lol shocking take

HT would just have to spank her when she turns 22.

Spanking a 5 year kid 10 times a weeks was always a last resort?

tx do you wear overalls with no shirt a lot?

I have a hard time imagining that I would have spanked either daughter more than a couple of times and only under unusual circumstances. I’ve spent an hour looking at the issue and it seems clear that repeated and commonplace spanking as a systemic matter is likely to be unhealthy. I’ve seen nothing to support the idea that isolated spanking in unusual circumstances is systemically unhealthy, nor have I seen anything to suggest that it can’t or won’t have a positive impact (hi, kioshk!) in individual circumstances.

In my own individual case, it absolutely caused both children to understand there were certainly behavioral lines not to be crossed, and so I think a categorical bar against it is a poor idea. I’ve also been lucky enough to have children that are generally well-behaved but with a touch of the devil in each — in no way perfect but understanding of right and wrong, and sufficiently rational and intelligent to understand consequences.

That’s a pretty hot take. I think the issue is largely kid-dependent. DI seems to have a nuanced view on the subject, which is to say that he didn’t feel the need to spark the other two children at all. That suggests to me he’s a better parent than you might think.

I also think spanking studies are likely to be agenda-driven and likely inaccurate. You can’t exactly create a control group.

I would focus on positive reinforcement whenever possible and basically dedicated my twenties and early thirties to raising her.

I didn't date for nine years (from her being three through twelve) and was home every night/weekend. txdome isn't going to phase me. I know I'm that .001% situation/parent and do think that overall a spanking culture is a negative. I'm not a proponent, just speaking anecdotally.

Almost exclusively, unless I'm wearing my Carhartt jacket.

I think you are an accomplished attorney and crafty with words and messages. Why can't you deliver that message as a parent without hitting your kids?

Because they don't have adult/teenage brains from birth?

Why can't police just solely reason with everyone?

Because they refused to listen. The first time my daughter bit me, I put her in time out and explained that her behavior was wrong. She bit me again perhaps a month later, this time at a restaurant, so I put her in time out and withheld dessert that she wanted. And I explained that the behavior was entirely unacceptable and that I would spank her if she did it again. Three months later, she did it a third time. One hard swat over my knee and I put her in time out until she stopped crying, which was about ten minutes. I explained why I spanked her and asked her if she understood that the behavior was never to be repeated. She said that she did. I told her that i loved her very much and gave her a hug and she went about her business and that was the end of he matter. If you find all that horrifying, then we’ll just have to agree to disagree.

In direct answer to your question, words simply did not work. It was not an issue where I was inarticulate or that she did not understand my instruction. She perfectly well did: she just didn’t want to listen to it.

I've seen kids with parents that refuse to smack them around a little and they're the worst.

Correct, my daughter has the best manners of her peers and is very empathetic to others.

Never been in a fight at school or similar.

Sorry for the self-indulgence, but she's the greatest accomplishment of my life ainec.

I can safely say that in txdome's hypothetical she's a worse person, with a worse future in front of her. (She's very interested in architecture/engineering.)

religion works for some people too.

You should be ashamed of this post.

A parent's role is to be a model for how to exist in the world. You have taught your daughters that love and violence go together. She know doubt forgot your reprimand from 3 months (!) earlier before your struck her. I hope she forgets this lesson as well before finding someone to spend her life with.

Maybe you know doubt but HT definitely doesn't.

This drama over a few well thought out spanks is just too much, kids can handle quite a bit and it wasn't like they were heavily abused or anything. I'm pretty sure there is a time and place for these things, it all depends.

LOL at you. There is zero chance that she forgot about the prior reprimands. And she understood that although I felt it necessary to spank her, that I still loved her. That is IMO the correct message.

I taught her that biting isn’t acceptable. And she hasn’t forgotten that lesson to this day.

You also come off as patronizing, FYI.

I can't help but hope that cassette gets bitten, really hard, by a ****ing 10 year old brat who's never been spanked sometime in the near future.

Fixed that for you.

LOL

I just think it’s a weird position that in our society it is illegal in nearly all scenarios to strike another human being, unless it is a child, which are the most vulnerable and most unable to understand why they are being hit.

I don’t think there’s any study you could conjure that could convince me that this isn’t an absurdly weird and spartan take to have on society.

It’s also a completely idiotic logical fallacy to conclude that if a child is misbehaving, it must be because they were not being struck enough/at all.

No one thinks that children misbehave because they aren't being struck. People do believe that spanking a child (providing a punishment that even a child can immediately understand) can be effective in preventing further misbehaving.

I assume all you pro-hitters are olds? This is not a controversial topic among parents these days.

Admitting to spanking your kids is like admitting to smoking with them in the car. No, it's not like holding their hand on the stove, but it's a harm that you inflict out of selfishness. It gets the job done, the kid out of your hair, but there are other solutions that take more work.

I mean come on, Howard. You know that repeated spankings over time is a harm. You have no evidence either way about spanking occasionally. So based on the fact that your kids turned out OK, you conclude it's fine? You know this isn't good evidence.

?

****load of "spare the rod, spoil the child" takes in here.

Also, it's not even a hot take to say that children don't completely understand why they're being struck. Especially a ****ing 3 year old.