Two Plus Two Publishing LLC Two Plus Two Publishing LLC
 

Go Back   Two Plus Two Poker Forums > >

Other Other Topics Discussion of arts & entertainment, pop culture, food & drink, health and exercise, fashion, relationships, work, and just about anything else in life except poker, sports, religion and politics.

Reply
 
Thread Tools Display Modes
Old 08-02-2006, 07:22 PM   #1
Paul B.
handsome
 
Paul B.'s Avatar
 
Join Date: Mar 2005
Location: 3rd world
Posts: 7,800
My first hooker: a porn star (long)

So I was browsing the Erotic Services section of Craigslist earlier today and found a porn star by the name of Lyla Lei. Interesting, I thought. She deleted the post in particular but it was identical to these:

http://losangeles.craigslist.org/lac/ers/188556648.html
http://losangeles.craigslist.org/lac/ers/186982233.html

In my efforts to become more like Dominic, I emailed her. In under five minutes I got this response:

Quote:
It's me lyla lei (google my name for more pics)
Incall ONLY
Mid Wilshire area

today (tuesday) 1pm - 3pm
thurs & fri - 10:30a - 3pm

No nights/no outcalls/NO EXCEPTIONS

100=hand massage
140=oral massage no cover (the finish will be on my face or body)
220=30min full play no anal
250=1hr full play no anal (if ur really cool we can go 2 or 3 times)
700=30min anal
850=1hr anal

if you want to video or take pics it's an additional 200 reasons

ANY fieish and I mean ANY fetish starts at 300

if ur SERIOUS and wanna meet the SEND THE FOLLOWING

name=
cell number to reach you at 5mins prior =
donation =
day=
time=
city you are comming from =

i WILL NOT send the full address or my number..

So I googled her name for more pictures and found this:
http://www.ladirectmodels.com/girl.php?girl=Lyla%20Lei (NSFW). Not bad.

I then responded:
Quote:
name= Paul
cell number to reach you at 5mins prior = 917-***-****
donation = 220
day= today (Wednesday)
time= around 1
city you are comming from = Tarzana

Where do I need to go? thx
She then gave me directions and told me she'd call 5 minutes before 1pm. Awesome. I took a shower and headed out.

Traffic was horrendous. I think Los Angeles is the only city where you can be going 65mph one minute and at a complete stop the next. I finally got to the destination around 1:20 and received her call at 1:25. She gave me her address and said she'd meet me downstairs.

Walked over a block and she was there. A 5' tall asian hottie with a real cute smile. She definitely looks better in person and rates about a 9 on my scale. We walked up to to her apt and after I gave her da munniez, she promptly undressed and got on the bed. I followed in suit. I won't give explicit details but the routine went like this: she gave head (average), I fingered her, we went doggy style. Her poose stank like fish and she was terribly loose. I guess I shouldn't have expected more from a porn star.

At some point during doggy, I asked if I could come in her face. When she said it would be an additional $50, I immediately went limp and stopped. I didn't realize she was such a money-grubbing whore. Then, it all went downhill from there. She rode me a bit and gave me a handjob, both of which were rushed and half-assed, and even had the audacity ask me to "help her out a bit." During the handjob, she looked at her watch and said, "If you can't cum in 5 minutes, I have to get back to work." Wtf? Long story short, I came on her teats and got the hell out of there.

In summary, the whole experience was disappointing, dissatisfying and something I never wanna do again. The vibe was terrible, we made no connection whatsoever, and as far as performance, I don't whose was worse: hers or mine (I'm sure she'd say that I was terrible). Besides being really hot, she was nothing special. Two thumbs down.
Paul B. is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 08-02-2006, 07:26 PM   #2
Aloysius
Carpal \'Tunnel
 
Aloysius's Avatar
 
Join Date: Mar 2004
Posts: 12,751
Re: My first hooker: a porn star (long)

Handsome - Welcome to LA!

-Al
Aloysius is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 08-02-2006, 07:29 PM   #3
GeniusToad
veteran
 
GeniusToad's Avatar
 
Join Date: Apr 2005
Location: sleeve of wizard
Posts: 2,008
Re: My first hooker: a porn star (long)

Quote:
Her poose stank like fish and she was terribly loose.
i can't help but wonder if a five foot tall girl (porno star or not) can really be that loose or if, perhaps, you are that small. just a thought.

kudos for sharing though.
GeniusToad is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 08-02-2006, 07:29 PM   #4
jkamowitz
old hand
 
jkamowitz's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jun 2004
Location: somewhere between b and a
Posts: 1,901
Re: My first hooker: a porn star (long)

Haha but now you too can offer a new service: hooker review.

