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Old 10-25-2013, 10:57 AM   #151
dalerobk2
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Re: Dating Someone With Borderline Personality Disorder

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Originally Posted by granddam View Post
I'm finding it interesting that most posters here are relating stories of women with BPD. does anyone know if this IS gender specific? I would assume that, since these women have BPD as a diagnosis, they must have sought some form of treatment, or where would the diagnosis come from? So, do more women have it? Or do more women simply seek some sort of help and thus get a diagnosis?
It's gendered, but it's not sex specific. The vast majority of BPD are women, but men can have it too. There's lots of evidence, as I understand it, to suggest it's related to early abuse, which tends to happen to girls more than boys along with other social and cultural forces that are gendered.
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Old 10-25-2013, 11:07 AM   #152
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Re: Dating Someone With Borderline Personality Disorder

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I don't talk to my mother anymore, but I always assumed she's lying whenever she opens her mouth. I'm not kidding. It's the only way you can approach it, b/c otherwise you get ****ed over somehow. My brother always assumes she's lying too. It's not just me.

Also, when you break ties with a person like that, don't let her back into your life. At all. Unless she's the mother of your children or something, keep away.
Yes, i would do that too , i would assume everything she stated was a half truth/lie , i couldnt deal with that .
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Old 10-25-2013, 11:17 AM   #153
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Re: Dating Someone With Borderline Personality Disorder

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Originally Posted by dalerobk2 View Post
It's gendered, but it's not sex specific. The vast majority of BPD are women, but men can have it too. There's lots of evidence, as I understand it, to suggest it's related to early abuse, which tends to happen to girls more than boys along with other social and cultural forces that are gendered.
Thanks. I'm somewhat familiar with the subject, but certainly no expert, and there are some interesting insights here. And the one about having an actual diagnosis really piques my interest. There must be a boatload of denial, similar to an alcoholic going on with people with BPD.

Wouldn't you logically think that, if someone goes to a therapist and actually gets a diagnosis of BPD, they would come home and google it or read a book and say, "J*** Ch***t, is that ME?

Seriously, the list of behaviors is frightening. Do any of these people actually see themselves in the diagnosis?
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Old 10-25-2013, 11:21 AM   #154
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Re: Dating Someone With Borderline Personality Disorder

I feel for ya OP, I really do. Much easier to sit here telling you to break it off than actually do it. I almost totally recognised myself in what you were saying there about why you can't break it off. The feelings I had for my BPD were definitely the deepest, she had this magic about her, a real sparkle. Compulsive reader too, like 3 books a week, keep that fast brain of hers entertained. She did the jealousy-provoking flirtation too, and 'oh did I upset you?' afterwards---they know they're upsetting you, the apology just an act...they are gaining control and domination by this.
Try and maintain a decent circle of friends outside of your relationship. It'll probably work its own course.
There are personality elements that predispose one to seeking relationships with this type of person, that go alongside the other things attracting you to her. It doesn't mean you're seriously disordered. But you can become disordered after this type of relationship, you can lose your grip on reality (esp. social reality and the basic honesty of people and the faith that they are basically good-natured).
No problem in 'taking another's perspective' for BPDs...in fact, they're quite good at it. Often, they just don't care though.
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Old 10-25-2013, 11:24 AM   #155
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Re: Dating Someone With Borderline Personality Disorder

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Old 10-25-2013, 11:26 AM   #156
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Re: Dating Someone With Borderline Personality Disorder

Most people with BPD never get a diagnosis. They think it's normal. It's just who they are and part of their personality. There's nothing wrong with them. It's everyone else.

