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Old 10-24-2013, 07:57 PM   #126
Anacardo
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Yo, man, if you ever saw how hard a psycho wolfbitch can work when she's motivated, you wouldn't traipse around saying lol **** like 'no way she was in jail.'
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Old 10-24-2013, 08:01 PM   #127
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Re: Dating Someone With Borderline Personality Disorder

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RJ, you're about the last dame in the world I'd expect to drop a signature foul on us.

Wow, is this a downer thread. Did we ever find out if that crazy ***** offed wvu somehow or not?
Sorry, I rarely use the app and had no idea it was even turned on.

I'll turn it off, I know those things are annoying.
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Old 10-24-2013, 09:03 PM   #128
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Re: Dating Someone With Borderline Personality Disorder

Grunch: Just dont put a ring on it. Enjoy each day and live out the sexual fantasies you may have (like any that you may have). Also personally I would disuade any professional advice and use the word quack alot.
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Old 10-24-2013, 10:46 PM   #129
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Re: Dating Someone With Borderline Personality Disorder

Why do neither of you work? How do you manage to put a roof over your head?
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Old 10-24-2013, 11:29 PM   #130
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Re: Dating Someone With Borderline Personality Disorder

Who cares about BPD? This thread is interesting because it is about to prove that guys will reject the advice of 90% of people to have sex with an attractive woman.
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Old 10-24-2013, 11:47 PM   #131
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Re: Dating Someone With Borderline Personality Disorder

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My research area is attachment
Have you ever read Love at Goon Park?
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Old 10-25-2013, 12:01 AM   #132
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Re: Dating Someone With Borderline Personality Disorder

More stories please. I'm intrigued and lol'ed that she threw a plate at you but you dodged it. Anything else? Crazy sex stories?
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Old 10-25-2013, 12:01 AM   #133
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Re: Dating Someone With Borderline Personality Disorder

This sounds awful. I've never dealt with anyone like OP's GF but I would definitely run. Seems like the relationship isn't very sustainable and if you ever try to run away things would get insanely ugly, quickly. With that being said, I hope OP's GF gets the help she actually needs. I'm betting OP sticks around though. I would honestly fear for my life at all times and, also, fear that I would either get in trouble b/c she falsely accused me of something or in trouble b/c I would attempt to either fight back or at least stop the madness. I typically try to avoid situations like OPs, like the plague. I don't need sexy time that bad.

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Old 10-25-2013, 02:09 AM   #134
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Re: Dating Someone With Borderline Personality Disorder

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Again, there is a difference between "chronic" and "some". Everybody has the occasional dark time of the soul at 3am. "Chronic" is when it is every day. At all hours of the day. And it impacts your life on a consistent basis.




What if someone always feels emptiness when they think about the meaninglessness of their ****ty life, but they don't like to dwell on crap like that so they don't think about it often?

I only ask because a friend of mine is looking at a possible 5 or even 6/9 here.
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Old 10-25-2013, 02:46 AM   #135
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Re: Dating Someone With Borderline Personality Disorder

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The time frame for burnt out on BPD is years, and it doesn't always happen.
Isn't it more like decades?

Sounds like a pretty useless PD.
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Old 10-25-2013, 09:02 AM   #136
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Re: Dating Someone With Borderline Personality Disorder

I know that all the advice telling me to get out of the relationship is probably right. All the personality flaws that have been mentioned and linked, match with her, I know that it's not a minor case of BPD what she has either, but a full-blown case of it, and I know with pretty much anyone else, I would have broken it off even before the plate incident. But it's different here, and I really don't think I can break up with her... at least not right now. It's got nothing to do with trying to be her "knight in shining armour" or trying to "fix her" as some have said, but just the fact the good times I have had with her-(which include more than just sex) have been the best times I have had in like forever. And 95% of the time, it is that way. It's just that other 5%, you know?