Oh, and obviously you've never been to Jersey/Long Island where the traffic is the same but the hair is pointier.
jkamowitz is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 08-02-2006, 07:30 PM   #5
4 High
Searching For Jenna Fischer
 
4 High's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jun 2005
Location: Team Jinx
Posts: 11,729
Re: My first hooker: a porn star (long)

Good story.
4 High is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 08-02-2006, 07:30 PM   #6
Tinga
old hand
 
Tinga's Avatar
 
Join Date: Nov 2004
Location: minus the 81
Posts: 1,239
Re: My first hooker: a porn star (long)

Quote:
220=30min full play no anal
250=1hr full play no anal (if ur really cool we can go 2 or 3 times)
You passed on the 30 minutes for $30 deal? At least then you wouldn't have had to be rushed. If you're going to spend the money on a hooker, why not go for maximum value?
Tinga is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 08-02-2006, 07:31 PM   #7
2/325Falcon
Conehead
 
2/325Falcon's Avatar
 
Join Date: Aug 2005
Posts: 21,907
Re: My first hooker: a porn star (long)

Quote:
I think Los Angeles is the only city where you can be going 65mph one minute and at a complete stop the next.
I'm pretty sure this happens in every city where people drive cars with brake pedals in them. Also, sorry the woman you paid for sex turned out to be a money grubbing whore.
2/325Falcon is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 08-02-2006, 07:31 PM   #8
Noah.
banned
 
Noah.'s Avatar
 
Join Date: Jun 2005
Location: Boston
Posts: 20,057
Re: My first hooker: a porn star (long)

Quote:
Quote:
Her poose stank like fish and she was terribly loose.
i can't help but wonder if a five foot tall girl (porno star or not) can really be that loose or if, perhaps, you are that small. just a thought.

kudos for sharing though.
yesa 5 foot tall girl can be loose and a 6 ft tall girl can be tight. trust me.
Noah. is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 08-02-2006, 07:31 PM   #9
JasonK
veteran
 
Join Date: Sep 2004
Posts: 3,018
Re: My first hooker: a porn star (long)

Problem is you forgot the blow.
JasonK is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 08-02-2006, 07:32 PM   #10
PartyGirlUK
Carpal \'Tunnel
 
PartyGirlUK's Avatar
 
Join Date: Nov 2004
Location: Self banned
Posts: 23,495
Re: My first hooker: a porn star (long)

I have bigger boobies than her.
PartyGirlUK is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 08-02-2006, 07:33 PM   #11
GeniusToad
veteran
 
GeniusToad's Avatar
 
Join Date: Apr 2005
Location: sleeve of wizard
Posts: 2,008
Re: My first hooker: a porn star (long)

Quote:
Quote:
Quote:
Her poose stank like fish and she was terribly loose.
i can't help but wonder if a five foot tall girl (porno star or not) can really be that loose or if, perhaps, you are that small. just a thought.

kudos for sharing though.
yesa 5 foot tall girl can be loose and a 6 ft tall girl can be tight. trust me.
fair enough but my suspicion stands.
GeniusToad is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 08-02-2006, 07:35 PM   #12
LuckOfTheDraw
veteran
 
LuckOfTheDraw's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jun 2006
Location: tonight... you.
Posts: 2,070
Re: My first hooker: a porn star (long)

Quote:
I didn't realize she was such a money-grubbing whore.
Well, I'm pretty sure that's exactly what she is.
LuckOfTheDraw is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 08-02-2006, 07:42 PM   #13
Jack Bando
Carpal \'Tunnel
 
Jack Bando's Avatar
 
Join Date: Mar 2005
Posts: 7,587
Re: My first hooker: a porn star (long)

Quote:
Quote:
I didn't realize she was such a money-grubbing whore.
Well, I'm pretty sure that's exactly what she is.
But whatever happened to customer service?
Jack Bando is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 08-02-2006, 07:42 PM   #14
onthebutton
Harbinger of Boobies
 
onthebutton's Avatar
 
Join Date: Sep 2004
Location: DC
Posts: 4,203
Re: My first hooker: a porn star (long)

Quote:
I didn't realize she was such a money-grubbing whore.
I LOLed.

Edit to add: Move to BBV?
onthebutton is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 08-02-2006, 07:45 PM   #15
Paul B.
handsome
 
Paul B.'s Avatar
 
Join Date: Mar 2005
Location: 3rd world
Posts: 7,800
Re: My first hooker: a porn star (long)

Quote:
Haha but now you too can offer a new service: hooker review.

