Originally Posted by youtalkfunny
(Cliffs at the bottom)
So in November I had a date, and I decided I needed some nice clothes. I hit the Goodwill, and put together a pretty nice outfit: slacks, dress shirt, sweater, and some really nice shoes (already broken in!). I looked good! But when I went to leave the house to meet my date, I reached for my Red Sox jacket and thought, "No, you can't wear that." But I didn't have a nice jacket. Lucky for me, I've got three roommates, and one is a rich kid (Home Owner Roommate). I borrowed a nice Perry Ellis winter coat from his closet in the mudroom. He was already out for the evening, I knew he wouldn't be needing it, so I borrowed it for the night, and put it back before it was missed. I started paying attention and saw that he never wore that coat, so borrowing it became my standard move.
Remember the "pizza buffet first date" a couple of weeks ago? I borrowed it for that, too. After that date, I went home, and as I walked into the house, Home Owner Roommate (HOR) pulled into the driveway.
Ugh. Busted.
YTF: Aw, man! I was hoping to have this back in the closet before you got home?
HOR: What do you mean?
YTF: I borrowed your jacket, while you were at work. Hope you don't mind.
HOR: I don't give a ****. Are you sure that's mine?
YTF: I dunno, it was in the mudroom closet.
HOR: I never wear that. It fits you? You can have it!
YTF: No way! Wow, that's incredibly nice of you, HOR, thank you so much!
HOR: I'm pretty sure that's mine. Make sure it doesn't belong to Annoying Drunk Roommate or Downstairs Roommate. If it's not theirs, yeah, you can have it.
I was walking on clouds. This is a NICE coat! What a nice thing he did for me!
That night, I checked with ADR, to confirm it wasn't his coat. He'd never seen it before, and assured me that he doesn't keep any of his stuff in the mudroom closet. I couldn't stop gushing about what a nice gesture it was to be given this coat, and how much I loved it.
I hadn't seen Downstairs Roommate until tonight. He usually heads straight down to his room in the basement, but tonight he was hanging out on the main level with ADR. Seizing my chance, I confirmed that it wasn't his coat, either. Finally, this baby was mine.
Or so I thought.
"Actually, YTF, I'm pretty sure I bought that..."
It was ADR, suddenly putting in a claim for it.
"What???"
"Yeah, I'm pretty sure I bought that."
WTF? This guy is just ****ing with me now. He thinks the reason he's getting run out of here is because of me complaining about his cookies, and he sees a free shot to screw me out of something I clearly love?
"But I asked you a couple weeks ago, you said you'd never seen this coat in your life. Then you said you don't hang your stuff in the mudroom."
"Yeah, I'm pretty sure that's mine. I've got the receipt, I'll go check."
He's got the WHAT??? I've been borrowing this coat since November, it's never left the hanger I found it on, and I'm pretty sure it's been there since the day I moved in close to a year ago--who keeps the receipt on clothes they bought last year?
Whatever, dude. What am I going to do, engage in this petty nonsense over an item I've paid $0 for? "Well, if you say it's yours, then it must be yours," and I hand it over. But I'm FUMING. I retreat to the living room for some websurfing.
A few minutes later, ADR wobbles over to show me a receipt. "See? It says 'coat'!", but I'm so angry, I can't possibly see straight, let alone read the tiny print on a receipt. I notice that the receipt is from Kohl's. ADR then goes over and shows the receipt to Downstairs Roommate (DSR). Funny, I missed this exchange at the time as I wasn't paying attention, but I think this may have taken place:
DSR: How much you pay for the coat?
ADR: $110.
DSR: (holds up receipt) It says $55 here.
ADR: (quickly) It was marked down.
I had just got home from the gym and needed a shower, so I went upstairs, determined to let it go.....but as I stood before the mirror shaving, I got madder and madder that this guy was screwing me so blatantly, and for such petty reasons. I can't stand to be made a fool of (by others! I don't mind making a fool of myself, as we all know by now). I formulated my plan, and rehearsed what I was going to say....
After showering, I dressed to go out, and went back downstairs. At this point DSR's new gf had come over, and the three of them are hanging out at the kitchen table. I greeted the gf on the way by, sat in the living room, and opened my laptop to execute Step One of the plan I had just formulated...
While I was finishing Step One, ADR left the kitchen and took his usual spot in the living room. I asked him in a voice that did not hide my annoyance, "Hey, do you still have that receipt handy? I was so angry when you tried to show it to me the first time, I couldn't even see straight, let alone read it." He politely laughed, as if he was hoping I was joking about being angry, and fished the receipt out of his pocket.
