ROFL

Too many posts in this thread are right on so I'll just quote.

completely agree



Right completely

Also OP, I would have laughed at "OR ARE YOU!?!" and it's not even close.

Yeah, "or are you" is funny as [censored].

For a group that was finding sperm jokes funny, I can't believe this didn't kill.

Yeah, I don't understand how her joke can be funny to them and his wasn't absolutely hilarious. It was like the perfect culmination of the great sperm jokes.

Great thread and that last one is just priceless!

I sometimes randomly respond to something a friend says with "your mom [whatever they said last]". Sometimes it doesn't even make sense, but I felt like saying it anyway. I feel like someone has to help revitalize the "your mom" jokes!

i was in 9th grade spanish class. The teacher wanted to play telephone. She started up somthing like lavar el carro or something simple like that. I switched it to yo doy muy bien cabeza. It finally works its way back to the teacher she repeats it aloud then translates it. I give very good head. She had no clue what it meant and apparently me and my friend were the only ones who did. We got a good laugh out of it but that was about it.

Yowza. Definitely one you tell your friends afterwards, because they will appreciate it more.

Trying to think of one of my many bombed jokes, but I can't right now. Probably a missed movie reference or something like that.

ScottieK

The correct joke here is that the mirror would have written on it ... "Objects may be larger than they appear"

I was in 11th grade business class. We were doing an exercise where we practice a job interview with partners. We got to pick which job we would interview for, so i decided with my partner i'd interview to be the president of the US. Our teacher was young and pretty hot but way to uptight.

At one point we are supposed to ask the question "how can we be let go or lose this job?"
and my parnter says "well there are numerous offenses you can make of varying degrees that can get you indited"
i reply, without having told my partner ahead of time
"Oh yea? LIKE BANGING AN INTERN!?"

Partner could barely keep a straight face but teacher gave me a C because of it.

I was at a college dinner - the whole senior class was there, it was the day before graduation, and anyone was allowed to go up and give a toast - so this boring guy gets up there and starts giving a toast to rhetoric, just droning on about how we've all learned how to make glorious speeches off the cuff - and I finally heckle him with 'You're doing a great job of showing it!' from the back.

I learned then - it is not a good idea to heckle a toast, regardless of how poor it is. I got a few gasps and stifled laughs from my friends, and a strong desire to be anywhere else in the world.

most of the stuff I say that I think will be absolutely hilarious people don't get.

The stuff I say that I think is a bit funny people crack up at. Its so weird.

Absolutely. Whenever I say something that is just a standard joke, that I'm just doing because it's so obvious and somebody has to say it, that gets the laugh. But when I think of something brilliant, unique, and obtuse, I get stares.

I had a friend who I went to elementary school with and hadn't seen in awhile when we went on a summer exchange together. The kid is a pretty stereotypical rich white kid who is a little artsy and thinks he is much deeper than he really is.
We are having a discussion about what's on are IPOD
He says: "I used to listen to Death Cab a lot when I was depressed"
I say in my best emo impression: "I listen to them when I slit my wrists"
Turns out he had some pretty serious issues. Him and the other girl there just stare at me, not angrily, but just shocked.
Happy end note That kid got his some of his [censored] together and I am now good friends with him.

this is the correct answer

I was in an English class and our teacher was a huge comic book nerd. We were talking about weekend plans and he said he was going to a comicon convention. I raised my right hand in the air and yelled "VICTORY". I had one guy elicit a reaction.

first one i laughed hard about

I'm waiting tables in Ontario and in the fall we get all these Americans coming up and hunting/fishing - they all tip amazing.

so these 4 American guys come in and take a seat at the semi-casual restaurant I was at. these guys are total American hunters - overweight, big manly men. they're ordering rounds of Bud and JD and finally they order food.

guy 1: I'll have bla bla bla bla
guy 2: yeah make it 2
guy 3: so, what about your pizza?
me: what would you like to know?
guy 3: so how big is it about?
me: 12 inches - about 8 inches more than you're used to
guys: .....

FYJ

FYJ

FYJ

something along these lines is way better

This isn't really a laugh line, but I was disappointed that it got zero reception.

At my office, my co-worker, good friend, gets boxes and boxes of sample goods that we might potentially sell in our stores. He ran out of space in his cube and started keeping the boxes in my cube, which is fine because it's random fun stuff like christmas cookies and nerf balls and whatnot. It became a running joke between us as more and more stuff started arriving and taking up more of my cube. One day he gets an unusally large cluster of new boxes, and he starts stacking them at the entrance of my cube as a joke, acting as if he was completely sealing me in. I work in an office of bright, young, very well-educated people, so I say, loud enough for a couple people who were watching the scene to hear, "What is this, the cask of Amontillado?"

zoooooooooooooooooom. Not one of my Ivy-league coworkers got the reference.

OP should put all the jokes in the OP so that i dont have to go through them everytime, these are hilarious.