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Great posts from around 2+2 Great posts from around 2+2

02-08-2019 , 09:53 PM
I don't think it's particularly close

Although I think someone one-posted the 'enjoying salads by greg raymer' in the Poker Books thread that was hilarious
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02-09-2019 , 01:21 AM
Metaname2 and Ed furlong come to mind as contenders, won't be able to read any Ed furlong posts though.
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02-09-2019 , 08:38 AM
Quote:
Originally Posted by Rococo
Seconded. I humbly submit another Empire Man post in the World Cup thread. In case it isn't obvious, he dropped this beauty after Suarez bit someone.
I am legit cracking the **** up.
Great posts from around 2+2 Quote
02-09-2019 , 01:45 PM
Quote:
Ooooh. I got one.

It’s a chilly January night in Las Vegas, January 2010. A tired, drunk Ei Elezra flips over his cards, raps the table and says “nice hand.” He stands and walks away from the 4-8 table.

From his perch in the high-limit area, Cole South watches the bedraggled figure drag his weary body from the room. “Jackpot” he thinks, twirling his mustache.

“Leaving so soon, buddy?” Eli turns his attention way from the row of nickel slots where he was hoping to find a few forgotten credits. He pauses for a moment; surely this famous and skilled player can’t be talking to him, could he?

“It’s a hot night in there, pal. Lots of fish ready for a couple of sharks like us. In fact, a seat just opened up in the 400-800 game with your name on it...”

“But Mr. South,” said the man, adjusting his broken glasses. “This must be some kind of a joke. I’m just a poor, completely broke player who is well aware of my limitations who would never try to exaggerate either my wealth or skill level, and who can’t afford to lose even one cent more and will never play poker again.”

At that moment, eight of Eli’s children rushed into the casino and grabbed ahold of his legs. Their filthy rags looked even dingier in the bright lights of the casino. “Father,” the littlest one cried, “please come home. We have run out of coal and we are freezing.”

“Nonsense!” cackled the grinning Cole, reaching into his alligator-skin satchel and thrusting $100,000 into the stunned Eli’s hands. “You will take this money and join us in the high-limit room!”

“But I’m warning you, Eli. Unless you pay back this money, interest free, after some unspecified length of time...” The casino lights flickered and dimmed as the two walked back into the poker room. “I will occasionally send you text messages about it and then after nine years let the general public know.”

Cole then disappeared in a puff of smoke. The scent of sulphur lingered in the air.
Quote:
Originally Posted by GREEAR10
Who the hell changed the title of my thread?

And lol @ the cleveland homer. You could take every lineup in baseball and say something negative about every hitter. The most shocking one was granderson should regress...lol why? becauuse hes 26/27 and had his first full season really last year and is entering his prime...yah sounds like a good spot to regress to me.

You a cleveland slappy so ill cut u some slack since that city is the city of losers and hasnt won jack **** in over 40 years...has to be wearing on you terribly...
Quote:
Originally Posted by Geddy Lee
Floyd Mayweather Jr.



You killed boxing. You ****ing killed boxing and you think it's a goddamn joke.

I could hate on you for so many different reasons. Like your pathetic narcissistic obsession with yourself. Or your obsession with an inflated undefeated record. Or your obsessed fanboys who ride your herpes-covered dick any chance they get. Or the fact that your hand-picked opponents over the last 10 years are always clearly inferior and never pose a real threat.

I could hate on you for hitting your ex harder than any punch you threw in that entire Juan Manuel Marquez fight. I could hate on you for still making $10 million for that farce of a fight, where you forced one of the greatest lightweights of this era to move up almost 3 weight divisions and you still ****ing missed weight. I SHOULD hate on you for also having that fight contract changed days before the fight to avoid paying fines for missing weight. I could hate on you for pretending to care about fighter safety in your ideological crusade against PED's when intentionally missing weight shows just as much blatant disregard for fighter safety. You ****ing piece of ****.

I could hate on you for ducking opponents until they're clearly disadvantaged or until they blow up their own careers. I could hate on you for ducking Antonio Margarito in '06 even though you were in line for an $8 mil payday. I could hate on you for instead fighting Carlos ****ing Baldomir. I could hate on you for ducking Shane Mosley, who chased you for years, until he basically needed a wheelchair to get to the ring for your fight. I could hate on you for ducking Miguel Cotto, Paul Williams and just about every other legitimate test at welterweight that would be worth paying money to watch.

I could hate on you for the way you duck fights. Like pretending to care about the integrity of the sport and refusing to fight without ridiculous drug testing demands that are far beyond what the NSAC requires. Or claiming that you're no longer interested in boxing and embarking on a 21-month retirement to dance with stars and wrestle the Big Show - probably the closest thing you had to a real fight in the last 5 years. Or, even ambitious for you, orchestrating your most impressive duck: robbing and assaulting a woman so you spend the next 34 years in prison instead of jeopardizing your undefeated record. I could hate on you for doing this even though you've repeatedly been quoted as saying "if I leave, the sport is dead." Well at least it's good to see you care about the well-being of the sport, you *********** mother****er.

