Wow, just went out for sushi with my yogurt glopping yambag today.
His new thing is a big, overflowing bowl of Cheerios at 10:30 that ends with him tinkling the spoon in the bottom of the bowl for a the last 5 minutes scooping all the milk into his stupid face.
*tinkle*...*tinkle**tinkle*...*tinkle*...*tinkle** tinkle*...*tinkle**tinkle*


And I now have a new yambag of the female variety. It may be hard to appreciate how irritating she is without witnessing it, but here is her deal:

In the 3 months she has been here she has not once, in the entire ****ing time, actually finished a sentence. Not one. Not ever.
This yambagess just can not vocalize her thoughts.
I'll use the most mundane of examples...

Going for a coffee.
First off, she shouldn't ask the whole damn office if they want her to grab them a coffee, but she does.
But she REALLY DOESN'T BECAUSE SHE CAN'T.
*sticks her head in the door*
"I'm uhh.......*points behind her*.........I'm uhh....gonna go down to uhh....get a coffee and ....mmm.......do any of you uhh.....*points behind her*.....uhh......nnnnn......

Now everyone just starts answering to stop the pain.

"All set."
"No thanks."
"No thanks."

....uhh...........ok ok.....yah.....

and walks out the door.

Now that was coffee. Apply it to actual real work and it just becomes ridiculous.
I actually got her booted from my job last week because of it.


I swear to god, not one single sentence finished. Ever.

thank god ive never had a real job...dont know how u guys put up with it all

gus,

man that sounds exactly like my office yambag, aside from the sex. It's reached the point where I just audibly say "shut up... shut up.. be quiet". Nothing can tame this beast. Plus now he's had a cough for about a month.

I sit across from a hot desk where all the sales guys sit when they come in the office, there's about three of them, and all of them will always leave their blackberries on their desks when they are away in meetings and stuff, and their phones are guerenteed to ring every 15 minutes or so.

Every ****ing day. Yesterday oen of them came back after his phoen rang baout 5 times and says to me. "Did my phone ring? I thought I heard it"

I'm like "Well why the **** didnt you come back and answer it you ****ing prick, and why the hell are you asking me? Do I look like you ****ing secretary just because I'm not an old man like you? and you know what, why don't you take your ****ing phone with you next time? You can master the technology of a blackberry but can't handle a ****ing pocket??"

I didn'ta ctually say that btw... but one day... either that or put his phone into a glass of water...

This yambags move were many. The worst being loudy narratation of her life with emotionally inappropraite reactions to normal events and having little short term memory. If this was private industry and not the state, I totally would have been the ******* who fired a grandma with cancer and been pretty happy about it.

EDIT: In other yambag news, we're taking the other one out to Indian food for his birthday. Given his typical approach to any person of color, there's a decent chance this will start world war 3.

Do you eat with your hands at the Indian place?

I find this off-putting.

I would find someone cutting up their naan with a knife and fork even more off-putting.

When you eat pizza with others do you have a gloved assistant cut it into bit size portions first and put them on your plate?

We split up the nan by hand, but the rest is with a fork, non family style.

New vent.

Nobody's meal was more than 11, mine was 9. We ordered 5 bucks of Nan, had a 6 dollar coupon (supplied, surprisingly by the youngest member of the group), and somehow I spent 17 bucks and we still only left like a 10% tip. Cheap ****s.

There was not world war three because our waitress was a nice white girl with perky tits who probably hates me now because I supervise cheap bastards.

Just average the bill out per person with the tip included. In these situations, you rarely get screwed by more than a buck or two.

yeah dids seriously. she hates you because you manage team lunch bills poorly.

seriously...just be like "hey, it comes to $47.88 for the 5 of us. Let's just do $11 each?"

If someone then says "but my dish was only 6.99 while everyone's was 7.99", that guy looks like a cheap douche.

Normally I would do that, but I was feeling lazy and just said "we'll pass this around, put in what you owe and we'll figure out the rest". Mostly just 'cause I wanted to see what would happen. What I didn't count on was that the cheap ****s not only didn't pay enough, but didn't even bring enough to cover things.

naan/pizza = apples/oranges

You eat all 4 with your hands.

naan pizza sounds delicious

I have seriously never, ever seen this work in any bill situation.

Ever.

Every few days I'm treated to a conversation about Dungeons & Dragons in the cubicle on the other side of mine, which is always fun. One of the dudes perpetrating the conversation is absolutely impossible to get away from once he starts talking about something (usually Japanese anime or Super Smash Brothers); like, I'll run into him in the cafeteria here, and he'll pay for his food, wait a few minutes for mine to finish being prepared (on the other side of the cashier, mind you, so it's not like we're actually talking during this time period), then follow me back to my cubicle talking about whatever, and I kinda half-ignore him while starting to eat my food or do stuff on my computer, because what can I even say? Even "well I need to get some work done" feels kinda dick-ish when he never really concludes anything he's saying to the point where it's appropriate to sever the conversation without it being awkward.

