I havent read all of the responses, because there are way too many, but i think the fact that they will "swarm you" is irrelevant unless there are an exorborant amount. If they start around you, you could easily charge at 1 or 5 and just run them over. All you have to do is make sure to run around enough to not encounter too many at once. If they bundle together, pick off the ones on the edges. I would think it would just be a game of endurance.

I'm so glad this thread is back.

you seriously should read all the responses. There's some comedic gold in this thread.

this thread needs to be stickied.

Sneaking in at work...this thread is da bomb. It was the running joke of my trip this weekend to montreal. But 5 yr olds was replaced with...
17 yr old girls, Canadian prostitutes, Strippers, Mounties, etc.

And in some instances, the verb was different..

I'm pretty sure I could take 65-80 w/out weapons and if given the option for a weapon I would take a gas powered lawnmower and chop them up all Dead Alive style. There's no way they could pull the start cord on theirs or lift it high enough to hurt me.

I'd back up towards a corner and destroy them all--until I was out of gas...

but remember that would put you in a room roughly the size of a basketball court with not only 65-80 five year olds, but also 65-80 lawnmowers. you wouldn't be able to manuever yours, and you'd get tired pretty quick trying to carry and swing it around.

I think using the 5y/o's as weapons is a rather intelligent idea. I bet if you got a hold of one you could swing those things pretty damn fast, and toss them too.

I think that once my arms and shoulders got tired I would resort to the bullrush/slam heads off walls method (although this is definitely where the other lawnmowers as obstacles creates a great problem). Would there be any of those Maury Povich 300lb 5 year olds to contend with?

bump....for the children.

this thread should be made sticky, as an example of the kind of discourse new posters in oot should aspire to.

best thread EVER, ANYWHERE!

My 5 year old daughter weighs over 60 pounds and has very little fat on her body. She is in the 90th percentile for weight for girls but there are plenty of boys her size and larger. Having a pool of 2x to select from will lead to some good size rug rats coming after you. People that think you can't be knocked out quickly by a 5 year old are insane. Once you are on the ground one of the little bastards will do a running cannon ball on your head and game over. They certainly don't need any training to learn this move as I've experience it more than once when wrestling with a pack of the little buggers. I also think it's a lot harder to run through kids, knocking them down, trampling them, etc. without going down. Ramming your leg into a skull will throw you off balance (I know, I just tried it on my daughter) and you may well trip on the corpse you just created (I know I just did). I'm going with a number around 30 as reasonable as the ability to pick the best from the 2x group AND an entire day to train them will make them considerably more challenging than going down to the local daycare and stomping on the first herd you run into.

It's scary to realize how much thought I put into this question and the above only reflects a small percentage of my work. Sick may be a better word.

I think you're over-estimating their ability to take you down.

5 year olds are pussies who don't have any developed muscles.

I could undoubtedly take out the toughest 5 year old in the world with my legs and arms tied together

Abso-freakin-lutely amazing how many replies this post has received. The only thing that could help spike this number now is if Malmsky got into the fray.

This thread ownes, but my question is: Why hasn't anybody posted the results yet? I'd do it but I just don't know enough 5 year olds.

Did you forget this question is hypothetical?

nm

I'll bet it would be possible, with a good bit of work, to determine this using computer simulation. Trying to figure out the question "How many" is a lot harder than "How long can you run?", "How much strength does it take to knock out a 5 year old?", "How many five year olds can attack someone at once?", "How hard can an average 5 year old kick/bite/etc?". It should be much easier for people to agree with a relatively close number on those questions. Use those answers to have factors like endurance, endurance regeneration, strength, etc... plug them in to some type of computer simulation and ta da, problem solved.

Would there be any interest in a project like this?

This thread, like Samuel Jackson, has become a caricature of itself. There hasn't been anything worthwhile posted here in about 200 responses. Make that 201.

-Michael

Did you just make a post not referencing your winrate? or a headsup match?

Is everything ok?


good natured ribbing

no way...you know there's some 5 year old out there who's a 9th degree blackbelt who'd kick your ass...

This is the best OOT post ever.

Excellent point. We really can't answer this question with any degree of certainty until we start breaking it down into smaller elements.

To me, here are the two hugely key questions:

1) What tactics would the 5-year olds learn during their hour about how to bring you down to your knees, or lower?

2) What tactics would you learn to stop them from doing this?

3) Given #1 and #2, how quickly could they bring you down to your knees, or lower? On average?

4) If they did bring you down to your knees, or lower, what % of the time could you right yourself and toss the little buggers off?

Seems to me that as long as you're upright, you're golden. But as soon as enough of them are clasped around your legs to make you immobile/easily tripped, or enough of them are underneath you to make you fall, you're in trouble.

My guess is that dispatching the first 10 or 20 will be a massive piece of cake, but by 25 or 30 they'll get you down, and start jumping on your head. At that point you won't have any idea where you are or what the hell is going on -- it'll be like being surrounded by a swarm of hornets.

50-50 to get up at that point. If you get up and shake them off, you can probably take down another 20 or so, rinse, repeat.

So my guess is around 40.

Follow up question: Instead of being slightly above-average 5-year olds, they are little f'ing well-organized and super-intelligent geniuses like in Ender's Game. Not any stronger than the usual 5-year old, but basically adult minds in 5-year old bodies.

How many are you taking down then?

Or, more humorously put: what's your magic number if you have to fight that many 2+2'ers, shrunk down to the size of 5-year olds?

just when i thought nothing could be added to this thread to make it better, a statement like this is made.

eagle.