I could hate on you for acting like a big tough guy in an interview with Brian Kenny of all ****ing people. I could hate on you for refusing to acknowledge that every single member of the sports media wants you to fight a certain Filipino midget, no matter how often it was brought up. I could hate on you for finally addressing the situation with a bigoted, racist webcam rant about a man who you refuse to fight because he clearly scares the bejesus out of you and the rest of your cokehead family. I could really hate on you for calling yourself the GOAT - better even than Ali, Leonard and Robinson, in your own words - despite refusing to test yourself against the best available, something that all three of those men did. I could hate on you and your inbred fanboys who point to your ridiculously soft undefeated record as a benchmark of your greatness, even though every time I defend Rocky Marciano who actually did fight the best opponents available (can't fault him for fighting when he did), you reverse the exact same ****ing argument to tell me he's overrated.

Quite simply, I could hate on you just for being a grade A overall ****ing scumbag who should go to hell. But that's not why I hate you.

I hate you because you ruined my beloved OP.

I've never worked so hard on something 2p2 related in my life. It was a labour of love. It was supposed to be the fight to save boxing. It had the chance to become one of the biggest culturally iconic moments in sports history. It had the chance to be the greatest fight of all time. Fighting Manny Pacquiao in a best-vs.-best megafight was supposed to be your legacy. Boxing needed that fight. And I poured my ****ing heart and soul into that OP. I couldn't wait for that fight.

You ruined it.

I swear to God, 2p2 SE as my witness...if I'm ever lucky enough to see you and you unlucky enough to see me, I will gladly get the living **** kicked out of me by your 10 super homoerotic personal bodyguards just for the chance to tackle you into the ground and dislocate both your shoulders and fracture your skull upon impact. The way I see it, you're 5'6" and 147 lbs., while I'm 6'3" and weigh in at a solid 235 lbs. You’re certainly quick and I might not hit you flush, but I'm twice your size, I will get a piece of you, and when I do, it’s going to hurt. I will drive you into the ****ing ground and crush your soul. That is a promise.

Floyd, on behalf of all real boxing fans worldwide, **** YOU


Quote:
EuroRounders

Michel (voiceover): "If you can't find the boorish American hold'em player at the table within half an hour, you are the boorish American hold'em player."

-----

TITLE/CREDITS. This entire movie is in black and white, with subtitles.

-----

Michel (voiceover): "This game is really scummy, and well above what I can afford to play. My entire bankroll is riding on this one session going well. This is Teddy CIA's place, where they only play Pot Limit Omaha, the most sophisticated game in Europe."

- Michel knocks on the window -

Teddy CIA: "You want poker, or whore?"

Michel: "Poker. Give me three stacks of high, elitist society."

-----

Michel: "I raise."

Teddy CIA: "It's a position raise. I call."

- The flop comes 5-7-A, with two diamonds -

Michel: "I bet the pot."

Teddy CIA: "I raise the pot."

Michel: "I reraise the pot."

Teddy CIA: "I reraise the pot."

Michel: "Pot."

Teddy CIA: "Pot."

Michel: "Pot."

Teddy CIA: "Pot."

Michel: "Pot."

Teddy CIA: "Pot."

Michel (voiceover): "I sit back and think. I have three aces - the best possible hand. I want him to think I'm debating a call, but really I'm just thinking about Monte Carlo, and whatever the [censored] is in Monte Carlo."

Michel: *shrugs* "Okay, well, I re-pot it, I'm all in, because I don't think you have a pair." *winks at the camera*

Teddy CIA: "Who are you winking at? It doesn't matter, I call."

Michel (voiceover): "I know before he even says it."

Teddy CIA: "I have 8-6-4-3 with two diamonds, for a wrap straight draw and a flush draw, which is a favorite over your top set."

- Turn is a King. River is a 2 which gives Teddy CIA an ace-to-five straight for the win. -

- Michel sits there, shell-shocked. -

Joey Croissant: "Come on, I'll get you a whore."

-----

Michel (voiceover): "Well, that sucked. Since then, I've sworn off of poker and made my living as a roadside prostitute for boorish American tourists. Hopefully, I can pay my way through law school that way. I can always find games, though. I could turn this truck onto the road and be at the Taj in 19 and a half hours."

-----

Michel (voiceover): "I'm here to pick my friend Worm up from prison."

- Worm walks out of prison -

Michel: "Worm! It's wonderful to see you!"

- They kiss each other passionately on the mouth -

Michel: "How was prison?"

