So I'll probably get flamed for this, but I don't want to screw this up. Hopefully, you can lead me in the right direction.

I've always thought it was weird to approach girls through sites such as Facebook or Myspace, but I don't know if I have any other options.

Last week I responded to a residence for a criminal trespass and spoke with this older woman (79). While I was there, her granddaughter was there. I didn't think anything of it, but she was definitely cute, seemed intelligent, gave me the impression that she had strong ties to her family, and overall gave me the impression that she had goals for herself.

I ended up filing an arrest on her brother's girlfriend, who the whole family can't stand because her brother is an alcoholic and a drug user, and the girlfriend has been a big pain in the ass for our department with them constantly fighting.

Anyways, so the next day I went down there to clarify the situation and the granddaughter saw the police car there and she stopped in before heading to work. She is a nurse and was all dressed up, had her hair done really nice, and I was pretty much interested right then. I couldn't do much about it because I was working, but now I want to get ahold of her and see if she'd like to go out for dinner or something.

The problem is that I will probably never run into her again outside of my work so my only option is to add her as a friend on Facebook and then casually send her an email. That seems so stalkish/tacky and don't want to come across to her as that type.

I believe she is about 20-21 years old (I'm 25). For the past several months I didn't really care about meeting anybody, but after "meeting" her, I don't want to pass this up until I find out for sure that it won't work. I don't know if she is dating anyone, if she still lives with her parents, or anything like that.

So what is my play on this? Add her on facebook and then email her or just hope that I someday run into her outside of work, which will probably have a .01% chance of happening?

I don't have any pics of her as I can't get into her facebook profile yet.

just facebook and message her, if you don't think you'll run into her again. what's the worst that can happen, she says no?

it's absolutely not sketchy when you have no other options. sketchy would be finding out where she works and "accidently" running into her.
besdies, there won't be any phone calls or interactions in a few months, it will all be facebook.

and i kind of skimmed, would this girl know who you are if you added her?

I just think it's awkward given the circumstances on how I met her, and then turn around and add her as a friend on facebook asking her out to dinner.

I'm pretty sure she would. Our department isn't that big and I'm sure she'd recognize me from my profile picture.

well your options are facebook her, and maybe get shot down cause she thinks it's kinda creepy, or probably never see her again.

i just assume most people between 12-25 are used to being found on facebook. hell i think most of my friends in our 30s expect it now.

You're a cop, she's a nurse. Pretty much bound to happen really.

It is weird though, how you're thinking that just sending her an email could be
stalkerish. The world has gone crazy. I guess it's a fine line but pursuing a girl
somewhat 'vigorously(?)' has really gotten a bad name.

find out what hospital she works at show up with this problem:

nsfw? http://graphics2.snopes.com/photos/m...rokenpenis.jpg

two birds with one stone, imo

Shoot her a message on FB first and give her the option to add you. Some ppl are protective of their profiles.

I know where she works as her grandma mentioned it to me while I was talking to her in the kitchen about how the whole situation happened. Only problem is that it is 30 miles away so I won't run into her.

You mean send her a message without adding her as a friend? I never thought about doing it that way.

It has also been about 7-8 days now since that night. I'm trying to think of a good time to do it. I don't want it to be like I turn around and go searching for her on facebook. Yeah, I'm probably overthinking this way too much.

I think it is awkward and probably inappropriate in some way. Your interactions with her have all been as a police officer acting in a professional capacity and acting in a position of authority and power. It’s a bit awkward to then ask her out without any further contact outside of work. And if she’s not interested, you then put her in a weird spot, because she might now feel reluctant to call the police the next time her trailer trash family has a stereotypical trailer trash problem—a la “Cops.” It seems like the best play is to try to “randomly” bump into her at work or somewhere else.

A couple other questions, how is she a nurse at 20? Don’t you need a degree for that? Also, I’m gonna go out on the line here and say that she’s probably not as together as you think. Few people from these kind of families are. Having said that, she could be the exception, but proceed with caution.

I'll probably never run into her as she lives outside of my jurisdiction. She works nights at a hospital 30 miles away.

She isn't part of a "trailer-trash" family. She has an older sister, who is about 2 years younger than me and she is just a typical everyday girl. Her brother is probably 3-4 years older than me. He was a very good pitcher in high school and had a chance to play professional baseball, but chose alcohol over baseball. I think her family once owned a jewelry store so I think her family is pretty functional - although I think her parents are divorced. Her brother just turned out to be a bad egg.

And she is a nurse at 20 because I think the nursing school she went to was only like 2 years long, kind of like an associates degree. She isn't like one of those trauma nurses in a large hospital. I think she is just one of those nurses who check up on you every now and then. I know she graduated in 2005 from high school and I graduated in 2001, so me being 25, I'm just estimating that she is 4 years younger than I am.

if she graduated in 2005, wouldn't she be at least 21?

I didn't try to figure it out exactly. I was young for my grade as my birthday is in June so she's in the 20-21 range somewhere. I'm just estimating knowing that she isn't like 18 or something that is maybe too young for me.

Hide outside the house in a bush in just a blue raincoat watching and listening

You're both relatively close in age and career-minded given your respective professions so that's always good to build on.

Show up at her door. Not kidding.

edit: Not in uniform, obviously.

This is creepy. The right answer is to pull her over and then offer her dinner or a ticket.

Seriously, I just don't see how this is appropriate unless you know her from a non-professional setting, which requires bumping into her at least once somewhere when you're not on duty. Doesn't your department have some ethical code regarding this? Is there a general police conduct ethics for this kind of thing? Just seems like a lot of potential pitfalls.

I definitely wouldn't do it while I was working, but outside of work I don't see how they could stop me as I have a personal/private life too.

If I was to send her an email I think I would have to explain myself why I'm doing it over facebook given that I will never just "bump" into her. If I had to guess, she is probably like me, and doesn't do much outside of work.

'does this handkerchief smell like chloroform to you?'

pretty standard play.

more like:



couldn't find a better pic of jay in uniform

Call her up, mention who you are, and ask her out. Don't lay on all the "I just saw you and had to ask you out" stuff, just short and sweet. Also, make it clear it's a personal, not business call. Showing up on her door uninvited or asking her in any kind of professional capacity seems creepy and possibly intimidating.