I was in Chemistry class just before we had to choose university courses and we had a chemical engineer in to give us a talk about the industry and chat about degree choices.

He starts saying how it's good t have a vocational degree and if you do engineering there's always a job at the end of it "If you do something like philosophy then you've got no guarantee of getting a good job"

I replied with "Well, what is a job anyway?" .... silence... then he continues, and I feel a bit stupid. until I hear one girl at the back of the class giggling away, she couldn't be quiet for the last 5 min of his talk.

In 8th grade everyone is just sitting at their desks doing work when one of the girls says "What stinks?" Without even thinking I blurt out, "Close your legs." I look up and everyone is staring at me wide-eyed. After staring back at them for about 3 seconds I put my head down and go back to work.

this thread is gold all over it

i only have one that i can remember very well

it was in 8th grade gym class. we had to watch some anti-drug propaganda videos in class every day for a few weeks. well the 3rd class the videotape had come to an end and the teacher is not in the room. it cuts to a blue screen after about a minute and a low voice says 'please insert tape 2' and i imitate the voice 'this is God speaking'.

my good friend started cracking up, but the rest of the class, nothing.

to this day i still think it was pretty funny

For some reason I have eviljeff's AIM and his profile quotes are always great. (Yes, I am a compulsive profile checker).

Most of these are really funny, just over the line. The ones that actually bomb because they're 1/4 as funny as you thought it would be are the great posts. i want more of those.

I was fairly young, around 18. I'm at a party with a bunch of mates and we're sitting around the living room. Everyones talking, there's music on. My mate next to me starts chatting up this cute girl. He's really working on her and it's making me want to vomit but she's lapping it up. Then the conversation goes something like this:

Her: I really like you. You know, you're really turning me on. (or something to this effect.)

Him: I can tell.

Her: How can you tell?

Him: What's that running down your leg?

Me: Blood?


Nobody was amused.

This is amazing. A+.

This isn't even remotely funny. More of this.

This was not the audience for such intellectual jokes

I was rolling on the floor laughing after I said it. I can't believe I had friends back then.

3rd grade, it's the first time I'm ever in Florida and I'm visiting this private school to shadow a kid for a day.(Note : I eventually go to this school)

2 kids in the class are taking an unusually long time in the bathroom, a girl in the class asks something like "What's taking them so long?"

I reply "Maybe they're mating?"

<silence>

Brag : 15 years later and some people in that class still remember that joke and now think it was hilarious

Well, it's funny, but not because it's a good joke. I agree that more of this kind of story is needed in the thread.

i was in the mall with the g/f and heard a mom calling out loud for her little kid, so without thinking i say in a high pitched kidvoice "over here mom!"

the woman looks at me and i start laughing saying "just joking" and she fumes to me "NOT FUNNY!" finds the kid and beats it in public screaming "DON'T EVER WALK AWAY AGAIN"

the whole time i'm [censored] thinking y the [censored] r u shopping if u can't keep tabs on a goddam 6 y/o girl...the cashier asked what was wrong and the woman points to me and said "that [censored] thought it was funny. OH YA REAL FUNNY"





i don't regret it to this day. even the g/f gave me flack for it.

this is one of the adsman variety:

I was at a Yankees game, sitting close to the Orioles' dugout. Jeremy Guthrie was pitching; he was 28 but had only been in the league 2 years because of Mormon service in his early 20s. He got knocked around and when he walked off the mound, I shouted 'go back on a mission!'

Nothing. And they were right.

I would have laughed at every one of these IRL, though some for different reasons than others.

Wow, no.

This exact thing happened in the 7th grade with me but with just a group of friends. Obv everyone was laughing but me and the girl. I didn't get the joke and the girl was really embarrassed.

LOL. I can't stop laughing at this.

First day of my immigration law class.

Teacher: "What is everyones thoughts on aliens"
Me: "I don't believe in them."

One of those things where it just blurts right out of your mouth before it's too late

This is totally something I would've done.

*106,146 and counting

yea this is something I would say.

maybe i'll reconsider this whole meditating business...

I'm a Christian, and I think I find this more funny than anything else in the thread.

106,145 and counting

At lunch today, discussing how I'm the only one who doesn't like Culvers burgers.

"You know why they call them 'butter burgers?' Because everything's good there but-her burgers."

This story happened in HS about 12 years ago when Mortal Kombat first came out. Our health teacher told us some woman from social services was coming in the next day and she expected us to be on our best behavior. The next day, this woman comes in and shows us a video on physical abuse. The video shows some guy coming home to his wife and 2 kids; he starts an argument w/ the wife. Evenually he starts hitting her in front of the kids and she falls on the ground and he starts kicking her in the head. It was actually pretty graphic, which surprised me. Anyway, just as he's about to stomp on her head, the social woman pauses the video to talk about it; I say, "Finish Her!". About 1/2 the class gasps in shock, the other half are trying not to laugh. My teacher got pissed and sent me to the principal's office.

This one is A++