They are also pretty much incapable of accepting responsibility. For example, I have never heard my mother apologize for any of her actions that caused problems and pain to others. Not once. Ironically enough, she apologizes incessantly for things which she has nothing to do with. I can't think of a great example, but it's something like I order a pizza. It's delivered cold. She would apologize profusely for the pizza being cold. It's ****ing crazy. It makes you want to blow.
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Old 10-25-2013, 11:32 AM   #157
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Re: Dating Someone With Borderline Personality Disorder

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Originally Posted by vorvzakone View Post
I feel for ya OP, I really do. Much easier to sit here telling you to break it off than actually do it. I almost totally recognised myself in what you were saying there about why you can't break it off. The feelings I had for my BPD were definitely the deepest, she had this magic about her, a real sparkle. Compulsive reader too, like 3 books a week, keep that fast brain of hers entertained. She did the jealousy-provoking flirtation too, and 'oh did I upset you?' afterwards---they know they're upsetting you, the apology just an act...they are gaining control and domination by this.
Try and maintain a decent circle of friends outside of your relationship. It'll probably work its own course.
There are personality elements that predispose one to seeking relationships with this type of person, that go alongside the other things attracting you to her. It doesn't mean you're seriously disordered. But you can become disordered after this type of relationship, you can lose your grip on reality (esp. social reality and the basic honesty of people and the faith that they are basically good-natured).
No problem in 'taking another's perspective' for BPDs...in fact, they're quite good at it. Often, they just don't care though.
She will make that impossible.

OP, the thing you have to understand here is that you've only seen the tip of the iceberg. People with personality disorders are capable of holding in their true personality around other people for periods of time. This can actually be infuriating, b/c they then manipulate others into thinking you're the bad guy. The BPD seems normal to most casual acquaintances. But the more comfortable they become with you, the more their real personality comes out. You've only been with her for four months. At 12 months, it's going to be far, far worse. I promise you. You have no idea what you're doing.
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Old 10-25-2013, 11:33 AM   #158
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Re: Dating Someone With Borderline Personality Disorder

lol, awesome! 'Like being married to a ****ing bouncy castle'

In right pupil: reflection of cute, caring, BPD ex-gf, holding camera, knife in back pocket. Taking shower post marathon sex-session/photoshoot.
gg in T-2 minutes. After that, she went...on a date.

Spoiler:
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Old 10-25-2013, 11:38 AM   #159
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Re: Dating Someone With Borderline Personality Disorder

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She will make that impossible.

OP, the thing you have to understand here is that you've only seen the tip of the iceberg. People with personality disorders are capable of holding in their true personality around other people for periods of time. This can actually be infuriating, b/c they then manipulate others into thinking you're the bad guy. The BPD seems normal to most casual acquaintances. But the more comfortable they become with you, the more their real personality comes out. You've only been with her for four months. At 12 months, it's going to be far, far worse. I promise you. You have no idea what you're doing.
+1 , They wont hide the cutting, constants suicide threats , head banging on the wall (like really wtf) , fake fainting

she do any of those near you yet op ?
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Old 10-25-2013, 11:40 AM   #160
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Re: Dating Someone With Borderline Personality Disorder

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Originally Posted by granddam View Post
I'm finding it interesting that most posters here are relating stories of women with BPD. does anyone know if this IS gender specific? I would assume that, since these women have BPD as a diagnosis, they must have sought some form of treatment, or where would the diagnosis come from? So, do more women have it? Or do more women simply seek some sort of help and thus get a diagnosis?
I'd have to look up the specific stats but IIRC BPD is diagnosed in women at least three times as much as men.

But it's not limited to women. I worked in a program with a guy with BPD once. He was just as emotionally unstable as a female with BPD.
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Old 10-25-2013, 12:13 PM   #161
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Re: Dating Someone With Borderline Personality Disorder

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No, just did a quick google search on it. I'm of course familiar with Harlow and his work but this biography looks pretty fascinating.
The author is really good. I was definitely more into the science than the life of Harlow. Might be different for you since you know about it coming in. Also, perhaps times have changed and the ideas are a little less controversial than they were 12 years ago.

This book (Love at Goon Park) is my only recommendation for new parents.
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Old 10-25-2013, 12:16 PM   #162
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Originally Posted by granddam View Post
Thanks. I'm somewhat familiar with the subject, but certainly no expert, and there are some interesting insights here. And the one about having an actual diagnosis really piques my interest. There must be a boatload of denial, similar to an alcoholic going on with people with BPD.

