I thought I could make it without posting in this thread, but 3 months is just too long. This thread has won me over. I kept hoping it would go away, but like the sun it rises every morning without fail.
Now that I have admitted defeat, maybe I will be at peace with the 5 year olds.
So... Fairly new at this thread thing, but a friend introduced me to this discussion and I had to add my two cents.
I've been training in Jujutsu (a form of martial arts centered on grappling, taking down opponents and keeping myself from being taken down, all while using the most minimal amout of personal effort possible) for about ten years now. I've trained with many people from various age groups. My dojo holds childrens classes for kids 4 and up.
If you think one day of teaching them to be organized will make a difference, you are sadly mistaken. That being said, I've worked with the kids on a fairly regular basis. We play some games with them when they're good, including 'keep the adult on the floor'. we lie on the floor on our backs, and their job is to keep us down.
Agreed, they don't get to punch, kick, scratch, etc, but neither do we. and it's no challenge getting out from under any 5 or 6 kids in my dojo.
If you gave me the ability to start standing up, and do whatever I needed to to keep these kids away, I could easily do it all day. I'm no big guy, 5' 10", about 175, but you need to realize that even with hundreds of kids, they can only come so many at a time. and when you use one to take out another two, that limits them further. kids heads are very hard. If you grab one by the ankles, he makes a very feasable blackjack. My feeling, therefor, is that an indefinite number of 5 year olds is nearly irrelevant. the breaking point would be when I got bored.
This thread has opened doors for me to become a freelance humor writer, made me a C-list internet celebrity, and provided me with hours of entertainment, and I still [censored][/i]ing hate this thread and everyone other than me who has posted on it since around post #250. If I ever go to a big 2+2 gathering, I will memorize the people who fit in this category of non-funny posters who feel the need to still comment on this thread, and I will see how many pasty-white, pimple-faced 18 year-olds I can take in a fight. Damn...I am so glad I am not you.
When in kindergarten we had a game one day where we tried to push our chaperone (a young woman) off a platform and down the slide. I was about 5 years old. There were at least 10 of us and it took everything we had to get that skinny girl down the slide. I say with pride that I gave the shove that did her in (I was a strong kid.)
Now...considering she wasn't hitting us and was a girl I have to say that I could take on at least 60. Using proper tactics you will never face them all at once.
Use your speed. When they clump together charge at them like a knight on a horse and take out little groups of them. You should be able to knock out at least 2 each charge by knocking their heads together. Add one flying kick to the head (to maintain balance upon landing) as well as one running punch and that is at least 4 per charge. Then run away from them and charge another group.
And I don't agree that if you fall you're finished. 5 year old kids can't kick that hard. And if half are girls that is even better. I could take 60 boys if there are girls involved....a lotta sad families.
Having been directed to the conversation, I must offer my opinion. Your strength is in your stability - if you move around too much, you are liable to trip on the children already "out." Plus, they will have the ability to gain position on you in a period of unbalance. The key is to get as close to a wall as possible and stay in a solid base. As you begin knocking them out, pile their little bodies around your legs. This will force them to either shove the bodies into you as a distraction (unlikely as they are not strong and the number of bodies should be too great)or climb the pile of bodies - leaving them even more vulnerable. You should strike with the palm of your hand, elbow, and occasionally fist. Grab the neck or collar with one hand and strike swiftly to the temple with the other. This will conserve energy. The problem will be the first 10-15 minutes. You will have to fight ferociously to position yourself near a wall and knock enough out to begin the knocked out kids buffer. Also, make sure you build the wall behind you - this will create a buffer in case you get pushed back.
I have a 4 year old daughter. We play boxing all the time. If I really wanted to, it is REDICULOUS how easy I could take her out. I dont imagine it'll get much harder when she turns 5.
I know I could take on 100 of them without any trouble. If they were trained better than the hypothetical 1 day, MAYBE they could get lucky.
