Went out and got ****ed up,realized it realizd I don't want to live anymore, but can't pull the trigger, so just wanted you guys to know it's not that bad when it comes to poker....

Don't do it and post tomorrow.

+1

Eeyorefora,

I've always been a fan of your posting. Try and get some rest, the serotonin boost (serotonin is lowest right before we fall asleep) might do the trick and you'll feel at least somewhat better just because you got some solid sleep.

I'm ****ed up and realize I would like you to continue living, so please do that. It's at least 3 vs 1 so you don't get a choice. Talk to you tomorrow.

Response please

I would miss your posting, so please, stick around for a little while longer, ok? I plan to totally remodel my house in the near future and hope to lean on your expertise quite a bit. Thanks!

If you're seriously (ore even half seriously) suicidal consult with a professional therapist. No offense to anyone ITT, but a psychologist will be able to help you more than any of us.

GL. Run good.

800-273-8255

National Suicide Prevention Lifeline. Please call ASAP.

Find someone you care about and talk to them. What you're thinking of isn't a solution.

I can’t imagine the pain you are working through. I wish I had more to offer through the inter webs but just know there are people here who care about your well being, even with as disconnected as we all are.

I’d echo the sentiments that talking irl with someone would be a good decision.

Hopefully you post a whatever soon my friend.

You already know all the reasons not to. Your son wouldn't have wanted it, etc. This is the struggle of our mortal coil.

But hey, what else you going to do? Might as well see what tomorrow brings, you never know. Unless you're dead, then you'll never know.

Try sleeping for an entire day. Take a long (I mean long) walk in the sun.


tl;dr: whatever

Don't know you but as someone who tried and luckily failed I promise it can get better. When you are in a dark place the idea of nothingness seems like a great alternative. Talk to someone and let them hold on to the gun for a bit

I appreciate everyone's advice and support.

I'm checking into therapy, because I realized I can't do it alone...

Thanks again.

You're very human with very human needs. Moods are very difficult to see out of. We always do better when we support and befriend ourselves, even in the face of flaws, shortcomings, mistakes. It is so important to consciously cultivate this attitude of self-support, even if, ESPECIALLY IF, we aren't doing great. Self-judgment/self-rejection is like a second arrow that laces one with a toxic idea about themselves. We aren't toxic ... just very human. And all the foibles that we have are not defects, but are exactly this: human. You haven't invented any vices or mistakes, all of them have been done billions of times. "I release shame and unworthiness. I am merely human in my shortcomings, not defective."

The test is to support oneself when not great, not doing great, not feeling great. "Yet I am here and a part of me wants to be good, to do good." And that's enough. Give yourself credit where credit is due, and love where credit isn't due. Respect the journey of life. It has to go through some of the dark places. And we earn respect for ourselves and gain respect for the journey of others by doing our share in these tough times. Do something for someone else when you feel awful ... respecting their suffering and struggle. THAT is gold in the soul. We are all in this human predicament with foibles and failings. Life is good though not always easy.

"No man is an island."

I'm very very happy to see you posting here and that you are checking into therapy. Asking for help is not a weakness, but a strength.

I'm proud of you Eeyore, my friend.

Good to hear, Eeyore. Best wishes and rooting for you.

Awesome. Asking for help is way harder then pulling a trigger.. Glad you took that route

we all struggle through life, having to struggle with oneself on and on is the daily reality we the weaker ones are facing. good things can happen when we spend time in silence with ourselves, take trips change scenery, turn off mobile phone, make some experiences with your own self, soul rejuvenation that can help make real change in how we treat ourselves and stop the damage we got used to for so long, small gains can go a long away, every change takes several months to be really felt, but you will feel it.

Good luck with therapy and I hope you feel better soon.

Strangely, last week I decided not to go to work and rest.

I originally thought that staying busy working would be better than having time to think about what happened a year ago.

He died on the 23rd of May and we had his service on June 3.

But I slept most of last week, and it was really beneficial.

Much more than therapy has to this point.

Probably will change therapists, this one I'm seeing is giving me a strong "get over it, already" vibe.

Fortunate that friends have reached out as well, instead of trying to ignore what happened.

Family....not so much, most are going no contact...

Anyways, resting last week was extremely helpful.

this

and the cycle would continue with your passing also impacting others

my grandfather committed suicide shortly after his 90th birthday, he didn't have much time left anyway, his entire family had all just come down to see him, it almost seemed like "perfect timing' if there ever were a thing

but since he was still mentally present, not in any pain nor in any terminal illnesses - it caused a tremendous amount of damage to the rest of the family, even though had he literally that same day by natural causes nobody would have been in the least surprised given his age

when i was younger, i used to feel like suicide was harmless and if people really wanted to do that then why not let them but after experiencing its outcome on others, i've seen that no matter how much people think nobody cares nor that it would impact others, it always leaves behind a terrible wake of depression and sadness which recedes incredibly slowly and sometimes never quite goes away

i think you're an awesome guy, i love your posting, would hate it if you weren't around anymore, wish you the best of luck

I'm cool right now

Hey!

I have decades of indirect & direct experience with this, feel free to dm me anytime, maybe I can be of help.

Cheers

Locker

Glad to hear that, Eeyorefora