You're FB friends with Nielso?

If only for sterilisation.

My sister-in-law recently moved and stays in touch with her BFF on their walls like it's an IM. I find them more funny than idiotic/narcisssitic/annoying. One fairly recent example...

BFF: Why are you not at my house chit chatting with me over a glass of wine?
SIL: I have no idea. Its ludicrous. Today was a tough day. I miss you.
SIL: P.S. I've been nursing my cocktail since 4:00 pm. lol. I'm turning into a Real House Wife of [NEW HOME]. Minus the botox.
BFF: I think cocktail nursing starting at 4 is sheer necessity some days. I thought I'd adjust to you not being here. Yeah, not so much.
SIL: ‎....and now there are tears.
BFF: ‎... here too.
SIL: Just doesn't seem right. Not yet anyway.
BFF: Precisely what I was thinking... but three months isn't nearly long enough to tell really. Still sucks though.
SIL: has it only been 3 months? good looowwwwwwrrrrd.
BFF: I know... feels like three years.
SIL: So how's [BFF’s DAUGHTER]? Is she 17 yet? (Cause thats what it feels like)
SIL: I am eating vanilla cake frosting right out of the container and drinking copious amounts of red wine. Thats my night.
BFF: [BFF’s DAUGHTER] is great. She can spell all of the colors. I have no idea how this happened but apparently anything put to song she can memorize in 10 seconds. LOL I'm eating vanilla frosting, too... but mine is on a cupcake (with wine, too)... [BFF’s DAUGHTER]'s half birthday is tomorrow. She's deemed herself a "big, older kid" now.
SIL: Aww...she is too cute. 3 and a half. Any plans yet for four? You know [SOME AUNT] will be there. Tell her i said good job on the colors! Miss her too. And [BFF’S HUSBAND]. (But you the most) Shhhh!
BFF: [SIL] MISSES ME THE MOST!!! Gotta shout that one from the rooftops! LOL
SIL: hahaha. you are too cute. do you think we could clone you and move you up here to hang with me all the time?
BFF: sure. I hear cloning is totally safe and there are no problems whatsoever. Bring it on.
SIL: lol. and thats why you're my fav.
BFF: ‎(((hugs))) I love you, hon.
SIL: love you too. xoxoxoxo

FB statuses can be annoying, but nothing tilts me more than the gibberish that's posted on sites about animals. One of my coworkers regularly sends me links to pictures/videos on icanhascheezburger, and the comments section is filled with garbage like this:

"aifinkso yoo did grate!
howz about sum veggie kabobs on teh grill wiff fresh homemaid lemming aid to wash dem down wif?
oh, ware are mai mannerz? *offers floofy paw ub frenship* nice to meecha!"

Of course this crap is how the meme took off in the first place, but it's as if these people just try to outdo each other by misspelling every & any word. Kids have no creativity these days. And by "kids", I mean middle aged women with 14 cats.

couple of my friends do this with each other, and they ****ing live together.

one of them also changes from "life is great, everything is beautiful!" type of posts, to "so sad, why is this so difficult" type.

she may be the most bipolar facebooker ever.

My wife has a friend who is a bipolar pill snorter (aka-white trash without the trailer park) thats always posting her life on FB. It's a pretty ****ty life but she creates all of the **** herself. Abusive BF (always breaking up then engaged), 12yr old daughter that will be a drug addict/mother within a few years "at most", She found porn and empty condom rappers on her floor, She posts how her daughter callers her a drug addict whore..etc the best thing that could happen is the state taking their daughter....etc

I blocked her and pretty much told my wife I don't wanna here anything about them.

This is from a (presumably) straight male. Emo statuses from dudes makes it far worse.

This guy is 42 and still living with his parents.

jk

Newsflash ITT: Vast amounts of people suck in real life and on the internet.

On three separate occasions I have seen an "I love my boyfriend sooo much!" post (husband once actually), followed within 24 hours by relationship status being changed to single.

Anyone who writes 'dis' to mean 'this' should be summarily shot.

i just assume that couples that profess their love over FB, are in a sham relationship.

this is pretty true amongst my friends.

Meh. Some of these are just harmless noise. I guess if you're getting spammed all day long then I can see why it would set you on edge. But ones that are like "going to sleep with too many things on your mind sucks" are just ... I don't know ... if innocuous self-expression like that gets your blood boiling, I'm not sure how the hell you function in everyday society, unless you travel in a plastic bubble.

Oh, and the rambling drugged out gym monkey who randomly capitalizes his messages is clearly WINNING and an asset on one's FB feed.

Aggressive casual NFL fan

"Fukk yea...Team X is gonna own them Team Y bitches all day cuz Player Z is a beast!!!! Color A and Color B and Color A and Color B...."

Repeat x10 on Sundays.

Then "their" team looses and the next day their all saying shut the **** up I don't wanna hear it the ref made a bad call...blah blah blah. They're not your team and the players don't give to ****s about you especially if they're superstars.

I wouldn't be surprised if it was completely calm before she started working there.

Why bother?

all the same guy, all within the past week. Yes, that is a good morning status EVERY ****ING DAY.

Fail on at least 2 levels. The most frustrating one I have seen yet - I deserve a medal for not replying to that status.

I always laugh at the people who announce that they are going to delete people since you only see people who you actively associate with.

wow. I came in here thinking I'd have at least a couple good ones to share, but I don't think they'll come even close to comparing to everything posted itt so far.

A girl died young at about 16~ and she went to the school nearby, here is what people said on her rememberence page

On a sidenote it really tilts the **** out of me when people put a capital letter at the beginning of each word.

"people crack me up with there stupidity"

"look out security you are useless u waited till i tore the room apart and the phone was in my hand to then locate it start screaming and lock it thats ******ed"

Quavers: If I forget what year it is, at least I'm covered if I remember my birth year and my age!