We had a LONG talk today, and although she said over the past year, she has only been occasionally seeing her therapist, she promised that after the plate incident, that she will start going more regularly. She also wants us to start going to see her therapist together. Which I thought was a good idea, because neither of us exactly have strong family support bases, so it is probably good to be there for each other, and it could be a good way so I can express my exact feelings about certain things as well without her switching off... even though I think she knows.


Because she does have empathy. I have heard and read that BPD sufferers don't have empathy, but she definately does, she can tell straight away if I am down and it seems to affect her. But at the same time, she knows how to bring me down as well.


For example, last month, we had dinner reservations, and she was pissed off at me for an incident earlier in the day where we were at the mall, and she thought I was checking out another girl, so in retaliation, by the time that I had forgotten about it, and thought it was in the past. When we sit down at our table, and the waiter comes over, she just starts majorly flirting with him right in front of me, with everything from the non-stop giggling, to the hair twirling, running her hand down her leg and then leaning forward to show him her cleavage. It was seriously a whole show, and the people at the two tables next to us were just looking at me forlornly, which was horrible, and I really didn't know what to say to her. But then she realised what she did had upset me and wasn't right, and she made an honest apology to me like 2 minutes after. Make of that what you will.


I noticed some people said that there's a chance that I have a personality disorder as well, which got me thinking... I have never been diagnosed with anything, but I do have some traits which could be linked to some kind of PD-(I pick at my lips and tongue without even realising I am doing it-(to the point where I have made my tongue bleed), and have a couple of strange compulsions), so there is a chance that I have something as well, but it's not co-dependency. I have always been the sort of person that really only looked out for myself up until I met my girl.


For now though, I think I am going to continue with the relationship, because even with the bad, she is the first truly good thing to happen to me and break my monotonous lifestyle of "Sleep-In, Gym, Poker, Video Games/Movie, Sleep" .


And to the people that asked how I put a roof over my head with no employment, I inherited my late Grandmother's house and pay the bills with poker money, but I'm just a grinder, not a high-stakes guy at all, so I am just getting by. The fact my girl accepts me for that is nice as well, because girls before her just saw my lifestyle, and automatically wrote me off.
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Old 10-25-2013, 09:21 AM   #137
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Re: Dating Someone With Borderline Personality Disorder

My ex-wife was diagnosed with this. We were married for a long time and after I finally left, and had a clear had, the biggest regret I had was not leaving earlier. Way earlier. It's scary - I feared for my life many times. You've been with her for 4 months, you're young, there are plenty of women out there - get away dude. It's not worth it.

The apologies, empathy, crying - ALL fake. ALL manipulation. The plate incident is just the beginning - you have no idea what these people are capable of.

The fact that she was not going to therapy regularly and wants to go now just for you, should worry you.
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Old 10-25-2013, 09:23 AM   #138
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Re: Dating Someone With Borderline Personality Disorder

Let me ask you this - if you knew this woman was like this BEFORE you started dating, would you have gone out with her? Obviously not.

Don't be blinded by your "love" feelings, because that will fade eventually. And then you'll be stuck with a crazy woman and it'll be much harder to get away (married, kids, whatever).
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Old 10-25-2013, 09:39 AM   #139
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Re: Dating Someone With Borderline Personality Disorder

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My first girlfriend had BPD. She ended up marrying a friend of mine. Then she murdered him.

run away. now.
wow, more details? How the hell did that happen. And in defense of truthsayer, the whole DSM disorder thing is kind of a joke. We will look back on that crap 50 years from now, and laugh just as hard at the people who didnt disinfect their hands before surgery way back.
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Old 10-25-2013, 09:42 AM   #140
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Re: Dating Someone With Borderline Personality Disorder

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Have you ever read Love at Goon Park?
No, just did a quick google search on it. I'm of course familiar with Harlow and his work but this biography looks pretty fascinating.
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Old 10-25-2013, 09:46 AM   #141
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Re: Dating Someone With Borderline Personality Disorder

Whether or not you plan to stay with her OP, I would recommend you get her to look into CBT and DBT groups if she hasn't already. Sometimes group therapy in conjunction with one on one therapy can help even more.
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Old 10-25-2013, 10:22 AM   #142
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Re: Dating Someone With Borderline Personality Disorder

OP,

BPDs are liars and manipulators. She appears to care about you and seems to be sorry, but that just means she knows she pushed you too far and needs to pull it back to keep you. That's all. It's not real. She cares about herself and her own needs and how you fill those for her. It's not about you. It's not real. It's about her. Always. She's just manipulating you.

