Because it has a stigma. You are treated differently. I lost a part of my "friends" when I got depressed. I can't say that I tried to hide it but whilst I was depressed I isolated myself a lot and correspondingly didn't talk to many people. And people are often just blind to what goes on in others.

Or they don't know how to act. I think a lot of people feel it is their duty or responsibility to try to "cheer up" a depressed friend or relative. That feeling of always having to be chipper and entertaining gets old and exhausting so people start to pull away.

Yeah, I'm sure I would have more friends if I weren't depressed. I also would have more friends if I were better looking or richer. But it doesn't seem any easier for me to pretend to not be depressed than it does for me to pretend to be good looking and rich.

Isolating yourself isn't hiding your depression, it is confirming it, at least to anyone who is paying attention.

I would psyche myself up to be bright and a cheery if I absolutely had to socialise and would be exhausted by the end of the day. Avoiding people was my preferred option lol.

Fake it until you make it is good, but infuriating (for me at my lowest) advice. I wanted to argue with my therapist and convince him why it made sense for me to be down. He was great, and managed to convince me not to think about the many annoying/sad/awful things that I have no ability to control (most importantly for me, my parents). I was encouraged to focus on solvable problems, which helped. For example, I would get sad because my kids are at higher risk for depression some day because of me. Useless to obsess about it - so go play catch or read a book or whatever. Getting out and doing really anything, even if it seems useless, really helped me.

As for the stigma, I just one day decided to say **** it. If someone thinks less of me because I've struggled with depression, they are highly unlikely to be the kind of person I want to be around. It's corny but I just try to be happy for them that they don't know what it's like.

This.

For me, depression is not sadness, it is hopelessness. Nobody wants to be around a hopeless person, so I put on a bright, bubbly, flirtatious personality when I was capable of doing so, and told people I had the flu when I wasn't.

It is not useless to think about this if you figure it out before you have kids. That is a great reason not to have them, one of several reasons I decided not to do so.

Before turning to antidepressants try strenuous exercise and a diet change. Throw in some meditation.

For a lot of people depression means you can't exercise. You gotta just force yourself to do it. Start by taking a walk. Walk for 30 minutes. Then bump it up to 45. Then an hour. Then do 2 one hour walks per day, one in the morning, one at night. You'll start sleeping better.

After a while start jogging and join a gym. Get a bicycle. Antidepressants are garbage. The harder you exercise the better you will feel. Theres no reason to be depressed in this world. (Actually the truth is theres plenty of reason but theres no point in spending what little time we have on Earth feeling that way) You're doing it to yourself. You have to understand that you have full control over your life. You are not as powerless as you may feel. You are a powerful being you just need to harness your physical and mental energy. In order to do this you need to set goals and work your way up.

Exercise exercise exercise. Just try it.

Yeah that's really ignorant.

Ugh.

Depression is an illness, you can't argue/reason your way out of it ("there's no point feeling that way"). It's frustrating that so many people say things like "just do X".

Somewhat unrelated, but I know of a guy that has chronic headaches and he simply decided to stop even mentioning them, because so many people would say "oh you just need to stay hydrated" or some other general thing, as if they had the answer and the person suffering hadn't thought (for years) about possible ways to overcome it.

Regarding hiding it from others, it may have to do with not wanting to explain things/fearing an ignorant response, it may be simply shame. I know I don't want to talk about certain things that aren't going well in my life if I have to trace it to being a result of having been depressed. Just the thought of having it brought up in conversation gives me anxiety.

How should I explain it to you so that you understand.....
Substitute in this post "depression" with something you have no control of, like "gambling addiction".

I mean, two posts up we have some idiot saying "there is no reason to be depressed, so exercise and feel good." When you know you're going to get a high percentage of similar garbage responses, it is a pretty solid reason to not talk about it.

I once made the mistake of telling my manager I was depressed. He thought he was being compassionate by saying his grandmother slept a lot when he was growing up. People are dumb.

He's not wrong to suggest that getting more exercise, especially outdoors in the sun, will likely help most depressed people somewhat. But of course it's not a cure, and depression makes it very difficult to make yourself get out and get more sunlight and exercise. The effect leaves you spiraling downward: because you are depressed, you don't get outside and get exercise as often, which leads to being more depressed.

Exercise is without doubt good but it is not going to solve the problem usually. And how babs presented it is without doubt wrong. There is just no simplistic solution with one size fits all. It is complex problem and reaction to all behavior changes / therapies /advice /meds will be highly individual.

