did you follow your own advice? and how long was the relationship if you dont mind me asking

?

DrewDevil's advice is best, Alobar's is good too.

I also think you should apologise for snooping through all her stuff. You violated her privacy, and whether you fears were well founded or not it isn't justified. Even if you had found nothing but she discovered your snooping, I think she would be justified in dumping you. So don't be all high and mighty like you are better than her and fit to dispense punishment to her. You aren't.

In my case yes, and probably in most other posters'. I did not do A the first time, and that's how I know it's the best course of action.

Well, some of us walk away, some of us don't. Where I come from, someone hits you, you hit back. Childish? Maybe, but at least the next person knows not to fu&% with you without getting a fight. I suggest OP doesn't be so forgiving. This is not like she got drunk and picked up some random, this guy knew she had a bf, he doesn't get a pass. This is malicious and vile, she doesn't deserve an easy sending off. If OP lets this go easy, she's more likely to do it again, as is he. Give them hell, at least OP maybe find some satisfaction.

A lot of responses of "don't tell the wife" itt, but I don't think I read a solid reason as to why not.

I have the most sympathy for her because she's married with the guy and has a kid with him.

Immediately contact the authorities. Insist she was raped.

Relationship was 2+ years, right out of college. Story's quite a bit different, but I know of what I speak. I did follow my now advice the best I knew how then.

The OP's girlfriend has behaved terribly and hurt him a lot. The other guy has behaved terribly too. Fine. The OP has every reason to want out of this relationship.

You want out of a relationship, this is how you do it: "I can't be in this relationship anymore."

Yes, but I wanted confrontation at the time...but the guy was not returning my calls for some reason.

You should probably be a psychiatrist or something.

It has been pleasant having bison posting again.

i was cheated on too, in a relationship for 5.5 years. Found out through her friend, and i did take the non confrontational route. Just stopped talking, never told her how she made me feel or how angry it made me. It's been a couple years and I really wish I would had said something to give myself closure.

I don't like to hit people or get hit, so when someone hits me, I don't spend time around that person any more.

If OP moves on with his life and doesn't feed his anger and jealousy, OP gets to move on to a new life with less anger and jealousy.

If she was with you for five years, she is certainly really sorry for hurting you.

IN THE GAME OF LIFE WOMEN ARE THE RAKE

that's really all i have to add

In my last relationship my gf of 2 years went from talking about getting married to leaving me for someone else < 30 days later. I insta cut her off and we happened to get in contact again a couple months down the road to "talk." I debated very, very hard whether or not to just cut her off or to tell her how I felt and how much she hurt me (essentially slowrolled me w/ marriage talk right into a brick wall while setting up with another dude at the time). I hedged somewhere in the middle and was very constructive/positive/nice-in-my-tone but still honest.

I regret it. Would have been much better to just keep my thoughts to myself. There was no point to it. They'll never understand anything you have to say. It won't do any good. All it does is make you look like an ass.

It feels great at the time, but you just feel ******ed later.

I swear you gave almost this exact advice to almost this exact situation in another thread about a year ago.

No offense Karak but part of that regret is because you're a weird dude (which you've admitted here many times).

To the idiot who said "BUT THEY ARENT MARRIED SOZ THEY CAN DO WUT THEY WANT," um, if you want to live like that dont enter into a committed relationship. You keep things casual, or have an open relationship, or even (gasp!) break up with the person before you sleep with someone else. It's called having respect for other people.

Obviously the "other guy" is the one to blame for any consequences to his marriage. Tell the wife; easy decision there. The results are his fault and theirs to deal with.

Everyone in this thread advocating little to no response must live fearful, repressed lives where others constantly walk all over them.

I also think that most here are missing the "cheated on me for a month" part. This wasnt an isolated incident, or a single drunken bad choice. This was a calculated, purposed, ongoing thing.

**** her, and **** that other guy. They deserve the worst you can dish out.

As an aside, I'd love to hear what Henry would do in this situation if he was inclined to seek revenge (which I strongly suspect he would be despite claims to the contrary). For that matter, I'd love to hear what Dids would do in this situation. No matter what our opinion of them here is, and how obviously different their personalities are, I think they would both react the same way, though Henry would have the means to make his revenge much more severe.

I might have just missed it, but I think what we really need to know before we decide anything is whose name is on the list. If it's both of you, **** gets really complicated.

That's right! That bitch will never cheat on you again! And after you tell his wife, it's highly improbable that the other dude will think to **** your next lady friend too!

how is this complicated at all? If both are on just tell her she's responsible for the lease now, if she bitches, threaten to tell her boyfriend's wife.

I'm obv not a lawyer, but can he force a new roommate on her without her knowledge or consent? If he can then I guess there's no problem, in addition to being incredibly funny

well you could try the blackmail her w/ telling his wife thing but she might not give a **** about that.

call the guy she's ****ing, tell him you'll tell his wife unless he buys you out of the rest of your lease ez game

oh yeah that should work like a charm.