I love this place.

You definitely need to pick out something heavy and unweildy (and blunt - sharp elements are bad for you) for this option.

Sequential mode would definetely be the toughest. For all the modes though, I think the KO'ed kids should stay in the arena. Adds a nice aroma to the atmosphere, and you can pick them up and use 'em as weapons.

And to whoever wrote that their 5 year old is really strong, HE'S NOT. Your 5-year old is as weak as any 5 year old, he's NOT special.

Zero, I couldn't bring myself to attack a five year old unless there was a life threatening situation (like he had a loaded gun).

great topic gonores.

sharp objects definitely increase your variance, and are -EV. one poke to the eye from a spear and you're screwed, but good luck picking up a big club, you little punks.

I think we need a good name for this game.

Also, let's say you're going to be a professional or at least a serious enthusiast of this game. How would you train? I think my main focus would be on stamina and upper arm strength. I'd go with a rowing machine and upper body training.

I think Gladiator Games 2005 is a good name. (Of course, you'd have to have Madden in there pimping updates every year, stuff like BOOM! only gets you so far before it starts getting lame and you have to resort to chainsaws and the like.

As far as strength conditioning, from all these posts I've read saying they could handle 30+, I'm sure just pounding some OEs and snorting coke would do the trick (sarcasm)

Seriously, if you were gonna do this, I think you'd need to cross train, meaning a "strongest man" routine and a marathon runners routine. That way you have quick burst energy/strength, and the stamina to wade through the puddles of death you leave in your wake.

Happy Hunting.

Yeah, unlike the rest of us, who have no problem killing kindergartners for sport. Jeez....suspend reality for a few minutes to participate in a fun discussion.

Yeah, unlike the rest of us, who have no problem killing kindergartners for sport. Jeez....suspend reality for a few minutes to participate in a fun discussion.

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WTF are you talking about, suspend reality? This is the next Extreme Game dude. ESPN is salivating at the mouth to get this program launched. Makes Moto-X seem pretty weak.

I think 20. Any more than that, and there would just be so many kids in this enclosed area they would just be able to bum rush you and tackle you and dogpile on you and it would be over.

You really think that you'd be able to stop more than a certain number of kids rushing you at the same time? Get real.

A basketball court is very large compared to a mass of 20 5 year olds. Keeping running and they'll break formation.

if they were well trained they'd pull a gladiator style huddle in the center kind of action, and when you came near them, they'd try to get around behind you and then you'd be in a tough spot. if you got one and managed to bull rush through, they reform and start over, and you're more tired then they are. this is why I think numbers above 50 are too hard to beat *if traned*

- especially since gonores gets to pick the smartest ones.

The arguement against this logic is that all 20 kids can't get at you at once. Only like 5 or 6 at a time could reach you or they're just getting in each others way. I don't believe 5 or 6 five year-olds could pull me down.

the problem with heavy weapons is that they will tire you out swinging them, even if you are stronger-than-average. sure, the kids won't be able to lift the heavy weapons, but you've only got a limited number of swings in you, stamina-wise.

i'd take a nice aluminum baseball bat. sure, the kids will be able to lift it, but there's no way they have the strength to swing it hard enough to hurt you. and don't say they could all team up, because only a few kids can all hold it at the same time, and even then their swing would be terribly uncoordinated and weak. you could just stand there and play tee-ball with their heads all day, using the occasional kicks, etc., to deal with some of them.

There definitely is a critical mass after which more kids doesn't make any difference. What is this critical number? It would be different for different tactics. If you were talking about them jumping on you and doing whatever, there's only room for so many of them to jump on you. If you're talking about them forming en masse and bumrushing you, then the number is different. You could say that 100 kids running at you is a lot of mass, but when it hits you, it's certainly not with 100 times the force of one kid running into you.

I think anything more than single digits for either of these scenarios is all the same in the immediate. Any more than that just adds to the stamina and recovery ability required to keep repeating.

Do you see why?

I'll leave it for others to elaborate...

This strategy has some merit, but I think you really underestimate a kid with an aluminum bat. For this to work, I think you'd have to be an all-universe swordsman who could beat these kids down without letting them get a shot in.

I think in the end, the best strategy is to just pick either something so unweildy that they can't use it or something so ridiculously weak that it doesn't give them any advantage. I'd then just not use the weapon. I think there's plenty of advantage to the adult without any weapons and the introduction of any weapons is only tipping the scales more to the kids' favor.

Hey gonores,

wtf got you guys talking about this subject? I mean, it's awesome, don't get me wrong, but wtf dude?

classic.

on an unrelated note, i can't wait for some stupid idiot to think this thread is serious. "tonight on action news: internet psycopaths plot to kidnap 5 year-olds for gladiator-style deathmatch."

A bat is an awful choice. At some point you will fall down or get tackled. Having kids hit you with bats while you are down would be horrible. You have to choose something heavier than a bat, but not too heavy to prematurely tire yourself. Either that or choose a weapon that requires greater dexterity than a five year old could handle (compound bow? would require both strength and dexterity.)

I think I would rather opt for some sort of protection over a weapon. Maybe a helmet without a face guard. That way, you can still hurt them pretty bad and protect the one part of the body that would allow them to knock you out.

I agree with standing in the corner and cracking their heads up againist the wall. A half push (they only weigh like 40 pounds total) would knock them out. I think I could even crack 2 at once with 2 hands and just ram them to the wall. I also like the wall idea so that you could back up againist it and not fall, as well as not having anyone hit your legs from behind or something that could cause you to lose balance.

I think with this strategy you could knock out about 70 before you come physically exhausted and are ripe for the pickens.

ok then, so maybe this or one of these.

- You are not allowed to touch a wall.

damnit you're right. i feel like i'm inferior to a 5 year-old for even suggesting it. i guess i'll just take

a leather glove.