02-28-2005 , 01:57 PM
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This thread, like Samuel Jackson, has become a caricature of itself. There hasn't been anything worthwhile posted here in about 200 responses. Make that 201.

-Michael
just one example of how wrong you are
02-28-2005 , 02:01 PM
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I'll bet it would be possible, with a good bit of work, to determine this using computer simulation. Trying to figure out the question "How many" is a lot harder than "How long can you run?", "How much strength does it take to knock out a 5 year old?", "How many five year olds can attack someone at once?", "How hard can an average 5 year old kick/bite/etc?". It should be much easier for people to agree with a relatively close number on those questions. Use those answers to have factors like endurance, endurance regeneration, strength, etc... plug them in to some type of computer simulation and ta da, problem solved.

Would there be any interest in a project like this?
I spend my entire day developing, running, and analyzing the results of computer simulations of many different structures, both static and dynamic. It is my professional opinion that it would be damn near impossible to get a realistic and accurate simulation like this, and if you could do it, it would take an investment on the order of hundreds of thousands of dollars (at least if you hired out the equivalent of me/my company to do the work). I really think conjecture is a more accurate and cheaper way to assess this situation.

To the recent poster who suggested an army of 5-year-old-size 2+2ers, I would not want to take on that challenge. The number for this challenge would probably be in the single digits - low double digits at best.
02-28-2005 , 02:02 PM
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Ramming your leg into a skull will throw you off balance (I know, I just tried it on my daughter) and you may well trip on the corpse you just created (I know I just did).
just when i thought nothing could be added to this thread to make it better, a statement like this is made.

eagle.
Agreed. Brilliant!
02-28-2005 , 02:10 PM
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To the recent poster who suggested an army of 5-year-old-size 2+2ers, I would not want to take on that challenge. The number for this challenge would probably be in the single digits - low double digits at best.
That was me -- and here I have to agree with the folks who point out just how puny and weak 5-year olds are. I think that the main difference with the 2+2'ers is that they'll bring you down faster and you'll be more likely to stay down. But you still need enough to swarm, and while we'd be better organized, it's not like we'd have a hive mind.

I'll put my guess for 2+2'ers at something like 20. 25 max. Five or six get taken out quickly, the remaining 15 swarm, 5 more get taken out but the final 10 gouge your eyes out and rip your ears off .
02-28-2005 , 02:13 PM
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To the recent poster who suggested an army of 5-year-old-size 2+2ers, I would not want to take on that challenge. The number for this challenge would probably be in the single digits - low double digits at best.
That was me -- and here I have to agree with the folks who point out just how puny and weak 5-year olds are. I think that the main difference with the 2+2'ers is that they'll bring you down faster and you'll be more likely to stay down. But you still need enough to swarm, and while we'd be better organized, it's not like we'd have a hive mind.

I'll put my guess for 2+2'ers at something like 20. 25 max. Five or six get taken out quickly, the remaining 15 swarm, 5 more get taken out but the final 10 gouge your eyes out and rip your ears off .
I'm thinking a combination eyes/face and nuts attack in combination with a whipsaw variant to ensure you get taken down. If we're playing the variation where we get to choose a weapon, my 'weapon' would definitely be a cup. In this challenge, I think a very manly woman (or a castrated Grey) has a decided advantage.
02-28-2005 , 02:18 PM
What's the whipsaw variant?
02-28-2005 , 02:24 PM
Some sort of play where they lay down behind you and the others push you over the one behind you and trip you to the ground.
02-28-2005 , 02:42 PM
Gotcha. I think that a well-coordinated mass of 5-year olds could bring someone down to their knees pretty quickly. I know that you're not allowed to touch a wall, but if I were the big guy here I'd have to stand with my back to it to have a chance.

Which brings us to the natural question, gonores (if you're still around), what happens if you DO touch a wall?

ooh, ooh, I'll ask and answer this one . . . each wall is covered with nasty pointy spikes, ala the final room in The Running Man. That'll make sure you don't back up against it, and it will make you wary of putting your back to it as well!

Seriously, I think the Magic Number is 10 or 20 less than normal (at least) if it's very difficult to stop them from getting behind you.

Another consider: offense/defense. Do they automatically attack? Must you automatically attack? The attacker, it seems, has the disadvantage here. Is there a time limit, i.e., you have to bring them down in ten minutes? Fifteen minutes? An hour?
02-28-2005 , 04:20 PM
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what happens if you DO touch a wall?
You lose.

Sorry the response is boring.
02-28-2005 , 04:27 PM
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what happens if you DO touch a wall?
You lose.