Wouldn't you logically think that, if someone goes to a therapist and actually gets a diagnosis of BPD, they would come home and google it or read a book and say, "J*** Ch***t, is that ME?

Seriously, the list of behaviors is frightening. Do any of these people actually see themselves in the diagnosis?
Often, mental health workers are reluctant to give the diagnosis of BPD due to the stigma ("they're impossible to work with and incurable, make them go away!"). It also takes some time to get to know someone well enough to diagnose a personality disorder so if you don't stick with a mental health provider long enough, you can escape officially getting the diagnosis. Additionally, at least half of my patients don't know their psychiatric diagnoses despite being in treatment for months or years.

On the other hand, multiple psychiatrists have told me that when they tell someone with BPD what they have or read off the diagnostic criteria, the patients all react the same: "omg, that's exactly me. I'm glad I finally have a name for what's been bothering me."
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Old 10-25-2013, 12:24 PM   #163
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Re: Dating Someone With Borderline Personality Disorder

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I've been seeing this girl for the past 4 months, and she is great, she's smart, she's beautiful, we have lots in common, and I haven't felt so naturally drawn to one woman in my 21 years of life. However, there is a problem, and that is that she has been diagnosed with BPD-(Borderline Personality Disorder). Basically, it's a personality disorder that at times makes her highly impulsive, overly clingy and sometimes very angry for no particular reason. She is on a lot of medication for it, and most of the time is fine, but she has her moments where she just loses it. She also has a history of self-harm and used to cut herself, but doesn't anymore. She told me it all stems from when she was 11-until she was diagnosed at 16, her Mother used to force her into Beauty Pageants, and she told me that her Mother would often force her to stay in her room for the 24 hours-(sometimes more) leading up the pageant, so she wouldn't eat any junk food without her Mother knowing and "Get fat". Which caused her to become paranoid about her self-image and became a bulimic from the age of 13 until she was 18. She is still far too self-conscious, but is no longer a bulimic. Anyway, even though she lives at home, she has still been staying over at my place a lot, the past month. To the point where she is practically living with me. She doesn't work, but neither do I.

Her rage is probably the biggest issue though. Just yesterday, we were putting away the dishes, and I put a fork, where the spoons should have been, and she just flipped out. It was like all her inner rage was coming out, she was pretty vicious verbally and wouldn't listen to reason, and even threw a plate at me which I managed to duck out of the way of luckily. She sort of immediatly realised what she did and started crying and apologising and threw herself at me, so I just held her for what was seriously like 30 minutes. The anger though was completely unexpected and pretty scary, and got me thinking, you know?

I really do like her a lot, more than any other woman I have been in a relationship with, because her REAL personality-(when not having an outburst or going through a mood) is amazing, and I have to say the sex is the best I have ever had, because she uses it as a way to release pent-up anger which is pretty wild. But I am not sure if I am ready to be in a relationship with a chick with so much baggage.

What would you all do in my situation? And Have any of you been in a relationship with someone with BPD or other mental disorders, and if so, how did you handle it?

CLIFFS:

- Dating girl with BPD.
- Really like her
- Amazing personality when not going through what the doctors call "an attack"
- Sex is great
- Practically living with me now
- She is capable of violent outbursts. Meds try to counter it.
- Highly clingy
- Not sure if I can handle the baggage


Right away I'd put her on a constant training regimen of meditation 2x a day, using a mantra at all times during the day and using affirmations to retrain her brain for more healthier emotional habits. Right now her brain is wired in a seriously messed up way cuz she was basically abused by what you are telling us. The meditation will basically train her brain to focus on one thing and so will the mantra so that when she has another emotional outburst she will be less and less likely to focus and be stuck on the emotions and will be able to recover from the outbursts a lot quicker and will even be able to detach herself a bit from the emotions themselves as all they are is just a chemical intoxication from neurotransmitters in the brain.