But it is worth to try it. If something doesn't work for you, try something different. I went through bunch of different ADs end ended with a combo where I had to take two different in a day. I tried every idea that was suggested. I was soooo desperate.

My experience as well. Every now and again (a couple of times a year), and for no apparent reason, I feel overwhelmed with this feeling of despair. After a week or so, it's gone.

Along with my despair is this feeling of guilt. I look at my life, which on the face of it is a good one, and think that I'm pathetic and selfish for feeling depressed while so many others have it so much harder. Of course, this adds to my depression.

I deal with these episodes now with reluctant acceptance.

Take care everyone.

Im not trying to say that strenuous exercise will solve it for everyone. Indeed it can be a complex issue with several underlying psychological and physical factors, some even chemical or neurological.

However a big problem is people turning blindly to meds without even trying. Dont get me wrong. Im fully aware its difficult to just start exercising when depressed. Depressed is basically feeling lazy and sad and hopeless all in one.

However for many people if they are able to overcome that first hurdle and start exercising, they are almost positively going to see positive results. Many people discount the idea without even giving it a try.

Exactly. Its a vicious cycle that feeds on itself. The way to break free from the cycle is to exercise.

I was suffering from depression with very bad anxiety and panic attacks from last December up until last month. I was on Ativan every day for the past 6 months and almost afraid to go to bed due to waking up in a panic until I saw a youtube video of a woman being cured by her chiropractor. It was due to the Atlas (C1, the first vertebrae on the top of the neck) being subluxated and putting pressure on the brain stem causing the symptoms.

I made an appointment with a chiropractor my parents recommended and my C1/Atlas was out so much that when he adjusted it, the crack was so loud that he said "wow are you ok"

It was like night and day. It took a few weeks of going 3x/wk but it was definitely the cause and I had a steady recovery. Today I'm fine. It's worth checking it out.

Do we know that its a single illness rather e.g. a name given to similar (as yet) indistinguishable illnesses?

Someone earlier said "There's no one-size-fits-all solution" which suggests the second might be right whereas there are a lot of other people who think their own experiences with depression are normative for others, which suggests the first.

For me depression is more a symptom of a real issue that trigger that chemical imbalance, you can be born with it it can come from other health issues, it can be a physical incident or that can come from a huge emotional swing, that s why there s no one-size-fits-all solution. You can have varying degrees as well and you can adapt to it. For some people supplementing vitamin D and doing sport will be enough, when some other people will need heavy treatment involving électrochocs or ketamin injection for a few weeks.

I know i m still a bit too emotional now but nowhere where i was 5 years ago when any small incident could trigger despair.

Babs,

Please stop posting in this thread.

I'm glad you found something that works for you. I'm sorry that antidepressants didn't work. But it's completely foolish, and a little narcissistic, to assume that whatever worked for you is exactly what will work for everyone else.

You have not found the cure for depression. You found the cure for YOUR depression.

There is no way that so many people would be taking meds for depression for so long if they didn't work at all for everyone.

Gobbo,

I have struggled with depression since i was 13, which was also when i endured big T from an episode involving my father. It has been a struggle, to varying degrees, every day of my life since then.

When I am not depressed it feels like it is not an issue, but i have learned it is important to continue with the actions that help me be not depressed. When i am depressed i usually put chemicals into my body to try and feel different. That usually fuels my self destructive behaviors and makes my depression worse. If i do that for too long i start to think of killing myself. I have at two points in my life thought like that for over 30 days in a row, and when i am not in that state i have thoughts like that maybe once a month.

This **** can be a real *****, but in some sick way I also feel blessed to have this be my struggle because it allows me to compete in improving myself, and i freaking hate losing.

Is there any merit/logic/study that talking about depression, at least in some framing, can make it worse?

For instance reading this thread made me slightly sadder (don't have depression afaik).

Maybe it's somewhat comforting during times you are depressed but times you are feeling ok you'd rather ignore it?

Maybe people don't want to talk about it because it is sad?

What's big T? Trauma?

I def relate to the last part though. I never went to a therapist or put any real work into improving myself until I started having severe panic attacks multiple times per day 3 years ago. Then after I went to a therapist I realized maybe I don't need to feel like killing myself every other week. That then lead into improving other areas of my life, like the realization that my mother is a manipulative sexually exploitative c*** and I'd been suppressing/ignoring all sexual desires since I was very young as a way to protect myself from her. That lead to more self improvement, and helped my depression even further.

As corny as it sounds, those panic attacks 3 years ago were the worst and best thing that ever happened to me.