Quote:
Originally Posted by patron
Spidercrab,
Good posts.
Dale,
You both need to think about and communicate clearly about how you will view and manage money once you are married. Some couples are happy with everything being in one joint account and mainly just using that, regardless of how much each person makes, or whether one person even works at all or not. Some couples are happy with having separate accounts, or mainly a joint account but also separate accounts, or whatever, but still viewing the finances as completely together (not just shared or fair or contributed to by both, but completely together). But the couples that have separate accounts and still view their money as separate, with expenses being contributed to by certain formulas or percentages, seem more likely to have problems with money and their relationship.
You're not married yet, so it's understandable the way you've explained things. And you've been generous with the way you treat things and with your like a daughter/soon to be stepdaughter. But if you're engaged and assume you'll be married, this seems like a minor thing to nit about - would this be an issue at all, once you're married? How would this be paid for once you're married?
In short, I agree with posters saying she doesn't seem good with money, but if you are going to marry her anyway, you at least need to have clear discussions with her about money and get on the same page with how things will be once you're married.
For all intents and purposes, they are already married. They are engaged, have lived together, her kid sees him as Dad, they own a house together, etc. Getting married will make it messier legally if they split up and provide tax advantages in the immediate. Their behavior towards each other shouldn’t change much.
Your first paragraph has already been explicitly addressed by OP. He is good with money and they devised a system of how the bills would be paid. It doesn’t matter too much what the exact system is, I glanced over it - but it seems reasonable, and all bases were covered. The fiancé has breached OP’s trust by not only making this trip decision unilaterally but by now wanting to amend the financial agreement they previously made by wanting him to pay for more things now that she put herself in debt by frivolously planning a trip 5x her liquid net worth before a wedding (another big expense). So the fiancé has:
-planned an XMas trip abroad without OP’s input at all
-put herself in big CC debt that will take at a minimum, 6+ months of pinching pennies (this means OP has to live super frugally and eat/live cheaply if he wants to spend time with his future wife)
-now wants OP to subsidize her trip by paying for her agreed upon separate expenses because she’s realizing her cash flow won’t work out with this new massive expense
-wedding will now have to be funded more by OP or delayed as a result of trip
None of this is acceptable, imo.