This is awesome. I'm going to try this next time.

i used to work with a girl who had to be the most annoying person ever. and the annoying things she did made the normally, not annoying things, annoying.

she sang carpenters song all the time, and ver loudly, over whatever was playing on the radio.

she refused to answer the phones, even if the rest of us (2 of us) were on the phone, and she would be able to see this.

she couldn't just give you a simple yes or no answer. she often times answered you in french or some other really stupid way.

she would go through a roll of toilet paper a day. which i never understood.

she would talk about how she was on the atkins diet. (she was skinny anyways, and most likely bulemic sp?) eat all the meat off of half the pizza, which was for everyone, then eat like 2 bags of popcorn later.

anytime she was asked to do something that was part of her job, she'd throw a mini fit.

there were a lot of other things, but i can't recall them right now.

John Hithcock? Its Herbie Hancock

Oh, believe it.

Went on vaca last month for 3 weeks. Home for Chinese New Year.
Parking incident happened 2 days before start of New Year.
After incident, he got into an argument with his sister and then LOCKED HIMSELF IN HIS ROOM FOR 5 DAYS to protest, surely ruining New Year for everyone involved.
After return, he first tells us story. At least 3 times, BTW.
After another week, he tells us he's taken his sister out of his will.

He's very self-absorbed, so it's kind of normal that he gives us too much info on a daily basis.

I swear to Spaghetti Monster.

Wait... is "vaca" your word or his?

I would want to kick her in the face for these things alone. I guess I'm kinda lucky there isn't really any annoying people at my workplace. I specify REALLY, since they're all kinda annoying in their own little ways, but not overly.

Dids, you drilled it.

Oh, my finger...
Oh, my back...
Oh, my sister...
Oh, I wait at bus today for 22 minutes...
Oh, I can not believe she...
Oh, I did not sleep well last night. I fall asleep at 2:30 in morning and get up at 5:30.
Oh, I work out last night and pull muscle. Right here, see...

Mine. I'll use 'vacation' next time.

too late bro, i think he's already shown that you're probably "that guy" to somebody else in your office.

"case in point: he calls vacations 'VAKAYS'. wtf?!"

btw- "yambags" is a fantastic word that I will be overusing in the near future.

My office partner shoots me with USB Missile Launchers.

So, all y'all can go [censored] yourselves.

You have undoubtably heard me say this IRL.

I would never say 'vacays'.
You have to draw a line somewhere.

SUCK IT!!!

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_z-hcJe7QFo

I found the description of the yogurt ritual very funny.

Also, the guy clips his fingernails every single day?

People are weird.

at least post this in the, what makes me gay thread.

Believe me, I've worked in a lot of offices in my life, and can tell you with absolute certainty that this is all standard.

The average person is an imbecile AND annoying.

There are rare folks who are one or the other, and those are the people you're hoping to work with.

I have forty employees. I don't HATE them or anything. I just don't have them to my home or out for drinks or anything, because they're not my friends or my family. They are people who work for me, and for whom I offer excellent benefits and overpay a little bit, in the interest of creating loyalty and efficiency and minimizing turnover and reducing my workload.

But they're all just people who I don't pretend to love.

They like Kenny Chesney. They eat with their mouths open. They discuss their sex lives just a little too frankly. They enjoyed Maid in Manhattan. They whistle along to the radio. They talk about "Survivor last night--it was AWESOME!!" They try to f*ck each other after work. They eat McDonald's on their break. They complain about the air conditioning. They talk about the weather. They talk sh*t about each other when the others aren't around. They give about 75% effort at all times.

They are the people in the place where you work.

Just pretend they're not real, and try to enjoy time with your friends and family.

Pure Genius.

Do you work in my office? Brilliant - I'm printing this up and keeping it next to my desk.

Hold onto these employees for dear life.

This sums up office life so well. Man, it really does sound bad when you say it like this.

I need to win the lottery or marry up.

Well, as I said, I overpay a little, and I offer great health insurance (including dental). I also make a serious effort to avoid asking them to do anything at all that is not in their job descriptions, so that they know better than to ask me for too terribly much above and beyond.

I call it "pragmatic reasonability," or, at least I do now that I just thought about it for a second.

Believe me, I know if I didn't do all of this, I'd be lucky to get 50% effort.

Fingernail clipping + yogurt=gay

You heard it here first.

Rushmore's posts are brilliant and I appreciate the perspective.

His what?

Yeah, seriously. Getting 75% out of any employee is pretty insane.