Look, I already apologized for that PM

Perfect responses.

He's busy. And Mary can help me with the phrasing and stuff.

Be careful out there kids.

Man that's dumb. I want to commit a random act of violence... Oh I know I'll leave hundreds of dollars worth of bait out to lure some good Samaritan to the parking lot. Instead of just waiting in the parking lot where everyone has to go at some point anyway...

Excuse me sir, would you might placing this phone back where you found it, or possibly hand it to the nearest 13-year-old girl? Thanks so much.

This is exactly what an abductor would say.

Well, smart people don't use smartphones. Firstly they're made of glass and deliberately designed to break, secondly their systems are deliberately designed to go obsolete in about 18 months and third and most importantly they're electronically unhygienic.

Although the current President of the United States is wedded to his smartphone, the previous president never had one because Secret Service advice is against it. Not only does the thing geolocate you to unknown persons the entire time, but anyone who knows how to do it can remotely activate the microphone and turn the phone into a bug whenever they want. There are actually TV ratings firms who -- what with Netflix and iPads and stuff, meaning you can't monitor someone's TV habits just by attaching a bug to an olde-tyme TV set -- get their ratings-panels members to accept an app on their phones that will activate the microphone and a computer will recognise the soundtrack of whatever show is being watched in the room. But you don't actually need the phone owner's permission. You can just remotely make the microphone active and hear what's said in the room.

Please tell me that's a status dude

jfc

I think I learnt about Poe's Law when I saw it mentioned in a 2p2 post.

lol

people will actually fall for it though.

Wishing all moms (even deceased & moms of fur babies) a very special and Happy Mother's Day

I almost wished my wife a Happy Mother’s Day on Facebook, but then I remembered that she lives with me. Seriously though, why do people do that?

“I want to wish my wife a Happy Mother’s Day”

You can, you can walk right up to her and say it.

But how would everyone else know you're a good husband?

+1

thts ****in awesome i hope shes actually that much of a ditz.

like what do they expect the zoo to do lmao i hope its real

She obv expects the animals to be beaten off on a regular schedule! Lol!

maybe she wants a job.

Yeah the never ending debate on who will jerk off the elephants, so the kids don’t have to see the boners.

You're all a bunch of sick perverts, talking about zoo keepers jerking off elephants. Absolutely disgusting.

She's obviously asking them to purchase the new Elephant Fleshlight^TM with double ergonomic handle, trunk support, anus add-on, and self cleaning cum receptacle.