Brilliant.

Haha, I'm glad you boys like it, 'cause the people in class certainly didn't.

I talk about movies a lot, and I've learned that no matter what, any question about them can be answered hilariously with either The Passion of the Christ, Schindler's List, or Birth of a Nation.

edit: that MK line is A+

Wins thread.

DId you do the voice?

omfg roflol

I remember when I was in grade 5 or 6, my best friend and I were huge WWF fans. The teacher was lecturing the entire class on misbehaving and she ended her serious speel with "and that's the bottom line", to which my best friend and I both instantly yelled "CAUSE STONE COLD SAID SO!"

I thought it was awesome, but she wasn't too impressed

I once wore a "No Fat Chicks" t-shirt to a college basketball game... People were looking at me like I was wearing a swastika on my chest

FINISH HER!
*class gasps*
.......
SUB ZERO WINS!
*teacher glares at you*
...........
................
...fatality....

Of course.

First day of class back in sophomore year of college. The teacher asked the class to say their names and something interesting about themselves as an icebreaker-type thing. So the class starts to do this, and I get a text message from a friend. I reply, and then it's my turn to say something about myself. I typically keep these things pretty conservative, but this seemed like a fun class, so I decided to spice things up a bit with a corny joke.

I say, "Hey my name is (solids), I'm a sophomore, I play lacrosse, and I enjoy sunsets and long walks on the beach."

The rest of the class gives me a lot of weird looks, and then the teacher says, "Wow. I think it was much funnier the second time." To this, the class bursts out laughing. It turns out some kid made the exact same joke a minute before I made mine. I felt like a huge jackass.

Repeating it a second time right after is way funnier than being the first one to say it

solids, that would make me feel incredibly stupid as well

"So you got something to look at when you're talking to them!"

For that class intro thing I once did "My name is Tom and I have a gambling problem"

Laughs from about 1/3 of the class. Good enough for me!

How on earth could an adult not know what it meant?

106,144 and counting

I am at a big work meeting with about twenty people. My boss is talking about our performance review process and how he has to take all our answers to survey questions and give different catagories different weights and that it took forever for him. I said, "So it's true? The weighting is the hardest part?"

Complete silence.

I almost cried from laughing so hard.

Just recently, my long term gf had to undergo some serious "female issue" surgery. Her surgery was fairly aggro, emotionally heavy and required her to stay overnight.

For those who don't know, nurses are there to provide care to the patient, not to take care of the patient. The full-time care giving usually falls on the family.

For us, that meant me. Her first night was very rough and after a long night of her throwing up, etc. etc. I was kinda spent. Worse yet, the tv remote was MIA, which meant I had to actually get up off my ass to change the channel and adjust the volume.

Around 8AM, in walks the nurse, her surgeon to do his follow-up and a couple of interns. Just as the surgeon starts in with his very serious talk, in an oh so somber voice, my gf asks me to turn the volume down on the tv.

Slightly exasperated, I get up, look at her, and deadpan, "well I guess they didn't take out any of your annoying parts."

^^^
lol

this one kinda bombed.

Bold, and fantastic.

lollllll well done

i thought it was funny. Another poster gave it love as well. I just hate quoting just for saying gj cause it seems pointless esp since it was a good comment and you knew it too. Well, now you know!