Worm: "I was brutally sodomized on a regular basis."

-----

Michel: "Look...Croissant, I never told you this, but about a year ago, I was playing poker at the Casino des Atlantes, and Marcel Luske walks in. He sits down at the 50/100 pot limit game. And, I mean, the whole place stops, right? Just watching this guy play. After a while there isn't a ******ed European gambling game going, because everybody's just, you know, watching this guy."

- Joey Croissant nods -

Michel: "So you know what I did? I sat down."

Joey Croissant: "No way, you need at least 300,000 euros to sit down at a game like that. Such bad financial management is typical of a boorish American!"

- Joey Croissant and Michel laugh for twenty-six minutes -

Michel: "Right, okay, but seriously, I played for an hour, doing nothing but folding. Then I won a huge pot."

Joey Croissant: "Aces? Kings? Ace-King doublesuited? Suited aces? High connectors? Middle doublesuited connectors? Two big pair?"

Michel: "Rags."

Joey Croissant: "That's probably fine too, you're only like a 48/52 dog."

Michel: "I raised. And he came over the top of me, like I was a boorish American. I re-popped it. He potted it again. I think for like two seconds and then I re-pot it."

Joey Croissant: "Jesus [censored] Christ, how much money did you have?"

Michel: "After I bet I would quietly slide my chips back toward my stack, nobody noticed. Anyway, he thinks for a while, looks at me, checks his cards again, and he mucks. I take it down. And then he looks at me and says, 'I have to know. Did you have it?' And I said, 'I'm sorry Marcel, I can't remember.'"

Joey Croissant: "Face!"

Michel: "I know, totally. Anyway, based on that one hand, I felt confident gambling for all the money I had, at one time."

-----

Law Professor: "I am a Jew."

Michel: "I hate you."

-----

Teddy CIA: "We play, heads up, Pot Limit Omaha, 25 and 50 blinds, until one of us has it all?"

Michel: "Out of sheer curiosity, you realize you're giving up like boat loads of equity by agreeing to gamble for money that's effectively yours anyway, right? That you could just not let me play, and then kill me and take what I have?"

Teddy CIA: "I know, but I am a boorish American!"

- Michel and Teddy CIA laugh for seventy-two minutes -

-----

Michel (voiceover): "I pick up Ace-Ace-Jack-Ten doublesuited."

Michel: "I raise the pot."

Teddy CIA: "Very aggressive. But, I reraise the pot."

Michael (voiceover): "He's representing Ace-Ace-King-King doublesuited, the only hand better than mine. I can't call, and give him a chance to catch. I can only fold...if I believe him."

Michel: "I reraise, I'm all in."

Teddy CIA: "Take it down."

-----

- The flop reads 10-9-5, with two spades -

Michel: "Pot."

Teddy CIA: "Pot."

Michel: "Pot."

Teddy CIA: "Pot."

Michel: "Pot."

Teddy CIA: "Pot."

Michel: "Pot. I'm all in."

Teddy CIA: "Alright, I call. What do you have?"

Michel: "Jack high flush draw and middle set."

Teddy CIA: "Wrap, with a king high flush draw."

Michel: "Boy, I sure hope my 5:4 edge holds up, otherwise I am going to die."

- Turn is an off-suit 5, giving Michel an unbeatable hand. But the river is the ace of spades anyway, because it's always the [censored] ace of spades. -

Teddy CIA: "He beat me. Pay that man his money. His silly, silly-looking European money."

-----

Cab Driver: "Where are you off to?"

Michel: "Monte Carlo."

Cab Driver: "Good luck."

Michel: "Shut the [censored] up."
.
Great posts from around 2+2 Quote
02-09-2019 , 04:21 PM
European Rounders is A+
Great posts from around 2+2 Quote
02-09-2019 , 09:21 PM
Euro Rounders is still amazing on the 147th reading.

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02-09-2019 , 11:56 PM
enjoying this thread and euro rounders is still hilarious
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02-12-2019 , 12:54 PM
Quote:
Originally Posted by Empire Man
DOM and LINDSEY
sittin on a ski
S-K-I-I-I-N-G
first comes love,
then comes marriage,
then comes your pony saying then comes marriage
.
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02-12-2019 , 01:26 PM
wow that youtalkfunny H&F thread is amazing
looks like he abandoned it but still mostly kept off the weight?
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02-12-2019 , 01:36 PM
negative
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02-12-2019 , 01:44 PM
He is still fat, although slightly less so from what I've been able to glean.

