Friend's husband has walked out on her. 6 months now. Over seemingly nothing. He's been to a psychologist 'to avoid a breakdown'. Says the psychologist has told him to 'stay away from his home for his health and well being' and that psych told him it was a toxic atmosphere. Psychologist has never met my friend.
Husband lies pretty freely in general.
This is BS, right? Counselling 101 says to avoid any 'relationship directives?' Not least when it concerns 'offending parties' you've never met?

Maybe instead of saying "Stay away!" the psychologist and your friend's husband engaged in a discussion that led them to conclude that it would probably be better if he stayed away from his home, and instead of giving a verbatim report of a half-hour conversation, your friend's husband just gave some cliffs. Or maybe the psychologist said, "It might be a good idea if you stayed away from your home for now while you're sorting your **** out." Or maybe your friend is a little emotional and isn't completely accurately reporting whatever her husband told her. Who knows?

Thanks.
I've been looking after her since he walked out (distressing time). His communications have been pretty limited and he's repeated it in the odd email to her, just stating it like I did. Like, he'd entertain the notion of coming back, but was told to stay away. Seems pretty crazy in a way. 'Why did you end your marriage?'-Cos a shrink who'd never met my wife told me I'd be better off staying away from her. Many people would also be talking rubbish about it to their shrink anyway, 'all her fault' and accidentally forgetting to mention that he's a serial cheating POS.

my initial thought is that the psychologist is secretly banging this guy's wife

Sounds like the Shrink did your friend a favor?

I figured that out on my own.

Yeah. He's a pretty violent guy too (though not to her), could have got bloody. Maybe the shrink spotted his NPD.

OP, What are you hoping to accomplish with this thread? Just curious.

That we convince him that it's ok to take up w/ her like he's always wanted?

yep, now that I know this isn't about me, I'm staying quite the **** away from this thread...

Maybe he told the shrink he's been thinking about killing her. She's also probably lying.

Probably just a test. I bet they get back together and are stronger than ever. Happily ever after, and stuff whatnot.

On the real, if you are good friend help your pal get the **** past this **** and forget about the offense at the presumption of being painted as the bad guy by her ex's therapist. Then tell her to fix her ****kng picker cuz it's clearly broken, if nothing else.

Obviously you know how awesome I think this reply is.

Still stings though.

Bunch of shrinks showing up ranting about how they're never allowed to do that.

Thanks. He took the info etc to everyone significant to her and completely isolated her. I'd look to overturn what he said to them. Vicious b@&+@£*.

Maybe, yer. Or shrink diagnsed him.

Nah, I saw all the emails mate.

In fairness, unless you were living with them before, you have no idea what was happening in their relationship that led up to this. There is likely stuff that was going on that they didn't show in public, but could be very serious nonetheless. And now you're only getting one side of the story.

I mean it's possible that the husband is just a douchebag and trying to manipulate his wife using "psychological breakdown" as an excuse. There are people like that. But if he's a normal guy, then this didn't just come out of nowhere. Either he's suffering from some sort of mental illness, or there are serious issues with the communication in their relationship.

They probably need to sit down with a couples therapist to get their issues on the table. (Not the same one that the husband is going to, which would be unethical for the therapist anyway). I suggest reaching out to the husband with the pitch - "Look - you need to decide if you really want this relationship to work. If you do, it's time to sit down with a professional and work through your issues with your wife together."

If that doesn't achieve anything, they both just need to move on.

Here's an idea: mind your own business.

Obviously you want to fix your broken lady friend so you can show her how a real man gives her the dick but yah you are getting half the story and they are probably better off getting divorced anyhow. Life is too short to be chronically miserable.

Tbh I know a ton about their relationship especially post his departure. Great point on the excuse thing, I think he was using that as a smokescreen to shield from the opprobrium that the departure generated.
Very much not a normal guy. Personality disorder probably.

Nice post thanks. Guessing you're probably a therapist?

I need to protect her from his criminal behaviour in isolating her, she has no one else.

What criminal behavior? And why haven't you called the cops?

My advice would be to leave it alone. You will never know the full story, and guys like you who get involved in these situations never get what you want from it. It's not healthy for your mental state of mind.


This is only partly true. There are therapists who will advise people to leave dangerous relationships. Of course, whether this guy was told that is entirely unknown.

LOL

Why do you want your friend to reconcile with her allegedly violent, philandering husband?

But again, your opinion is only based on what you are hearing from your friend. In some cases there is only one side, and it's possible that that is the case here and your friend's husband is completely in the wrong. If that's what you believe you should just advise your friend she should move on.

But it's very likely that things are not so black and white and it's possible that there is something to be gained by trying to work it out with a professional.