You're lucky to be alive imo

At first I considered the people that thought you would get poop on your sack from going between the legs were just dumb but now I think I understand. I was just in the bathroom and tried going around to the back and doing it that way really gives you no control over your hand. You are forced to 'wipe' and it really felt like I was doing a lot of smearing instead of removal of poop.

When I go between the legs I can get right there to it with good leverage and I don't really do any wiping at all and my sack is cleared out of any possible harm. What I do is place the toilet paper over ass and pinch together, removing as much **** as possible without spreading it around. I wasn't able to do this going around at all.

It really is funny to me how self-righteous some people are in this thread. Aside from not looking w/o wet wipes and not washing your hands, I'm sure all methods reach the same conclusion, some are just easier than others.

My standard dump routine:

1) Unwrap about 3 or 4 layers of TP - toss in garbage or toilet.
2) Unwrap another bunch of TP and wipe toilet seat. If anything starts smearing around (piss stains, whatever), leave. Poop elsewhere.
3) Drop pants and position in front of toilet.
4) While lowering myself onto toilet seat, simultaneously reach behind and lift lid to about 30 to 45 degrees.
5) While continuing to lower my ass, look down between my legs, past my enormous dong and inspect underside of toilet seat for bugs.
6) Drop seat to original position and make first ass contact.
7) Shift left/right/left/right until cheeks are perfectly spaced apart. Bunched together and you might have a mess, too far apart and the sphincter could be stretched into an oval shape - not optimal for large doogans.
8) Back one out.
9) Sit-wipe, reach-behind, front-to-back with a couple "swirls" in there. Looker (at least for the final wipe).
10) Stand, pull up pants, buckle, etc - also verify successful flush. Usually commercial toilets have monstrous suction so no worries.
11) Wash hands, paper-towel to open door.

ABout the only way this differs is at work or in public I don't have to check for bugs, and at home I don't have to paper-towel the door to open it. Also, if at a friend's house, I will usually start off by flushing the toilet as soon as I arrive to verify proper flush suction. If it seems like a weak flush, I will usually throw in a few mid-dump flushes to make sure I don't clog anything.

Edit: Forgot to add - I also have a few places between home and work that I refer to as "safe houses". Sometimes the morning constitution arrives after I've left home but before I make it to work (30 to 45 minute commute). Safe houses are businesses with familiar facilities, usually single person restrooms that are clean, and have a functional door lock. I always verify the door lock actually works before the routine begins.

LOL at people using paper to open doors. ****ing OCD mother****ers. You realise pretty much every bathroom door opens outwards for this very reason? Use your foot to open that bitch if you think it will affect your lifespan. The keyboard you are typing on has more germs and feces on it than a toilet door ever will.

[QUOTE=SmokeyRidesAgain;2411298The keyboard you are typing on has more germs and feces on it than a toilet door ever will.[/QUOTE]


if you believe this, you are an idiot

Toilet doors get cleaned like every day by some nice immigrant. How often do you clean your keyboard? Nevermind disinfect it.

Did anyone else crack up like an idiot when "Sightless" replied? Oh the irony!!

I used to be a monodirectional wiper, but then one day after I finished my usual paperwork and the TP was sufficiently white, I figured what the heck lets try one the other way. Turns out there was still a bunch of poo. I have been bidirectional ever since.

Am I the only one that doesn't poo/wipe in front of my significant other?

i'm not reading this entire thread, but if you're not sitting, looking, and wiping front to back, there's something wrong with you.

wow, this thread is amazing.

Just chiming in as a standing looker. And I agree with whoever suggested I stand to wipe because that is how my parents used to wipe me when I first started pooping in toilets. And also, I cannot imagine sitting down to wipe.

How did a thread about **** manage to turn into an OOT classic?

Yep, same. All the people in this thread who are talking up one direction as being the only direction all have dirty ass cracks. Scarily, this is most of them.

I dare all of you who only wipe one way. Do your regular wiping until you're done and then try wiping the other way and take a look.

I'm way behind on the whole thread now so perhaps somebody addressed this...but I didn't see it.

Asking whether the way you look at it is standard seems really weird when the real question should be why your wife knows so much about your dumping/wiping habits in the first place.

How do you go back to front? It seems like between the legs is the only way to accomplish this, right?

.

This is wrong. The bathroom at my work is "pull to exit". The bathrooms at my last place of employment were "pull to exit.". The bathrooms at the local supermarkets and gas stations that I frequent are all "pull to exit". Sometimes the door between the stalls and the sink area is "push to exit", but always the final door exiting the sink area is "pull". Even in restaurants.

See there are alot of people that will take a **** and not wash their hands. Maybe these guys get **** on their hands a little bit, then they go grab the handle and smear **** on the door. I'm not worried about germs so much like getting a cold or the flu. But I don't want to contract Hepatitis-A or e.coli. Sure I can get germs off my keyboard, but dudes that **** and don't wash are not touching my keyboard.

The paper towel on the door handle people crack me up.

I work in an office building that houses a lot of smaller offices. There's one set of bathrooms per floor; they're located in the lobby. It amazes me that people will use a paper towel to open the bathroom door when they leave, walk thirty feet, then use their bare hand to open their office door or the door to the outside. Guess what? The people who don't wash their hands after they use the bathroom are also using those doors too! Do you think the germ covered hand they used to open the bathroom door magically sterilized itself in the time it took them to walk to the next door they had to open? I'm sure any door handle (bathroom or not) has a ton of germs on it. If you're that concerned about it, why don't you walk around with a stack of paper towels in your pocket and use one any time you open a door?

Twenty years ago using a paper towel to open a bathroom door would probably get you a diagnosis of OCD. Now it's considered normal behavior.

The mechanism for wiping is usually a "pulling motion" right? Like a scoop. You're not going to "push" the toilet paper across your *******, your are pulling it across.

So the between-the-leggers are generally back-to-fronters right? Because they stick the tp down as far as it will go and pull it, in a sort of scooping motion.

So contrarily the around-the-backers can go front-to-back because they stick in deep and pull their hand, again - in a sort of scooping motion, back out.

I'm definitely being swayed more and more toward the paper towel/door handle tactic. I can recall a few times where I've reached for the handle only to quickly jerk my hand away in horror after a very liquidy experience.

I never noticed Burlap prior to this thread, I will always remember him as the guy who was passionate about wiping strategy.

Do you guys crumble your tp to wipe or fold it all nice and neat? I do the crumbling method and look after a wipe and usually fold the toilet paper over the doo doo and go for another wipe.

yeah ure right. That door is squeeky clean since some guy cleans it (lol, yeah right) after every 300 dirty ****ers use it.

Since im the only one who uses my keyboard, and I dont have **** all over my fingers ill bet any amount of money its cleaner than a bathroom door. Also, it gets wiped down once a week when I clean my room.

FFK,

I think the forum would be very interested to hear your take on the matter.