I don't understand this part, could you explain?

I think Zoltan's post was spot on and often when you are through the worst of your depression you can forget/force from your mind how bad the depression actually was. I swear my dogs were the one thing that got me out of bed everyday when I was really bad.

i found online poker helpful during the untreatable years. to win i needed to become a stronger player, which required growing skills in analysis and emotional control. losing, swings, bad events that typically affect poker careers negatively... none of that made it easy, but i did not find them so much worse than life growing up, and the cumulative effect was like a shelter for the mind that gave me savings and kept my thoughts busy.

I'd say there's a reasonable distinction between learning poker and playing poker in terms of mental health. Learning a new hobby/developing a new skillset/challenging yourself/stimulating your brain etc. can be great for you, but the more full time/seriously you take poker the more the negative effects of it can impact you.

How do some of you deal with depression and work?

I go thru a ****ty spiral of anxiety and leaves me getting little done and feeling horrible about it. ... As a journalist I finish one story and immediately move to the next, rinse and repeat, so there is almost never a "Ah, finished!" moment. Insted, just a list of assignments ... sometimes, and a lot recently, it just gets overwhelming. Switching constantly between tasks and stories ...

I have a really great job, but constantly feel guilty that my perceived failings, which generally are just that (perceived/wrong). ... I often sit here and try to convince myself to call out sick so can just leave it behind for a bit, but rarely do.

****.

Have you tried to allocate time for work/ feeling guilty/etc?

As far as I understand your situation you are working from home + you write that you have a constant stream of incoming projects. That results in never having a break.

I would try to allocate 8 hours a day to your job and after that do something for what you don't get money. Even if the story isn't finished in 8 hours and dead line is tomorrow morning. It feels totally scary and uncomfortable at first. After you notice that you survive such " failings " pretty well it is a lot easier to deal with stress when it takes up a limited time.

Thanks for the response. ... I am very bad at what you describe in general, partitioning things. I actually did call in today, after reading the post I made.

It's a bit difficult for me to do what you describe, but that doesn't mean I can't work harder at it. I work for a company and am working on 3-6 stories daily, so I don't have quite the control over my workflow that would allow me to do exactly what you describe. But I do need to do better at finding balance.

In a given month I might have anywhere from 60 to 100 bylines. So it's a constant process of jumping from topic to topic, which doesn't seem to be aligning well with my mental health right now.

i think that's the nature of almost all work unless you're a project manager, consultant or similar.

I also work from home, I try to take regular breaks, leave the house and go for a walk, make sure I take a regular lunch hour and afternoon nap if I feel like it. Don't stare at your computer screen for more than an hour without taking at least a 10 minute complete break.

I often either start really early or finish late in order to make free time during the day.

This is probably true. Certainly it's what I've been told--nature of the job. I guess I either need to just accept it or do something else.

I actually started working with this company as a freelancer and would do most of my work in off-hours. It allowed me to be more efficient and compartmentalize parts of the job that didn't jive with my own hangups. But when I came on FT this changed. Generally it's been a very positive thing and I'm probably healthier, mentally, for more time spent working in daylight.

But the flip side, it eroded all of those benefits that allowed me to get stuff done. I've talked with editors and managers and they're very sympathetic and understanding. The issue is on my end, which ... of course is the point of this thread.

I go through cycles of depression and elation/enthusiasm, usually manageable but sometimes severe. I’ve managed to reconcile myself to the fact that this is what life is going to be like for me.

Sounds very similar to me, Howard. Lately it's less elation and much more anxiety. Hoping it flips soon.

Sleep helps. Exercise helps. Procrastination makes it worse. I’m much more productive when I’m under stress, and that oddly helps too. When I’m not busy, I feel as though I’m slowly falling into a dark hole of meaninglessness and irrelevance.

That is of course true in some sense, but the fight is about not letting that fact ruin the moments of your life that have meaning and value in the meantime.

Set yourself goals. At the start of your day, list things you want to accomplish. Might be as simple as "I want to file twice today." Don't feel the need to stretch. Be reasonable and realistic.

At the end of your day, check your list and see if you accomplished your goals. If you did, pat yourself on the back.

Some of my most satisfying days at work are when I happened to chat with my boss in the morning, listed stuff I wanted to do, and at the end of the day I did it all.

Tolstoy says of Pierre Bezukhov, somewhere in War and Peace, 'But still he had to have some occupation. Only not to see IT, that terrible IT!'

Anxiety. I've been riding this beast for a few weeks especially. It's a new thing to exist without a mountain of neurosis, so my thoughts are somewhat clear at least and I don't feel prone to snapping off jmakin's trailer park. I think it's a mark of improvement, someday I will feel clear minded as a whole.