And, yeah, you should definitely see a therapist. Anyone who wants to pursue a relationship with a person with serious and incurable mental health issues clearly has some massive problems. Seek help immediately. And I'm not kidding.
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Old 10-25-2013, 10:28 AM   #143
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Re: Dating Someone With Borderline Personality Disorder

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Originally Posted by MichaelScarn View Post
I know that all the advice telling me to get out of the relationship is probably right. All the personality flaws that have been mentioned and linked, match with her, I know that it's not a minor case of BPD what she has either, but a full-blown case of it, and I know with pretty much anyone else, I would have broken it off even before the plate incident. But it's different here, and I really don't think I can break up with her... at least not right now. It's got nothing to do with trying to be her "knight in shining armour" or trying to "fix her" as some have said, but just the fact the good times I have had with her-(which include more than just sex) have been the best times I have had in like forever. And 95% of the time, it is that way. It's just that other 5%, you know?


We had a LONG talk today, and although she said over the past year, she has only been occasionally seeing her therapist, she promised that after the plate incident, that she will start going more regularly. She also wants us to start going to see her therapist together. Which I thought was a good idea, because neither of us exactly have strong family support bases, so it is probably good to be there for each other, and it could be a good way so I can express my exact feelings about certain things as well without her switching off... even though I think she knows.


Because she does have empathy. I have heard and read that BPD sufferers don't have empathy, but she definately does, she can tell straight away if I am down and it seems to affect her. But at the same time, she knows how to bring me down as well.


For example, last month, we had dinner reservations, and she was pissed off at me for an incident earlier in the day where we were at the mall, and she thought I was checking out another girl, so in retaliation, by the time that I had forgotten about it, and thought it was in the past. When we sit down at our table, and the waiter comes over, she just starts majorly flirting with him right in front of me, with everything from the non-stop giggling, to the hair twirling, running her hand down her leg and then leaning forward to show him her cleavage. It was seriously a whole show, and the people at the two tables next to us were just looking at me forlornly, which was horrible, and I really didn't know what to say to her. But then she realised what she did had upset me and wasn't right, and she made an honest apology to me like 2 minutes after. Make of that what you will.


I noticed some people said that there's a chance that I have a personality disorder as well, which got me thinking... I have never been diagnosed with anything, but I do have some traits which could be linked to some kind of PD-(I pick at my lips and tongue without even realising I am doing it-(to the point where I have made my tongue bleed), and have a couple of strange compulsions), so there is a chance that I have something as well, but it's not co-dependency. I have always been the sort of person that really only looked out for myself up until I met my girl.


For now though, I think I am going to continue with the relationship, because even with the bad, she is the first truly good thing to happen to me and break my monotonous lifestyle of "Sleep-In, Gym, Poker, Video Games/Movie, Sleep" .


And to the people that asked how I put a roof over my head with no employment, I inherited my late Grandmother's house and pay the bills with poker money, but I'm just a grinder, not a high-stakes guy at all, so I am just getting by. The fact my girl accepts me for that is nice as well, because girls before her just saw my lifestyle, and automatically wrote me off.
Poker is employment though...

