So I have fiancee. We have been engaged since New Years and have been together for 3.5 years. We have lived together for 1.5 years. We bought a house together at the end of February and are planning to get married this coming summer.

She has an 8-year-old daughter who is like a daughter to me. Her father is not in the picture and I've been the only father figure for her for the last 3.5 years, since before she started kindergarten. She doesn't call me dad but refers to me as her dad. (She calls me by a nickname, which is actually really cute.)

Anyway, so my fiancee announces to me that the two of them are going on a mommy daughter trip to Paris from December 23 through December 31. We live in the United States. This is pretty hurtful to me. I feel like we are a family and should spend Christmas together.

Is this odd? Am I being ridiculous? Discuss.

I would be hurt if I were you, it's natural. But I don't think it's particularly odd for a mother to want to take her daughter on a special trip for just the two of them for a Christmas gift.

I think your reaction is normal, but I don't think their plans are odd. Not everyone sees Christmas as this super important family time. To me this seems more like they want a mom daughter trip and given school and vacation schedule it makes the most sense to do it on the holidays.

My mom many years ago got me and my dad a trip to chicago. All the people at her work said that she should be going as well and that it should be a family trip. A few years after my dad died I actually thanked my mom for not going on that trip with us, because it's the single most cherished memory I have with my dad. Not that I don't love my mom, or it wouldnt be a cherished memory had she gone, but it would have been different, and I wouldn't be left with the same feelings about it that I have now, and I'm sooo grateful I had the oppportunity to do that with my just my dad.

Since holidays and christmas is important to you, why not just have christmas early, and still make it a special, or try and make thankgsgiving even more about the three of you sharing time together as a family.

^ Agree with both replies.

Imo, it is understandable that she might want to have a mother daughter trip once in a while. She was in her life before you were. And it would even be understandable for completely biological families. And she might particularly want to do this before you get married.

However, I do agree that she should communicate this wish to you first, and talk/share about it before just booking it and announcing it to you. She does not need your permission, but presumably you are in a partnership, and she should have good communication with you. The additional issue of it being Christmas makes the communication even more necessary, as it could leave hurt feelings like it has.

So no, it's not odd, no you're not being ridiculous, yes she has a right to do so, but should communicate with you in advance.

Spending the holidays apart isn't necessarily odd depending on the circumstances. But given the particulars of your relationship, if she really did just up and announce these plans like "here's what's happening", I think that's odd and it would 100% bother me.

Yeah, the odd part is the, "This is what's up, bro" part, even if holidays weren't involved.

Agreed with above. The mother-daughter trip isn’t weird, but she should have discussed that with you. Just announcing it to you seems kinda rude.

Fwiw we are not spending Thanksgiving together. She's going to be gone the entire week for work. I guess this is part of what bothers me too. Not spending either of those together.

You need to be able to share how you feel with her. If that is difficult, or the conversation isn’t held in a mutually loving and respectful way, get into counseling before you exchange rings.

Seems fine, and she made sure to be back for NYE.

Lol NYE.

I have told her how I felt. She hasn't booked it yet. It's not clear what's happening. That's part of the reason I posted this. I wanted to know if I was off or not on this. And i agree completely.

Not exactly. The flight would land at 10 pm and then there's a three hour drive. And they would have been up for 24 hours by that point though NYE is not really a big deal for me.

Grunching....

A mother+daughter trip is really special, actually something I hope to do with my 7yr old daughter in a couple of years. You should be happy they get to do this. If you were there, some of her attention would be devoted to you instead of getting to have a lot of special time with her daughter and being devoted to them being together.

Also, is the trip too expensive for all of you to go? If it is, you should be more understanding.

She's going to put the trip on her credit card actually which also bothers me.

Just saw she hasn't booked yet. Tell her to book the trip. Her daughter will only be a child for so long. Don't make her feel bad for doing this and regret not doing it.

so they haven't even booked tickets? thought the odd part was not telling you it was happening but sounds like this was her telling you about the idea. agree that with school/work this was probably the only time that it could happen

enjoy some alone time

So the daughter lives with you as well, and has for 1.5 years? So basically you’ve been living as a family already? And she’s putting a trip with a 8 year old to Paris on her credit card? Yes. This is weird.

Yeah, and charge it up 1st class. What's an extra $10K of cc debt when it comes to childhood memories, amirite?

That's all correct. We just bought a house and we were in Paris this summer. I was there for six weeks for work. She visited for two weeks when we traveled. So we've spent a lot this year already. The little girl was at her grandparents during that time.

Damn dude, you keep seeping out relevant info with each post.

I want to take my yes vote back

Change the locks while she’s gone.

Just gets wierder. From putting it on a credit card, to announcing it without discussing it, to the fact that she's just been to Paris, to not being with you at christmas, it is all weird.

If it is specifically a mother-daughter trip there are much cheaper and easier places to go than Europe at the end of December.

Wait, am I missing something? Why is putting it on a CC weird?