What the hell are some people thinking? My current office is all of 5 people, yet two of those people do some of the most irritating [censored] I have every had to listen to.

Every day, one guy has a yogurt around 10:00. Not just any yogurt, though. A 'fruit-on-the-bottom' yogurt. His ritual goes something like this:

Open yogurt.
Begin mixing yogurt.....glop-glop-glop-glop-glop-glop-glop-glop-glop-glop-glop-
glop-glop-glop-glop-glop-glop-glop-glop-glop-glop-glop-glop-glop-
glop-glop-glop.......at least 30-40 times.

After eating said yogurt, he CLIPS HIS FINGERNAILS AT HIS DESK. *clip*.....*clip-clip*...*clip*....*clip*....*clip*....



The other guy has only been here a couple/few weeks, but he's wasting little time making a run for most irritating officemate. He's a loud drinker/eater.

Hot coffee in the morning: Sluuuuuuuurp. Loud swallow. Loud exhale of 'ahhhhhhh'. Every flipping sip.
Any food whatsoever: Mouth open, smacking, audible swallowing, more smacking.



A: What are these people thinking?

and

B: Please tell me your office is worse.

This is my strategy:

FTW

there's a guy that sits right by me that would listen to music on headphones and either:

- hum loudly
OR
- "play the drums" on his desk and/or belly

somehow it didn't bother anyone else (how the hell???). I kept telling him to stfu, knock it off, whenever he would do it - he's a nice kid and we're good work friends so I just say whatever I want. He would stop but then later that day or the next it would start up again. He said he couldn't help it. I just kept doing that for a while and now it's a lot better.

so I think you should just tell them to knock it off.

I work with a guy who routinely mispronounces words and it drives me insane. I know this doesn't seem like a big deal, but it's probably the most irritating thing I've ever encountered in the workplace.

Examples:

Says Dee-ZEM-ber instead of December
Says ACK-a-ru-al (splitting into four syllables) instead of accrual
Will always ask for my John Hitchcock when he needs a signature
We have a printer that makes a lot of noise that he calls Chew-bookah (Chewbacca)

It's the little things that drive me nuts.

Not really an option.
To put things in perspective, the glopper-clipper TOOK HIS SISTER OUT OF HIS WILL last week because she yelled at him for parking in her spot the week before.

Also, it's not really my place to tell someone they're gross.

Hahahaha, I've heard people say John Doe also.

Is he Nigerian or something? Also...on the John Hitchcock thing, he's gotta be levelling you with that one!

Hahaha. I worked with a guy whose malapropisms made coming to work so much more fun.

just close the door to your big corner office and they won't bother you.

oh wait, I guess you can't do that.

Corporate accounts payable, Nina speaking, just a moment.
Corporate accounts payable, Nina speaking, just a moment.
Corporate accounts payable, Nina speaking, just a moment.
Corporate accounts payable, Nina speaking, just a moment.
Corporate accounts payable, Nina speaking, just a moment.

I wish I could say he was (levelling me that is, not Nigerian) - but he's not nearly smart enough to level anyone.

He's not Nigerian but he is from Newfoundland, so that might explain things.

27o,

I would have killed myself one week in. Good luck.

BBV knows of my tribulations.

My boss sits about 4 feet away from me and smacks constantly. I want to hang myself with my mouse chord at times.

I tried to post about the people in my office that upset me, but just thinking about it made me annoyed, so I decided that I won't and instead will enjoy the fact that they're both out today.

Fingernail Clipping in public is the worst though. Who thinks that is ok.

My coworkers are mostly considerate and quiet. And having a real office with a door is a plus if you really can't stand something particular one day.

Fortunately she's no longer with my company but there used to be this one troll-like lady who would remove her shoes and walk around barefoot (no socks or panty-hose either). Few things ruin your appetite at around 11:30 like some fat lady-feet with toe rings.

Swede

I'll be skipping lunch now. At least you saved me $6 Swede.

I think the environment of an office, and spending 40+ hours in it a week make the occupants hate each other.

Even though I tread lightly with him because he is 'off', I jokingly, and only because a cool officemate was listening, asked him a couple days ago if I could borrow his clippers after he was done because I wanted to clip my toenails...

Sometimes, but not always. If you get the right people together you kind of all appreciate the absurdity together and it stops being annoying and starts being funny.

Amuse yourself.
Start signing 'John Hitchcock' on the stuff he brings you. See how long it takes for him to notice.

I'm about to ask for my cube to be moved because of the guy on the other side of the wall. He's a program manager and well respected, but he's got to be the most annoying man on the planet.

First of all, you got the voice. It's just this whiny, bitchy, nasally voice. On top of that he's very loud.

But the thing that really gets me: constantly talks to himself. Or rather, talks to his email. "awww c'mon guys!" Not talking to anyone. "What the hell are they doooing?!" Even just when he sits down at his desk: "ok, let's see here.. hmm..ok." Laughs at data he's reading or whatever. Sighs a lot. It's just clear he wants everyone around him to know he's angry, or delighted, or whatever.

Oh.. one last thing. Chews gum like an f'ing cow. Same with carrots. ugghhh.

I can't fathom who married him, or who hangs out with him. If it weren't for my iPod, I'd have lost it by now.

How do you guys do this? I wouldn't be able to handle it. I can understand why office workers go crazy and walk in shooting now.

I find it difficult to believe that both of the following are true:
1) this happened
2) he told someone about it at work

Hate.

Yambag 2 in my office does a variation of this.
If someone is in earshot, he feels the need to mumble his next activity, no matter how mundane.

Eg: While getting up from desk to make a call in a another room, he'll mumble almost inaudibly an to no one in particular....."Gotta go in other room...make a quick call..."

While reaching for a knife in the kitchen....."jus grabbin' this knife...."

Going upstairs for whatever...."gotta go upstairs for a ...*trails off into mumble*...


Dude, STFU and stop narrating yourself. No one cares.
-----My father-in-law does this incessantly as well. Drives me nuts.

In my experience the glopper-clipper type is exactly the type of person who shares EVERYTHING at work.