He's close with his sister. So what? He LIVED with you. Maybe he needed to get away for a little bit. Literally all relationships need time away from each other now and then. I honestly do not understand what the big deal is here.

And yeah you feel better today because you posted to bait a reaction from him and you got it. It's the same behavior pattern you will repeat over and over.

I appreciate the thought out response, but I don't know, if I were you I would be attempting to break up the cycle rather than act it out over and over again

The real sad sacks are the Jmakins that are compelled to "help" (aka not help) every crazy ***** they encounter. If anything, M's presence has illuminated all the sad codependents on here. The aspie robots keep trying to logic it out while the emos try to change her fee-fees.

Life isn't a fairy tale. M is always going to be a nutty, needy selfish jerk. You guys need to break up with her.

Lol, i think it's fairly obvious to even the most ******ed observer that my posting style wrt to her is different than others trying to give advice. The sad sacks are people like you that still hang around to berate people despite hard, vigorous claims of not caring.

**** off dude.

It's not new information, but it's the first time I'm really thinking about analyzing my thoughts in the moment. I'm still feeling manic right now, but I'm trying to go through my thoughts and decipher if the rejection I'm feeling is rational or real. I couldn't do it last night, but I'm trying to practice right now to keep rational and to just sit with the emotions like my friend suggested before.

I care enough to want the tumour excised.

Tell the truth Jmakin: A little bit of you wishes that you could fly over and save her from Code right? And give her soft kisses?

K-I-S-S-I-N-G.

he also plays cards with her on the weekends

No one understands how intense the fear of rejection can be and the intense hurt that is felt when rejected.

When he went to that game 2.5 years ago after I begged him not to, I went completely insane for almost two years. I brought it up every single day after he went for 8 months until he finally told me he didn't want me and I moved out. Everyday I brought up how he hurt me and I wanted him to apologize for hurting me and rejecting me and choosing her over me. A normal person would be pissed off but then get over it after a few days. It's been 2.5yrs and I still feel the hurt from that and I'm still constantly terrified that he will do it again. I'm so scared that I'm thinking about him doing it again 6 mont from now and I'm already trying to make plans to prevent it so I don't feel that pain again. This sounds insane, but this is how bad the fear and hurt is for someone like me. How do I overcome something so intense that I still feel the effects of a single event 2.5 yrs later? I'm at a loss, I don't know how to get rid of the fear of future occurrences possibly happening and I can't let go of the past hurt of rejection.

Pretty sure you said you were going to just have some fun with him for 6 week sor so with sex/casinos/canoeing but that you'd decided you didn't belong together. Not sure why you'd harbor any anger towards him in 6 months.

LOL. Yea, if that's what you actually read into my posts you are dumber than you seem, and that's already pretty damn dumb.

I've always been more on code's side here. She comes off as abusive and manipulative. Your attempts at trolling are a little pathetic.

you tried to sever the relationship code has with his family!!! it's mind bottling how full of grief you must be to still be blinded to your own magnificent failures.

I'm so confused.
When I talk with my therapist about how he chose his sister over me, they all agree that what he did indicates that he didn't care about me and he was wrong. But, they never address why it has bothered me for so long. That time it was real rejection, but my reaction was not normal to be mad everyday for months.

Yes, he absolutely acted like he didn't care about me then and did me wrong, and the therapist are right and I should have respected myself enough not to let him treat me like that. But, he has also done a lot of other positive things and I do misinterpret things he does as rejection when it's not and I've been controlling and possessive.

It's like he was wrong and did wrong, but I'm also crazy and the therapist never focus on me being crazy and how to fix that. They always just tell me I need to find someone who cares about me and leaving code 3 will fix me. I don't want to freaking hear that anymore. I want to actually fix what's wrong with me and let go of the hurt and not be ****ing crazy for years over a single incident.

I can analyze my thoughts and realize that something is not really rejection and I'm wrong. But, I don't know how to handle the emotions of real, actual rejection from him.

huge lol at a human adult in their thirties making another human adult choose between them and their family.

No, it ****ing doesn't, and you're either mishearing/misinterpreting what they're telling you or are completely imagining it.

I cannot even believe we're still going over this. He's close with his sister. There's nothing ****ing wrong with that. There's a LOT to pick on with code, but this isn't a thing.

In your head it's like "ok he was wrong and I need to not be crazy when he's wrong" when it's actually you overreacting to a complete non-issue.

Dog adults do it all the time, but we should expect more of humans imo.

Some families are broken and pathological. I see no reason you should be close to your family or have them involved in your life if that's the case. In fact, the mark of an adult is emotional and practical detachment from your family, going out and making your own life away from them.

You're not an adult imo if you still rely on your parents for more than very occasional emotional support, or if you buy into their nonsense such that it affects your life and relationships. You're role playing being a child.

The first step is disconnecting from code. Why don't you just listen to the professional for a change and re evaluate your life in 6 months to a year. Of course none of this will happen.. Baaaa!

yea because that's what we're talking about

In a committed relationship (i.e. Marriage), a man's wife should become his priority above all else. That includes his immediate family. Unfortunately, you are not in that type of relationship. And from what we can tell from your posts, will never be in that type of relationship with code.

What does it indicate? I told him for 2 months to please not go and that it would hurt me and he went anyway knowing the situation that happened with his sister surrounding the tickets and knowing it was my birthday. He completely took her side over mine. He could have stayed neutral and not gone or chose either of our sides, but he chose her when she was in the wrong.

Yes, I have overreacted to other instances with him being close to his sister. Ok, he sees her once a week and goes to games with her, nothing wrong with that, agreed. I was possessive of him in the beginning of the relationship, I was wrong. I precieved him wanting to go to games with his sister instead of me as rejection, this was wrong and not rejection. Him preferring something with someone else instead of me is not rejection.....aaaah it feels like it though.

I was thinking about dude yesterday. Can't believe it's been 3 years since the last bump.

What happened to the OP and his relationship? I haven't read through the thread yet.

Ok, he did something wrong there, maybe. I mean, who knows what actually happened? You even said yourself that you don't always see reality in these situations. Maybe you were being a dick to him for 2 months straight over this and it made him not want to spend time with you. Is that right? No. But a little more understandable than the scenario of "he just blatantly ditched me on my bday for my sister."

You frame these scenarios in such an insane reality. From the text exchanges you've posted where you think you're right, I'm sorry, but you come off completely insane. I can't even imagine what he must have endured for those two months leading up to that.

That isn't the case.

It indicates that is what he wanted to do. And when he wants to do something, he does it regardless of how much whining and begging you do.

You seem to get terribly upset when that happens. Accept that as your lot in your relationship or get out of it. Simple choice.

Yes, I did torture him for two months. At first I explained what happened and he didn't do anything about it, and then he said he was still going to go with her. I calmly explained it again, and he still didn't do anything. She knew I was mad and offered to not go to let things calm down, and he told her no they were going together. I got so mad and didn't leave him alone about it up until the day of the game. Then, while he was there, I was so infuriated and texted him nonstop throughout. After he went, I brought it up every single day for 8 months straight. I was so incredibly mad and hurt that he chose her despite her being wrong. He knew I was upset and just flat out did not care about how I felt. He made no effort what's over to care.

They also had tickets for a game I wanted to go to in January, so I bought tickets and told him to choose between me and her and he better choose me since he chose her the first time. He of course went with her and I had to go with some guy from work. I know it was wrong to try to force him to choose, but I wanted him to make up for doing the wrong thing the first time.