My deepest sympathies on your loss.

While I don't have any children, my sister lost her 3 year old son in a car accident in 1991.

I can still remember vividly the phone call from my mother, and the overwhelming feeling of grief that I felt at that instant.

My wife at the time and I flew to where my sister and family were living for the funeral. Those were probably the 3 or 4 most difficult days of my life. I tried to be there for my sister, but of course I couldn't do or say anything that would make her feel better.

At the time of the accident my sister had two sons (the older one survived the accident relatively unhurt), and now that son is 19 and has a 13 year old sister who was born not long after the accident. She would not be here today if not for the accident, as they hadn't planned on having more children.

My sister and I talk about Spencer once in a while, and even though time is a very good healer, it's not something you ever get over. I'm happy to say that my sister and brother in law are still together, because the divorce rate in such cases is extremely high. From what you have written I get the sense that you and your wife will grow much much closer because of what happened.

I hope that you and your wife do have more children. It won't make up for the loss of your son, but it will probably help in terms of the healing process.

I'm not sure if it's worse losing a child that you never got to know, a 3 year old, or an adult. I assume that all of the situations are equally unbearable.

I wish you and your wife all of the best. Take things one day at a time, and I'm sure you'll have many extremely happy times in your lives that you have to look forward to.

Yeah just about here too. Had to post after reading that, that post really hit me hard. Just wanted to say my heart goes out to you and your wife and try to stay strong while you guys get through this.

Poincaraux,

I am another member of this sad fraternity. My first son, Joshua Alexander, was stillborn almost ten years ago. His eulogy is posted at http://sids-network.org/fp/migdol.htm .

Every January 17th, my wife and I look through his baby book and grieve together, along with Joshua's younger brother and sister who are a very healthy 6 and 8 respectively.

Best wishes for the future for you and your wife. Please feel free to PM if you would like to discuss further.

This sentence made me feel worse than I have in years.

This is terrible, and though I've never met you I offer my deepest condolences.

My wife had two. I thought that would prepare me for the OP, but I was quite wrong about that.

I knew absolutely nothing about stillbirth before opening this thread. I now know that I will never say "miscarriage" and "stillbirth" in the same breath ever again.

OP: Get right back up on the horse. Knock her up again. Put that nursery to use. You'll like it.

I hardly ever read OOT, but I decided to read it tonight. Even if I'm another generic condolence, I just wanted to echo everyone's feelings and sorrow.

I don't know how you mustered the strength to write this, and I hope that doing it helped you in some way. It feels out of place and inconsequential to compliment you on your writing, but this is one of the most powerful things I've ever read.

I'm so sorry for your loss.

I'm so, so sorry. I couldn't imagine what you've been through.

Be Strong

You'll make it through

OMFG...

This puts everything into perspective...I'm deeply sorry for your loss.

Vava

My deepest condolences. I hope you the very best in getting through this ordeal...

P:

sorry for your loss. I can't imagine how horrible it must feel.

Sorry man.

I'm sorry I can't offer anything more than my sympathy. My heart goes out to you and your wife.

my deepest condolences, i cannot even begin to imagine how you feel - i hope sharing this with us helped you, even just a little. i wish i had something more to offer you.

poin,

I struggled to get through all of this. I am typing this with a big lump in my throat. Deepest sympathies. I will keep you and your wife in my thoughts and prayers. I hope that sharing your loss helps with the grieving process.

I'm so sorry. I promised my mom I'd never cry at work, too.

Things will be okay, and I'm sure you will have a happy, healthy family.

I hope your transition from wound to scar goes as smoothly as possible.

Thank you for sharing this with us.

wow - what can you say when you want to offer support and sympathy in a horrible situation without sounding shallow or glib?

I have no idea how that must feel and wouldn't wish your situation on my worst enemy.

They say everything happens for a reason but it's [censored] hard to see what reason there could be for something like this to happen at all.

Deepest sympathies - I hope you and your wife get through this become stronger and go on to have healthy kids in the future.

I can only imagine the terrible pain the two of you are going through, giving birth knowing the child has passed has to be one of the most terrible and horrendous things a mother has to do.

I hope the both of you can get past your grief, not forgetting but moving on, bury any feelings of guilt (there should be none), use this to make you stronger to start again and child you so wish for and that will be so loved and cherished by the both of you.

I am very sorry for your loss and I just want you to know that although I haven't prayed in years, I will be sure to say one tonight for you and your wife.

I pray that you two end up stronger for this tragedy and it only causes you to be all the better loving and caring parents in the future should you decide to try again.

My heart is just throbbing for you, Poin. I don't know if this helps at all, but fwiw, my mother delivered my older brother in 1971. She and my father wanted one more child. She suffered through three miscarriages, and she said it was so emotionally destructive that she would give it one more chance.

Her pregnancy was going well, and she says she went to the hospital on Valentine's Day, 1979, for a regular visit. That's when her doctor told her she would be having twins.

On her way out, she excitedly shouted at another pregnant woman, "I bet you only got one in there, honey!"

My twin brother and I were born healthy that May. My mother and father tell me that as much pain as they felt during the miscarriages, they feel blessed to have three healthy children.

I hope better days are similarly ahead for you and your family.

I will hold my pregnant wife a little longer tonight.

Our deepest sympathies.

Thank you all so much.

I'm at work now, and crying, and I can't respond to everyone right now, but thank you.