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Old 10-24-2013, 04:50 PM   #101
crashjr
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Re: Dating Someone With Borderline Personality Disorder

Still glossing over the non zero chance that she kills OP/herself/drowns kids in the bathtub.
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Old 10-24-2013, 04:53 PM   #102
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Re: Dating Someone With Borderline Personality Disorder

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Originally Posted by Regret$ View Post
If you are a psychiatrist who lied to your client and expect honesty from them you are stupid. If you are court appointed and you expect honesty you are stupid. If you tell the client obvious lies or wave the stick of implied force don't be surprised when they get all clammy on you (and that includes previous psychologists they have worked with if you don't clear the air).
How long were you institutionalized or required to attend sessions?
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Old 10-24-2013, 04:57 PM   #103
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Re: Dating Someone With Borderline Personality Disorder

These pictures are disturbing. if you are trying to show some sort of gender specific mental illness, you are being unclear. if this is your point, you will need to include pictures of rapists and pedophiles. These are also, IMO mentally disturbed people.
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Old 10-24-2013, 04:59 PM   #104
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Re: Dating Someone With Borderline Personality Disorder

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OP's been with her for 4 months during which time it's been an emotional roller coaster that's already escalated to violence.

The only difference between OP and pudley is that her throw missed. You're being remarkably results oriented for a strategy mod.
If I were him I would give an ultimatum that any more violent stuff and he leaves.

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Yes, yes, we get it, "Everyone's a little bit crazy so nobody's crazy. Sure, I'd share a steak with Dahmer".
I'm just saying this girl is scarred like many people and that shouldn't be ignored in the equation.

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I'm not sure why think posting pictures of troubled women - who are likely still, at best, a 1 or 2 on the BPD "crazy scale" (with OP's being at least a 5) - in any way helps your case. If damaged women are your ideal dating partners that's more a reflection of you than anyone else.
I'm not perfect and I don't expect a prefect partner. If I really love and care about someone then I will go into a burning building after them. That is strength to me. Certainly some actions are across the line, but we can't possibly know what this girl really thinks or who she is.
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Old 10-24-2013, 05:00 PM   #105
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Re: Dating Someone With Borderline Personality Disorder

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How long were you institutionalized or required to attend sessions?
zero
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Old 10-24-2013, 05:01 PM   #106
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Re: Dating Someone With Borderline Personality Disorder

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I'm just saying OP shouldn't snap jump out the window because someone diagnosed her with something. I think anyone who is waiting for a completely sane person to shack up with is either not looking hard enough for the person's crazy or they will be waiting around a long time.

How many times have you heard of a clinical physician making a wrong diagnosis? One of my friends get a different incorrect diagnosis (sometimes life threatening) every time they go to the doctor. Sure it's not totally apples to apples but psychiatrists are not infallible either.
It doesn't matter about the formal diagnosis. This lesson should apply to anyone, especially the many people who find themselves shacked up with a BPD NPD. You be the psychiatrist, as far as diagnosis is concerned. Ok don't go into crazy confirmation-bias mode, especially if it's just to shift blame for relationship problems on to them. But if you take a clear, objective approach, and note, as the OP did without professional training, that she exhibits a suite of signs that happen to really match well on to BPD, and there is violence, then you should consider ending the relationship on those grounds.
Cutting+violence+extreme emotional shifts, it's a big enough set of red flags to really consider getting out quickly. You're not simply abandoning them. You're putting the end to a dangerous cycle. Help her as much as yourself.
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Old 10-24-2013, 05:04 PM   #107
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Re: Dating Someone With Borderline Personality Disorder

Does your opinion change if it has been 5+ years since she has cut herself?
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Old 10-24-2013, 05:05 PM   #108
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Re: Dating Someone With Borderline Personality Disorder

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Speaking of the guy with the multiple-personality girlfriend who did the AMA, SGT RJ, do you have any knowledge/experience about a link between disassociative identity disorder and borderline personality disorder?