It was a Kohl's receipt, all right, and when I read it, it confirmed what I had already learned in Step One. The receipt was for a dress shirt, handkerchief, "neckware" (necktie, ldo), suit pants, and suit coat. Clearly, he bought a suit at Kohl's that day, not a winter coat.
YTF: This says "suit coat". You know that's not a suit coat, right?
ADR: (big, fake smile, but he can barely speak the BS he's about to try) Yes, it is...
YTF: (losing temper, starting to get louder) Keep smiling! You're lucky I don't lay you out right here and now.
ADR: Slow down....
YTF: I'm counting down the days until you're out of my life, the way a kid counts down the days till Christmas! Where's my coat?
ADR: (digs in, tries smiling again) *Your* coat?
YTF: (can't take any more, now speaking very loudly, my volume is completely out of my control, I'm so angry) Yeah, yuck it up, Laughing Boy! KOHL'S DOESN'T SELL PERRY ELLIS COATS! I just Googled it. They sell Perry Ellis fragrances, that's it! They don't sell Perry Ellis clothes of any kind!
I wasn't 100% sure that this was true when I said it, but I hadn't lied about being unable to find any Perry Ellis clothes and Kohl's in the same Google'd link. ADR instantly slumped. He was caught red-handed, and he knew it. He went up to his room, presumably to fetch the coat. While he did that, I started gathering up all of my stuff that I keep on the main level: coats, shoes, my laptop, etc. At this point, HOR was roused from his room by my yelling, and came downstairs. We met at the bottom of the stairs and he asked, "What happened?"
I was too upset to give a coherent version, but I tried to briefly explain the situation thusfar. And I added, "Now I need to gather up all my stuff, and lock it in my room, because if he'll **** with this coat of mine, now I need to worry about what ELSE he'll **** with! I need to keep my car locked now, my bedroom locked now, and I hadn't locked either of those things since I moved in here! Everything I own is going to be locked in my room..."
At this point, ADR returns with my coat.
"...everything I own is going to be locked in my room," I continued seamlessly, "except for my food, (turning away from HOR and towards ADR), and YOU had better hope I don't get sick from something I ate, or else your dental insurance better be paid up, because I'll kick your face in until you don't have a tooth left in your ****ing head!"
I went up the stairs with my armful of stuff, haplessly tripping over the coats I was trying to carry. ADR retreated to the living room. HOR followed me, tried to calm me down and find out what happened. I was so angry, my hands were shaking so badly that I couldn't get the key in to unlock my bedroom door. I ran down the story as best I could, from the beginning. I was met with a bewildered stare. I shared his bewilderment, and finished with, "I don't know what to do! I don't what to tell YOU what you should do! I've never had to deal with anyone like this! I *never* get this angry! If someone makes me this angry, I distance myself from them, I cut them out of my life. This guy? I'm stuck with!"
I went in my room and locked the door, and spent a long time trying to calm myself. When I did, I went to work finding places to store all the stuff I had dragged up. I even gathered up my stuff off the bathroom sink, to be stored in my locked room until I'm done with this jerk. While I was doing that, I heard HOR retreat to his room, and uncharastically slam the door loudly when he did. This guy is hands down, the most laid back guy I've ever met, but he's been pushed to his breaking point, and believe me, that takes an insane amount of pushing to accomplish.
When I was finally calm, and my stuff had all been put away, I opened my door to leave. I was going to go out and have a beer or two. But I saw ADR about to climb the stairs. I shut my door, and figured I'd let him pass to his room before leaving, rather than risk escalating things...
...but he didn't go to his room. He went to HOR's room and knocked on the door. HOR was even louder than I was. "What! What do you want!" ADR mumbled something drunkenly, and HOR said the loudest sentence of the night. "NO! WE ARE *NOT* OK!" He lowered his voice after that, but whatever he said from that point on was brief, and ended with another door slam. ADR went to his room and closed the door. I locked my door behind me and proceeded downstairs, already wearing my shoes and coat. DSR and his gf were still there.
ME: (humbly) I apologize to both of you for making you a part of this nonsense.
GF: Oh no, not at all...
ME: Yeah, I should have handled that better, and I'm sorry that it happened in front of you.
(Actually, it HAD to happen in front of DSR to work; gf was collateral damage, tho.)
I went out to explore downtown Chaska, but -14 is too cold for bar hopping, especially when the bars I went to were dead. Came home after less than an hour, the house was dark and quiet, which never happens--ADR holed up in his room for the first time since I moved into this place 11 months ago.
Curious to see what happens next...
CLIFFS: ADR tries to scam me, it blows up in his face. HOR and I now have no idea how to proceed...