I'm not the only one this happens to either; the other day after ascending the stairway to my floor I saw he had trapped one of the dudes I work with (who I'm 97% sure has no reason to interact with him for work) talking about the Battle of Thermopylae or something, and like, you just can't get away without having to rudely cut him off and feeling like the bad guy because he doesn't take hints.

However, on the whole, all of my coworkers are nice, considerate people with good senses of humor and are easy to get along with and work with. This may or may not be related to the fact that nobody I interact with on a daily basis is American, or that programmers are paid well and I imagine have to be pretty smart to get a job here.

(although the first guy I talked about's problem may be that he's too smart; based on talking to him I don't doubt that he's probably a genius and excellent at his job, just pretty socially awkward along with it.)

actually, when my friends and I do this, we always have like a 30% tip. but my friends are cheap ass douches.

Anyone else work with like a 58 year old who is in the declining stage of his professional career, and is really bitter that he never "made it big" in the industry.

I work with a dude who is SOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO bitter. I mean just an absurd amount of bitterness.

If we're (any group of 3 people) chatting about our boss in typical "our boss is cheap haha" fashion, he'll say "He's the consumate Republican. Gotta make every dollar become two." Gee, thanks, Don. I'm a Republican. Let's turn his cheapness into some partisan debate. You dick.

He just had his 1 year anniversary at our work, and he emailed our Supervisor to tell him that it would be really appropriate and kind for him to take Don out with the rest of the gang (like 6-8 of us) to celebrate his 1 year anniversary. This is because he never got taken out for lunch when he was new. And the guy who came after him got taken out (buffet pizza...), and Don was teaching that day, so he didn't get to join. So he's harbered these "I've been cheated" feelings for a year and made it a point to tell the supervisor to take him out. On top of that, when asked where he wanted to go he mentioned two places, each with like $10 entrees. Our supervisor grabbed him the other day and a couple others and took him out. He's a huge baby and whiner. This is a 58 year old, never-been-married dude.

He teaches T/TH at a community college, in an entry-level interior design class and he complains to me about how stupid his students are and how he should be teaching at a "real" university. WTF!? Have pride in your work, you dick.

He had his own business for a few years back in the 80's and always has to make it a point to tell people "Back when I was self-employed..." or "Back when I had my own business..." I mean he says this to the owner of our company, and the cleaning lady. We get it, Don. Once you were KING!

He complains about all our clients, and says things like "Boy I'm glad I never got hired at _____ firm. They're beneath me. I'm too good for them." And he could be talking about one of the best firms in our area.

He claims he got fired from a job years ago because he "dressed better than the partners." He had to tell me he had a closet full of Armani suits, and he used to drive a 300Z, and wore Italian shoes. Yeah, Don, sure...that's why you got fired. Not because you attitude SUCKS!

He's always saying crap like "The reason I never attained riches is because...". This is a guy who gets a bonus check, and spends it on depreciable crap like toy cars, pecan pies, wine, etc. That's why you aren't rich you d-bag.

I could probably go on and on and on but he's generally a "glass is half-empty, Republicans suck, I should be rich, I should be this...that...and the other, I deserve better type of guy."

It's a shame because he's honestly a pretty smart guy, and he is easy to talk to. I treat him as somewhat of a mentor, and I've used him as a professional reference because he actually is very well-spoken and he thinks highly of me. I'm training him right now to take over when I leave and I enjoy talking with him. But when he starts with the "woe-is-me" bullsh*t I try to turn the subject or lighten things up PRONTO before it deteriorates into some endless chasm of pessimism.

I'm starting to realize 300Zs = Yambag mobiles

I want to have your babies.

so in my office every Friday the boss brings donuts for everyone. This is pretty standard, afaik.

Well anyway the secretaries in the office have this crazy notion that if they cut off part of the donut and only eat that, and do it 4 or 5 times, it’s somehow better for them than eating the whole donut in one fell swoop.

So accordingly, there’s a knife in the donut box along with various donut fragments.

Well, last Friday I saw something I’d never thought I would see. One of these ladies had taken a frosted chocolate donut and sliced it lengthwise (like a bagel).

And she only took the un-frosted part, leaving the frosted top sitting on a napkin.

While this may be yambag material, it would be worse to do it the other way around.

This seriously ****ing tilts me. You go out to eat with someone so you decide where to eat, then you drive there, wait on a table, order, eat, and then they say something about not having enough money. How ****ing inconsiderate, we just spent roughly an hour and a half planning/eating and in that time you never mentioned that you didn't have any/enough money. Next person that does this and does not have tits is getting left to wash dishes.

/hijack

These morons don't even have credit cards with them??