The N1 thread is the new hotness, though.
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02-12-2019 , 03:22 PM
ah yeah the update that he was around 250 was from 2 years ago
if he's still in that range much better than 380 at least

I just spent way too much time reading that thread, not sure if I have the energy to read the other two that (based on post count) look to be trainwrecks
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02-13-2019 , 04:48 PM
If you have the time, the N1 thread is well worth a read. It has everything: bulking, cutting, eating disorders, mental ******ation, butt plugs.
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02-13-2019 , 06:59 PM
If YTF is 250 still instead of 380 that's a pretty significant positive change for his health and life expectancy. How tall is he? I feel like I should read that whole thread. I tried once but it's sooo long.
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02-13-2019 , 07:02 PM
Iirc he is around 4'-8". We met in Boston once with daryn.
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02-13-2019 , 07:10 PM
Nope.
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02-13-2019 , 08:07 PM
YTF is a little person? Big if true.
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02-14-2019 , 01:26 AM
Euro rounders is funny.

GREEAR should never ever be referenced ITT.
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02-14-2019 , 10:39 AM
What if I think one of the great posts from around 2+2 is from this thread? Should I repost it here, or is that a little too much?
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02-15-2019 , 11:06 AM
https://forumserver.twoplustwo.com/s...postcount=1593

https://forumserver.twoplustwo.com/s...postcount=7635
Quote:
Originally Posted by grando1.0
Quote:
Originally Posted by CalledDownLight
Official Power Rankings of Meat for an Entree*
1. Kobe Beef
2. Mahi Mahi
3. Tuna
4. Rib Eye
5. Lamb Shank
6. Sea Bass
T7. Crab
T7. Sirloin
9. Lobster
10. Veal
T11. Duck
T11. Crawfish
13. T-Bone
14. Salmon
15. Shrimp
16. Striped Bass
17. Prime Rib
T18. Scallops
T18. Calamari
20. Rack of Lamb
21. Baby Back Ribs
22. Barbecue Pork**
23. Lamb Chop
24. Pork Loin
25. Beef Short Ribs
26. Swordfish
T27. Beef Spare Ribs
T27. Buffalo
28. Chorizo
29. Snapper
30. Pork Belly
31. Pork Short Ribs
32. Chicken
33. Sausage
34. Pork Spare Ribs
35. Octupus
36. Flounder
37. Dorade
38. Trout
38. Oysters***
40. Hamburger
41. Alligator
42. Ham
43. Tilapia
44. Hot Dog
45. Grouper
46. Clams
47. Mussels
48. Turkey
49. Catfish
50. Caviar


*Assumed to be a good, but not perfect cut prepared in the preferred manner by a good, but not Michelin quality chef.

**The proper ranking for types of barbecue is as follows: Texas>>Memphis>Kansas City>>>Carolina. All barbecue should be served wet and with hot sauce.

***Raw Oysters are terrible and should never be consumed.
Quote:
Originally Posted by Chilltown
With the 2nd overall pick, I select Lebron James.



Write up:

I don't care about winning. If I wanted to win I'd rather bring in the number 3 pick who guarantees championships. I seek statistical dominance. His PER is 2nd only to the official greatest of all time and that's the only reason I'm taking him. He won an MVP but who really cares. He steals rebounds from teammates, arenas award him with freebie assists due to pressure from Stern, no hand checking allows him to drive at will, holds the lowest foul rate of the major stars I believe (not because he's a good defender, but because the refs don't have the balls to call them on the piss coloured child), etc. I'm winning every one of Bobbos' calculations. Gonna surround this loser with inflated stats players while completely disregarding team structure. He's not even the best player in the NBA right now. Kobe Bryant is. He won the title against the team that beat Lebitch's while playing with Pau Gasol and a bunch of zombies. Lebron lacks that killer instinct, we know this for a fact, can't even face down questions from the media after getting slaughtered.

He can't even lead a 67 win team past the Orlando freakin Magic. The league orchestrated his title but he found a way to epically fail. Some 15 year old dunked on this ***** so he cried to Nike to get the tapes back. Growing up, he admitted his favorite teams were the Yankees, the Bulls, and the Cowboys. Pretty sure his mouth surgery after losing to a scrub team resulted from excessive HGH use. "In June 2008, James donated $20,000 to a committee to elect Barack Obama." Just 20k are you ****ing kidding me? You openly stated you wanted to be the first billionaire athlete but you're giving chump change to someone far more important than you can ever hope to be? Embarrassing. Disgraceful. ****butter.

Great posts from around 2+2 Quote
02-15-2019 , 11:13 AM
2. Mahi Mahi gets me every time
Great posts from around 2+2 Quote
02-15-2019 , 01:13 PM
Were the meat power rankings a level?
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02-15-2019 , 03:08 PM
Euro Rounders is so brilliant.

"I was brutally sodomized on a regular basis" and "Pay that man his money. His silly silly-looking European Money" crack me up every damn time.
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02-15-2019 , 05:30 PM
whatever happened to chilltown, does anyone know? Last I seen him on here he seemed to have lost his mind.
Great posts from around 2+2 Quote

      
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