So I just found out something I have always been suspicious about in my heart of hearts, that my wife of 8 years has been cheating on me. Not once, not twice, but several times, perhaps even dozens, the world may never know.

I know all this because her sister was witness to almost all of it and she says it's been eating her up all these years not to tell me. Tonight she called me asking if I would come pick my wife up from a bar, and after the obvious "wtf's?" she just cracked and let it all spill out; the men she's seen my wife make out with, a coworker whom they're both friends with who confessed to having sex with her, the list goes on.

So here's where the game theory comes in to play -- How should I play this hand? If poker has taught me one thing it's to never reveal your cards and to keep your emotions in check. Rather than freaking out, confronting her, dealing with the lies (I've tried once before regarding a single particular event I was concerned about) I figure it's time to go into game mode. I need a strategy to play each street here to protect myself and end this thing in a position where I suffer no financial damage. If I was rich I would literally walk out the door tonight, but we have a 6 figure joint income which means most things are shared.

So here's my initial "to do" list to prepare for divorce. The biggest question of all is "do I let her know?". What I mean by this is do I tell her she's been busted and there's nothing she can say to vindicate herself and that it is absolutely 100% over? Or do I keep my plan for divorce secret and essentially spring it on her once all of the loose ends have been tied?

- The List -

Wait for tax refund / pay off remaining debt
Set BIOS/Windows/cellphone passwords on my equipment
Remove her from credit cards (they're all in my name)
Cash out Line of Credit and deposit into secret account
Make her get own checking account (direct deposit etc)
Get my own health insurance
Sell furniture (all bought with department store credit card in my name)
Sell house
Find apartment to rent (roommate?)
Sell car? Check budget to include apartment
File for divorce
Get testimony of mother/sister/coworker
Show history of cheating (years!)
State previous desires for divorce, irreconcilable differences

You need to know if you are in a "no fault" state. If so, don't bother with evidence of infidelity.

Also, when you say "secret" account, that appears to me like you are planning on taking community funds. In California, at least, hiding funds from the other spouse may lead to forfeiture of the entire asset.

Also, if you make more money than her, you should set her up with a legal fund. If you don't, she can ask the court to have you contribute to ensure she has an attorney - the judge may award her more than what you would have provided in the first place.

Understand: a divorce is not a poker game. You have to be fair. The ones that angle shoot end up getting burned.

Level 5?

Yes. Keep it secret until you have sorted everything out. She doesn't deserve a heads-up.

Sorry to hear that this happened to you.

**Possible solution: move to the middle-east and when they find out she committed adultery they'll stone her and you won't have to worry about splitting the estate.

The "secret account" thing has to do with our "line of credit". In case anyone doesnt know what this is, it's essentially a credit card who's entire balance can be "cash forwarded" to yourself at any moment. Lets say you have a $10,000 credit card with $0 balance. Typically the only cash you could pull from this might be $1000. A line of credit like a CC that you can "withdraw" the entire $10,000 at once with. This part is shared between us and has a $0 balance. My concern is that she'll do something stupid and buy a bunch of clothes or other ******ed nonsense just to screw me. So I would cash it out, and put it in a private checking account with another bank. She stated once before that if we ever got divorced that she feels entitled to have access to this, even though it's really just an overglorified credit card which I dont think she understands.

I even thought about saying in a jealous rage I cashed it out and put it all on red and lost it, that way she'll want to rid herself of the debt and just let me drop her from the account.

Wow, sorry this happened to you.


But jeepers, wouldn't being direct, above the board, and honest be the best way to handle this?

Your first step should be to search for and retain a competent divorce attorney who could help you strategize all of these questions. Some of what you propose to do will cause you huge problems down the road. They can help you maximize the way you **** her over without shooting yourself in the foot. General advice here is more or less worthless due to significant differences from state to state.

One last idea is just feigning a gambling addiction. She knows I love poker and used to play almost every night at homegames around town. I could just start doing that again, or at least pretend to, tie up the funds and put her in a position where she actually wants a divorce.

See the thing is I'm pretty sure she doesnt want a divorce. She's just a whore. She cheated on every guy before me and I knew this, and I'm a firm believer in "once a cheater always a cheater" but hey, look at me now. We've been together 8 years, no kids or anything, and I know she enjoys our quality of living. We have a nice house, nice cars, go on vacations abroad, etc. So she'll be all distraught and stuff and do the typical boo hoo tactics (unless I'm way off here and she's relieved to tell me lol). I dont know if she'll actually try to fight the process since she knows I'm pretty big into being a principled man and that if I say I'm getting a divorce she knows I'm not ****ing around. Regardless, she's a bit of an airhead too so I dont think I can trust her. I'm worried she may be a bit unpredictable in this endeavor.

Not to mention her mother is a lawyer which terrifies me. Although supposedly her mother hates her, knows about the cheating, and already sides with me for knowing her slutty little daughter cheated again. This is coming from her sister.

Glad to see an OOT'er not attempting to salvage a crappy relationship.

This part worries me...you must be certain that however you approach this situation that the sister won't guilt-admit to your wife that she told you...that could **** you up right?

It must be pretty emasculating knowing that you cant satisfy your wife in the bedroom

Dont leave her op, embrace her sluttiness with plenty of mmf threesomes and watch her get ****ed from time to time

Film it and put it on porn hub

Also a broad that loose must be into a bit of ffm action if you suggest it, surely

Take advantage and open up yourself to a delicious world of sexual delights

Stop being such a prude and embrace a new life of depravity and promiscuity

If you are committed to getting out of the relationship talking to no one but a lawyer is the correct answer.

Good post ABD beat me to the punch of suggesting OP embrace the cuckold lifestyle.

How is this even a thread? The only sane answer if you want to play this as a game is ask a lawyer, not OOT.

Can someone list the levels so I know where I stand?

that sucks javi, GL.

i found this article on divorce tips for women. the only one you may be able to use is #3: keep your wife as uninformed as possible about your finances. maybe when it comes out in the open have a plan so she gets a ****ty lawyer but idk how you could make that work.

obviously talk to a lawyer ASAP but make sure she doesn't suspect anything, then when you've executed your plan boom ninja divorce she never saw it coming. tell the sister you decided to try to work things out and its really hard for wife to talk about it so you don't want her to bring it up.

Only reliable advice you can get itt

seems like what you want right now is a "divorce financial planner" to discuss strategy.

if he is smart, in the settlement he'll get everything that casts a shadow

If the sister spilled to you she is eventually going to get drunk and spill to your wife that she told you so you need to figure out when that is to stay in front of it.

There is a thread about divorce somewhere in the forum. Try searching. It's not really about how to screw the wife, it's tips for not getting screwed yourself. Also lawyer up, obviously.

You should forget the legal strategizing and figure out how to sleep with her sister.

first and foremost, and this is THE most important thing you can do. Stop using poker analogies when you talk about anything that isnt poker.

next, talk to a lawyer. Not as important as above, but still really important.

Take as much cash as you can to the casino. Proceed to "lose" vast quantities of money. Bury said money in your backyard until this whole thing is finalized.

This is one of those threads where we give OP bad advice since the only good advice is boring, right?

Find that thread on divorce tips, and find a lawyer.

Good luck, OP.