Oh, and obviously you've never been to Jersey/Long Island where the traffic is the same but the hair is pointier.
Actually I'm originally from NYC (Queens), where the highways are 2-3 lanes wide. Here, the highways (called freeways) are 4-5 lanes wide, yet the traffic is still much more frequent. It can literally happen any time of day (I think it's due to everyone deciding to change lanes at the same time), unlike NY/LI/NJ where it mostly happens during rush hour or after an accident.
Paul B. is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 08-02-2006, 07:46 PM   #16
junglewarfare
veteran
 
Join Date: Feb 2006
Posts: 2,626
Re: My first hooker: a porn star (long)

Quote:
Quote:
Her poose stank like fish and she was terribly loose.
i can't help but wonder if a five foot tall girl (porno star or not) can really be that loose or if, perhaps, you are that small. just a thought.

kudos for sharing though.
do you realize just how much this girl gets [censored] by large dicks?
junglewarfare is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 08-02-2006, 07:46 PM   #17
James Boston
veteran
 
James Boston's Avatar
 
Join Date: Oct 2003
Location: Dirty South
Posts: 3,181
Re: My first hooker: a porn star (long)

Quote:
My first hooker
Quote:
I didn't realize she was such a money-grubbing whore


Quote:
we made no connection whatsoever
LOL!!!
James Boston is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 08-02-2006, 07:50 PM   #18
Dominic
Tripod
 
Dominic's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jun 2004
Location: Vegas
Posts: 71,467
Re: My first hooker: a porn star (long)

I just want to declare that buying a hooker in NO WAY makes you any more like me!
Dominic is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 08-02-2006, 07:56 PM   #19
kiwi
BBV Historian
 
kiwi's Avatar
 
Join Date: May 2006
Location: Banned briefly by the Legend himsel
Posts: 1,430
Re: My first hooker: a porn star (long)


Quote:
The vibe was terrible, we made no connection whatsoever,
There must be some way you can get a refund - at least partial? I am sure if you write to her, she will see how badly she has failed in the "connection area"

Still - not exactly a beat - you paid 250 munniees to [censored] a loose, smelly [censored]. At midday.

And got p0wned by GeniusToad.
kiwi is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 08-02-2006, 07:59 PM   #20
Kneel B4 Zod
Carpal \'Tunnel
 
Kneel B4 Zod's Avatar
 
Join Date: Dec 2003
Posts: 27,952
Re: My first hooker: a porn star (long)

Quote:
Quote:
220=30min full play no anal
250=1hr full play no anal (if ur really cool we can go 2 or 3 times)
You passed on the 30 minutes for $30 deal? At least then you wouldn't have had to be rushed. If you're going to spend the money on a hooker, why not go for maximum value?
seriously, your not a value shopper
Kneel B4 Zod is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 08-02-2006, 07:59 PM   #21
ddubois
Carpal \'Tunnel
 
ddubois's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jan 2004
Location: Coconut Creek, FL
Posts: 7,695
Re: My first hooker: a porn star (long)

Thank you much for posting this despite the possibility that it might expose you to heckling.

I think your dissapointment is justified, not laughable. I have noticed some porn actresses do a much better job of feigning interest/excitement than others. And they are always more attractive beyond physical beauty if they can manage to do this. IMO, you shouldn't be a whore if you can't pretend to have a good time; no one wants to screw someone who's looking at their watch.

Maybe springing for the full hour would have helped with the latter. Also, maybe you should have asked her before you started how much more it would cost for her to pretend she's having sex with someone she likes.
ddubois is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 08-02-2006, 08:02 PM   #22
Alobar
Born Ready
 
Alobar's Avatar
 
Join Date: Nov 2003
Location: 3rd turtle from the bottom
Posts: 42,323
Re: My first hooker: a porn star (long)

Quote:
Thank you much for posting this despite the possibility that it might expose you to heckling.

I think your dissapointment is justified, not laughable. I have noticed some porn actresses do a much better job of feigning interest/excitement than others. And they are always more attractive beyond physical beauty if they can manage to do this. IMO, you shouldn't be a whore if you can't pretend to have a good time; no one wants to screw someone who's looking at their watch.

Maybe springing for the full hour would have helped with the latter. Also, maybe you should have asked her before you started how much more it would cost for her to pretend she's having a good time.
Alobar is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 08-02-2006, 08:07 PM   #23
surfinillini
pessimist
 
surfinillini's Avatar
 
Join Date: May 2004
Posts: 10,405
Re: My first hooker: a porn star (long)

so when are you getting tested?
surfinillini is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 08-02-2006, 08:07 PM   #24
robber baron
adept
 
Join Date: Aug 2005
Location: In my head
Posts: 1,080
Re: My first hooker: a porn star (long)

Quote:

850=1hr anal


And she earns every penny
robber baron is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 08-02-2006, 08:11 PM   #25
GeniusToad
veteran
 
GeniusToad's Avatar
 
Join Date: Apr 2005
Location: sleeve of wizard
Posts: 2,008
Re: My first hooker: a porn star (long)

Quote:
so when are you getting tested?
now there's a trip report!
GeniusToad is offline   Reply With Quote

Reply
      

Thread Tools
Display Modes

Posting Rules
You may not post new threads
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is Off


Forum Jump


All times are GMT -4. The time now is 03:35 AM.


Powered by vBulletin®
Copyright ©2000 - 2021, Jelsoft Enterprises Ltd.
Copyright © 2008-2020, Two Plus Two Interactive