I imagine if they all just rush me and as many as possible grabs jumps on my legs and holds on, and the rest of them charge me and push me down, then they all pile up on me, maybe I would suffocate. That would be over 2 tons of 5 year olds. They would have to execute it flawlessly, and get it done before I knocked too many of them out and diminishing their numbers.
I was a varsity wrestler in high school. Iiiiiim a good wrestler, but I once had to forfeit a match. I could beat an infinite amount of five year olds. Im not kidding. I was that good. Now Im a pro poker player. Iiiiits a good movie.
Well, screw ethics and morals, and you could take down hundreds if you're in good shape. Think Chinese action movie with people flying from kicks and such. If you hold back, because as was said before, they're not going to, then they'll win. Maybe it's like zombies and they'll just swarm you, but I really doubt the entire populace of five year olds, one at a time, with rest as needed, could ever do any real damage on their own. For females in which they'd have no sense of ethics, then this would be easy for them... then again, we have testosterone. And a sense of uncaring for talking about maiming hundreds of five year olds.
I haven't read every single post, so somebody else may have submitted this solution, but if not, I humbly present it here:
I propose that a healthy adult (or relatively healthy--one who has gone through puberty and has no functional physical defects) can pummel five year olds until he gets tired, and considering that one could probably incapacitate a five-year-old with a single hit, I believe this number would be much higher than thirty for most.
There are several points to be taken into account:
1) In response to whoever commented on getting bitten in the balls: the situation clearly states that you will be wearing a cup
2) While the five year olds are "swarming" around you and not lining up one one one, as a previous poster noted, only a certain number can reach you at a time. If we estimate this at eight (which I think is fairly generous, considering their diminutive reach), then it should be obvious that no adult would really ever be threatened, at least until fatigue strikes. I think that four or five rounds of head bashing would be quite easy for any adult.
3) While it is true that they can bite, these would not really incapacitate an adult; they would annoy, and maybe sting, but not actually limit one's ability to fight, Unless perhaps they bite off a finger, but one's hands should be moving quick enough to prevent that.
4) As the fight progresses, the adult will probably have a ring of bodies around him. Any remaining five year olds will be forced to trudge through these bodies to reach the adult, and will probably get tripped up along the way, making them increasingly ineffective as the fight goes longer.
5) As a post near the top stated, you can grap one by the feet and swing him around. You'll be able to slap the crap out of any five year old before he gets within five of his arm-lengths of you.
The 'fort' strategy would be the most effective strategy here.
The first step would be to knock out 15 little buggers in the first 5-10 minutes and when you knock one out throw their body into the corner of the room. Then, take a corpse and start swinging it at oncomming children to ward off the attack while building a semicircle boundry of bodies and using the corner of the room. Once you build up the fort it will be hard for the attackers to penetrate it so you will have a relatively safe zone. As you procede you should build your wall of bodies only 1 or 2 high but more importantly very wide. Make it so that they have to trample the dead just to get to you .
You cant afford to have them continually swarming you for hours so building up a boundry will stem the flow of 5-year-olds to a manageable pace.
After you have built up your wall and outer perimiter you should build a secondary perimiter of bodies, leave a 5 foot radius from the first boundry and build a second one, this way you will have room to retreat if your boundry gets broken.
The key is that you want to fight at your own pace so that you dont get tired. Ideally the boundry will look as follows:
By building up a boundry you will be able to ensure your rest and you should be able to take out many more children.
Using this method I would set my number somewhere around 400 5-year-olds.
Also, it would be important to deliver the knockout blows with the palm of your hands to prevent broken hands. Also make sure that the blows are swift enough so that no buggers bite one of your fingers.
When I was 19 I drove a van for the YMCA and was in charge of feeding the pre-schoolers lunch, taking them out to run off some steam, and getting them down for a nap. There was one particular 5 year old there who was an incredible load. I could not believe how strong this kid was. I have no doubt in my mind that he went on to be a star athlete. 30 of these types would be a tough proposition. 30 of your average 5 year olds would be a piece of cake.