Select a handgun with a combination safety lock and unlimited loaded magazines. How many 5 year olds will be able to successfully unlock a combination lock before you have blasted their little brains all over the gym? Plus if any of them start to get close you just pick them off early.

there's NO WAY you can analogize a room full of 5 year-olds to a pack of wild dogs. the dogs will be MUCH BETTER at working as a team, both instinctually and from their life experiences. also, the dogs would know where to attack to take the prey/opponent down and incapacitate it fastest, and they would strike quickly and effectively. one day of training could not bring 5 year-olds up to this level.

Does the one-day training include training on the weapon being used, or is the weapon a surprise just dropped in at the beginning of the day? If the training includes the weapon being used, your plan is seriously flawed and is sure to produce the lowest score possible.

how about a weedwhacker with the metal blade attachment? the 5 year-olds won't even be able to start it, and even if they do they can't lift it. you could just lay into them with that spinning blade.

note that this carries a big risk, as you're in a room full of 5 year-olds and weedwhackers, and if you fall down they probably won't even need to start the thing to [censored] you up.

choose the weedwhacker if you like to GAMBOOOOL!!!!111

I see many responses in the 10 range and cannot figure this out. I got jumped by 5 adults once and though they did some damage they never came close to taking me out. One swat to a 5 year old and he's on the floor crying. I would say stamina comes into play, you would tire after x amount of 5 yr olds so that's what needs to be determined first. I would say for myself, in my current shape I could take at least 30+ 5 yr olds, give me a cup to protect the jewels and increase the number to 50. Give me a month or two to exercise and I think I could do 80 easily. Now I am talking your average 5 yr old, untrained and not organized.
You could stand in one spot spinning in a circle with your arms out and take out at least 10 or so.

I think it has to include training for them as well. The contest must be fair.

BTW, I think Rockstar, the makers of manhunt would be most interested in this idea.

Probably, but I really think this is the kind of thing that needs to be experienced 'for real' and loses much of its value when ported to a TV screen. Don't get me wrong - it'd be fun as hell, but I think it'd not have much replay value.

True, but I bet it would be hard to get the parents to sign the waivers

I wonder how many hungry (of course they'd be ill-tempered) house cats people think they could take out. That'd be more of a challenge then the 5yr olds I think. I say if they are truly hungry/angry, maybe 15 cats could do the trick.

I think I would also have a pocket full of new pennies or other shiny things. That way, if they did rush at you, you could throw the pennies on the floor, distracting half of them, which would buy you some time to regroup.

Plus, in a group of 100 5-year olds, probably at least 10 of them would put the pennies in their mouth. They start passing out from choking, and your score just went up.

Gonores,

I might give this challenge to the Marines. I am going through a course right now to be qualified to be a Forward Air Controller and most of the guys are Marine Aviators (Im Navy). I thought I should ask you if you are kosher with me bringing your idea outside the 2+2 environ.

We have plenty of jarheads here. Besides the swinging wing don't know squat about killing 5 year-olds unless you want them blown up.

Great thread.

This question becomes a lot more interesting if we consider 9 or 10 year olds. I think 20 would definitely be tricky then.

Am I allowed to headbutt?

obviously, but what are you gonna do, crawl around headbutting?

Naturally, we'd need a trip report, but, yeah...feel free... Assuming you aren't trying to make money off it

10 Pick nearest child up with two hands.
20 Lift child to head height.
30 Headbutt.
40 Goto 10

Sweet Alaskan asparagus tips! That's way too slow.

I'd obviously be thrashing around with my legs too.

I'm not saying this is the most +EV way to play it, not by a long way. But you can't beat a bit o' tupping.

I have since concluded that the responses in this thread are vastly overestimating the physical strength and intelligence of ever the top 50% of 5 year olds. Since these are REAL 5 year olds and not zombie genetically modified super 5 year olds, I would conservatively estimate my number at 75, and it could be as high as twice that.

These are "average" 5 year olds. AVERAGE AVERAGE AVERAGE. That means there are many fat kids, unathletic kids, and girls. In a group of 30 there would be maybe 3 or 4 that I'd be worried about.

I have been a camp counselor for 10 and 11 year olds with groups of 20-30 kids and there is not a shadow of a doubt in my mind that I could EASILY destroy them. Like above, there would be maybe 3 or 4 I'd be worried about and these kids are TWICE THEIR AGE!

5 year olds? I bet I could take on about 80. At that point there would be just too many and they would swarm over me, but less than 30? Come on now... how many of you have actually been with large groups of 5 year olds?

nope, not if they're AVERAGE 10 year olds. I think 40 or 50 is reasonable then.

I've actually done this, and while it's no fun when there are a ton of the little bastiges, once you get down to the last few, and you're kicking the crap out of them, it's a party.

Well we could give one call for fire per hour to the adult. Say maybe a single salvo from a battalion battery, load up some DPICM.

I have thought about this before when wresling with a couple of my 5 year oldish cousins. I think the best thing to do would be to run around untill the kids spread out a bit then hit them one by one, not giving them a chance to overwhelm you. 5 year olds are extremely light, you could toss them really high in the air one at a time, when they land, they are bound to break something and are not getting up. i agree that you will be limited by stamina, I think people are definately underestimated how useless 5 year olds are.
Malone

On saturday I will be running a chess tournament for about 100 kids. The Kindergarten section will be right near me, and there will probably be about 20-30 5 year olds there. If for some strange reason they all decide to suddenly attack me, we will have our answer.

so what about bruce lee vs. the 5 year olds?

I'm saying he could take ALL of them