Along with training with meditative exercises she needs to rewire her brain for a better self image where she sees herself in a more positive light as being locked up in a room so you dont get fat obviously ****ed with her and her brain is still wired for that and is a long term habit right now. So for that I'd do the affirmation " I love and approve of myself". This will change the chemistry of the brain and rewire it so that she sees herself in a much more positive and loving way. Along with that she prolly needs to do some forgiveness affirmations and exercises cuz lets face it with abuse there is gonna be TONS of resentment so something like "I forgive and release all of the past" and maybe an even more focused one that focuses on her mother.


At the very least get her to start meditating, it makes a huge difference as it starts to rewire the brain right away and allows a person to view themselves in an objective kind of way to see whats really going on instead of just being stuck in whatever emotional meltdown they are in.
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Old 10-25-2013, 12:26 PM   #164
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Re: Dating Someone With Borderline Personality Disorder

Brandon Marshall of the Chicago Bears claims to be BPD, and is supporting MH causes due to that. His public history of behavior doesn't quite seem to fit the diagnosis, but there is definitely the possibility that there is much more involved.
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Old 10-25-2013, 12:27 PM   #165
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Re: Dating Someone With Borderline Personality Disorder

You move your penis back and forth in a vagina. It's not any better just because the owner of the vagina is insane.


(in before: no one owns a vagina)
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Old 10-25-2013, 12:28 PM   #166
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Run like a rabid dog is hot on your ass and don't look back, but not before one last hurrah ****. You ought to do everything you've always wanted to try sexually this one last time.
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Old 10-25-2013, 12:35 PM   #167
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Run like a rabid dog is hot on your ass and don't look back, but not before one last hurrah ****. You ought to do everything you've always wanted to try sexually this one last time.
Lol 'd irl
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Old 10-25-2013, 12:46 PM   #168
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Re: Dating Someone With Borderline Personality Disorder

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Run like a rabid dog is hot on your ass and don't look back, but not before one last hurrah ****. You ought to do everything you've always wanted to try sexually this one last time.
lol so true...
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Old 10-25-2013, 01:08 PM   #169
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Re: Dating Someone With Borderline Personality Disorder

http://similarminds.com/personality_disorder.html

Paranoid |||||||||||| 46% 50%
Schizoid |||||||||||| 50% 40%
Schizotypal |||||||||||| 42% 56%
Antisocial |||||||||||| 46% 46%
Borderline |||| 14% 45%
Histrionic |||||| 26% 35%
Narcissistic |||||||||||||| 54% 40%
Avoidant |||||||||||| 42% 48%
Dependent || 10% 44%
Obsessive-Compulsive |||||||||| 34% 45%

Found from here:

http://www.psychforums.com/borderline-personality/
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Old 10-25-2013, 03:18 PM   #170
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You move your penis back and forth in a vagina. It's not any better just because the owner of the vagina is insane.


(in before: no one owns a vagina)
If that's what you think sex is I feel sad for you
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Old 10-25-2013, 04:03 PM   #171
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Re: Dating Someone With Borderline Personality Disorder

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If that's what you think sex is I feel sad for you
yeah sometimes you also move it back and forth in other holes. Djeez why limit yourself to the vagina.
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Old 10-25-2013, 04:11 PM   #172
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My ex wife has bpd...

run sir, run far far away. Nothing is worth those crazy swings or the lack of rational thinking.

It won't get better...
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Old 10-25-2013, 06:24 PM   #173
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Re: Dating Someone With Borderline Personality Disorder

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I know that all the advice telling me to get out of the relationship is probably right... But it's different here, and I really don't think I can break up with her...
Shocking. Who, having read similar threads in OOT before, would have expected this?
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Old 10-25-2013, 07:51 PM   #174
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Re: Dating Someone With Borderline Personality Disorder

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wow, more details? How the hell did that happen. And in defense of truthsayer, the whole DSM disorder thing is kind of a joke. We will look back on that crap 50 years from now, and laugh just as hard at the people who didnt disinfect their hands before surgery way back.
Details will come out in the OOT mirder trial sweat thread. Currently scheduled for this January but dates move etc.

Don't defend truthsayer. That **** was awful.

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It's not any better just because the owner of the vagina is insane.
False.
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Old 10-25-2013, 08:41 PM   #175
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Re: Dating Someone With Borderline Personality Disorder

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lol
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