Sorry the response is boring.
I like the wall-of-daggers idea much better.
03-16-2005 , 04:20 PM
Post of the year, deserves another look-see.

-d
03-16-2005 , 04:23 PM
probably 15
03-16-2005 , 04:46 PM
From my Friend who I have discussed this with:

By the way, I was at the Christening the next day and there was a girl there who was about to turn 5. I though about putting her through some tests (you know, make her run a 50 yard dash, lift some weights, climb over objects) but I didn't know her family so I figured it wasn't a good idea. I mean, what would I tell her, "I know what you're thinking, I'm not trying to molest your daughter. That's sick. I'm trying to figure out how many of her I can kill."
03-16-2005 , 06:17 PM
I don't normally read OOT, but saw this and had to throw in some bragging. I have a son who has just turned 6. He takes karate and is a badass. If I could coach him and some of his bigger and quicker buddies on some tactics and strategy, I think about 10-15 of them could whip you.
03-16-2005 , 06:24 PM
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I don't normally read OOT, but saw this and had to throw in some bragging. I have a son who has just turned 6. He takes karate and is a badass. If I could coach him and some of his bigger and quicker buddies on some tactics and strategy, I think about 10-15 of them could whip you.
you can't have all black-belt 5 year-olds:

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The pool will be 50/50 in terms of gender and will have no discernable abnormalities in terms of demographics, other than they are all healthy Americans.
certainly extensive martial arts training is an abnormality in terms of demographics. out of 1,000 random american 5 year-olds, how many have that level of martial arts training? 1? 2? you can add one martial-arts trained 5 year-old to the mix of average 5 year-olds with one day of training and my number doesn't change. using 10-15 of them who have your son's level of training would violate the conditions of this thread. assuming you could do that, though, i would be inclined to agree that 10-15 5 year-olds with extensive martial arts training could take out an average adult.
03-16-2005 , 06:34 PM
WE have the technology to do this-
we just clone Evan and give him a couple of years to grow.
03-16-2005 , 06:41 PM
One followup question - Would my son and his buddies fight gonores only, or gonores AND his personal assistant?
03-16-2005 , 06:45 PM
ok-
assuming an average sized high scholl gymnasium-
i think i could take 70-80 if i have a week or two to get ready.

I start in the middle of the room- when the whistle blows (or whatever) i lower my shoulder and sprint in any direction- bowling over five or six kids. i cut hard to either the right or the left knocking over a few more, cut again, a couple more. this should scatter most of the kids as i keep this up and then i grab one shrieking little sh*t by the ankles and use him as a weapon if any amount of them has formed a group i toss him directly into their center. i do this any time i see a clump of them organizing. Other wise i stick to the charge at them philosophy, pausing for breath and punch and kick whoever is closest. I think i could def take 70.
03-17-2005 , 01:05 AM
I discussed this with my son this evening before he went to bed, and he is ready to whip some ass.
03-17-2005 , 02:11 AM
any forum, anywhere, hands down, the G.O.A.T.

and my answer is 'all of them'.
03-17-2005 , 04:58 AM
thank you, sir
03-17-2005 , 05:00 AM
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WE have the technology to do this-
we just clone Evan and give him a couple of years to grow.
wow.
03-20-2005 , 03:26 PM
I think what the most of you are forgetting is the fact that you are drunk...I don't know how well you can react, but I know I do slag a bit...I could probably take on about 25 5 year olds...I know karate, but still being drunk plays a bigger role then what you think...
03-20-2005 , 03:45 PM
yeah dude 30 is a lot.
and im 6'1, so im sure id be taking heavy fire in all the wrong places.
maybe 10, i could beat the crap out of ten.
03-20-2005 , 05:41 PM
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ok-
assuming an average sized high scholl gymnasium-
i think i could take 70-80 if i have a week or two to get ready.

I start in the middle of the room- when the whistle blows (or whatever) i lower my shoulder and sprint in any direction- bowling over five or six kids. i cut hard to either the right or the left knocking over a few more, cut again, a couple more. this should scatter most of the kids as i keep this up and then i grab one shrieking little sh*t by the ankles and use him as a weapon if any amount of them has formed a group i toss him directly into their center. i do this any time i see a clump of them organizing. Other wise i stick to the charge at them philosophy, pausing for breath and punch and kick whoever is closest. I think i could def take 70.
I think you're overestimating how well a thrown kid will disperse a crowd, and underestimating both their regrouping speed, and their ability to avoid your shoulder. Unless you're sonic the hedgehog. 5-year olds tend to be on the short side.

m