As I said, he would stick around. I can't imagine how this won't end poorly. I guess you are way more tolerant of pain than most people.
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Old 10-25-2013, 10:30 AM   #144
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Re: Dating Someone With Borderline Personality Disorder

Reading over these past post have brought back some memories , sad that usually the ones that have these problems are the most angelic , (amazing in bed) types. I have a question for those that have dealt with this for an extended period of time . outside of all the good stuff listed above (irrational jealousy , spurts of violence) , did you guys have to deal with pathological lying ? Basically lying about everything and anything , and not backing down even when being called on that bluff until you show written/video proof ?
i had an ex who would not back down , even though she knew i wasnt like her typical meat head ex's and figured it out fast when she was lying . It is crazy to deal with this long , but sometimes the beauty , and the ups make you rationalize that you can deal with this. did you guys have that with your women/ex's as well?
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Old 10-25-2013, 10:42 AM   #145
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Re: Dating Someone With Borderline Personality Disorder

My mother has BPD. She's a pathological liar. It's actually really weird. She'll tell some story in front of me and then tell an entirely different version of the story with me right in front of her an hour later or something. I'm honestly not sure if she knows what reality is sometimes. I can't quite figure how she doesn't realize she's telling two very different stories in front of someone who will know she's lying. I don't know how to make sense of it.
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Old 10-25-2013, 10:46 AM   #146
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Re: Dating Someone With Borderline Personality Disorder

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My mother has BPD. She's a pathological liar. It's actually really weird. She'll tell some story in front of me and then tell an entirely different version of the story with me right in front of her an hour later or something. I'm honestly not sure if she knows what reality is sometimes. I can't quite figure how she doesn't realize she's telling two very different stories in front of someone who will know she's lying. I don't know how to make sense of it.
Same, its insane , the girl i was with knew i have/had an amazing memory and basically remember every detail and would still try to lie to me on events i was there for . It was the most tilting thing to not know if someone was lying or not with each statement she made.

Im asking all this , because i recently had a fling with one of them again, and it sucks how much better she feels than the rest of the women . I am going to let my logical side win on this.

Last edited by MyrnaFTW; 10-25-2013 at 10:53 AM.
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Old 10-25-2013, 10:53 AM   #147
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Re: Dating Someone With Borderline Personality Disorder

I'm finding it interesting that most posters here are relating stories of women with BPD. does anyone know if this IS gender specific? I would assume that, since these women have BPD as a diagnosis, they must have sought some form of treatment, or where would the diagnosis come from? So, do more women have it? Or do more women simply seek some sort of help and thus get a diagnosis?
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Old 10-25-2013, 10:55 AM   #148
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Re: Dating Someone With Borderline Personality Disorder

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Same, its insane , the girl i was with knew i have/had an amazing memory and basically remember every detail and would still try to lie to me on events i was there for . It was the most tilting thing to not know if someone was lying or not with each statement she made.

Im asking all this , because i recently had a fling with her again, and it sucks how much better she feels than the rest of the women . I am going to let my logical side win on this.
I don't talk to my mother anymore, but I always assumed she's lying whenever she opens her mouth. I'm not kidding. It's the only way you can approach it, b/c otherwise you get ****ed over somehow. My brother always assumes she's lying too. It's not just me.

Also, when you break ties with a person like that, don't let her back into your life. At all. Unless she's the mother of your children or something, keep away.
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Old 10-25-2013, 10:57 AM   #149
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Re: Dating Someone With Borderline Personality Disorder

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If I were him I would give an ultimatum that any more violent stuff and he leaves.
That's just wrong.
I mean, the guy chooses to be with her and knows about her disorder.

It's not like she acts that way deliberately.
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Old 10-25-2013, 10:57 AM   #150
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Re: Dating Someone With Borderline Personality Disorder

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I'm finding it interesting that most posters here are relating stories of women with BPD. does anyone know if this IS gender specific? I would assume that, since these women have BPD as a diagnosis, they must have sought some form of treatment, or where would the diagnosis come from? So, do more women have it? Or do more women simply seek some sort of help and thus get a diagnosis?
it could also be that most of us are hetero and dont deal with guys like this for an extended period of time , but if i was forced to bet on it , i would say women >>>>>> men by a good amount on the issue of BPD
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