It seems like borderline personalities in their wildest swings can be completely different people. I'd guess that the shattered sense of self and the whole black & white splitting thing contributes to this. I've seen it with my own eyes: going from a quiet child-like state, to desperately sad and in despair, then angry and out of control, which inevitably collapses inward to self-hate. Any thoughts?
BPD with the splitting is actually a pretty healthy, adaptive response in a certain sense, it's the situation that's messed up...but the mind over-reacts, and makes the changes permanent.
You're supposed to grow up with a certain minimum of stability, love, predictableness and decency. Imagine you grow up with a parent who is normal one minute, and then beating you the next. What poise does the mind develop to deal with this world, a mind that is designed to adapt for your survival? You adopt 'splitting'. Anything else could kill you. You need to learn to quickly switch between liking and appreciating someone to get on and cooperate with them, to hating them so that you may evade them when they are a threat to you. It's just adaptive response gone wild.
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Old 10-24-2013, 05:06 PM   #109
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Re: Dating Someone With Borderline Personality Disorder

Regret$, ten times as many men are in prison, ergo all men are criminals. Ten times as many boys are in Special Education classes, ergo all boys are stupid. The misuse of facts is faulty logic. (The figures may be somewhat dated, but the numbers are still highly skewed.)

I'm an alcoholic, can I assume you know precisely how I think, because you've known a few?

Can you see how these presumptions could lead you astray?
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Old 10-24-2013, 05:08 PM   #110
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Re: Dating Someone With Borderline Personality Disorder

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Does your opinion change if it has been 5+ years since she has cut herself?
No, and I speak from direct experience of this. BPD like NPD emerges from developmental difficulties in a bad environment. Cutting is often a response to that bad environment or its immediate aftermath. They may overcome the cutting but the fact that it has been there lends a lot of support to the assertion that the current massive swings, splitting, lashing out, fear of abandoment may be the result of BPD.
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Old 10-24-2013, 05:11 PM   #111
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Re: Dating Someone With Borderline Personality Disorder

Sounds to me like regret$ is dating one of these harpies. That's the only conceivable way i can imagine reading that OP and going "oh, totally normal LDO"
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Old 10-24-2013, 05:14 PM   #112
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Re: Dating Someone With Borderline Personality Disorder

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If I were him I would give an ultimatum that any more violent stuff and he leaves.
You sound incredibly naive.

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I'm just saying this girl is scarred like many people and that shouldn't be ignored in the equation.
And we're saying OP needs to educate himself of the situation and the road ahead so he can make informed decision as to how to proceed. Your Pollyanna views and unrealistic expectations notwithstanding it's not a moral failing on OP's part if he wants to end a short-term relationship rather than taking on the incredible burden and responsibility of dealing with someone with severe emotional problems.

Anorexia and cutting are serious issues that require considerable commitment from and will greatly impact any future partners. Most people would have a difficult time dealing with those issues - many couldn't cope. But they for someone with BPD they are but one of several symptoms.

If anorexia or cutting are shoplifting, BPD is Medellín Cartel.
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Old 10-24-2013, 05:16 PM   #113
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Re: Dating Someone With Borderline Personality Disorder

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1) Borderline Personality Disorder (or any personality disorder) cannot be cured or fixed or really dealt with by medication.
Medications can help with the symptoms of BPD, such as the impulsivity, mood reactivity/lability, suicidality, and dissociations. Of course, therapy is also indicated and I would highly recommend a combo of therapy and meds if the therapy alone isn't enough and there needs to be some toning down of the intensity of the symptoms. Also, being on "a lot of meds" as in the OP seems to indicate the meds aren't doing anything in this particular case.

BPD is known to 'burn-out' so even without treatment it's expected to eventually get better.

My final note for this thread for now is that the diagnostic criteria listed for BPD was incomplete. In order to get the BPD diagnosis, you must also first meet the criteria for a personality disorder in general. Which means, to steal from the wiki page which steals from the DSM, there must be:

"An enduring pattern of psychological experience and behavior that differs prominently from cultural expectations, as shown in two or more of: cognition (i.e. perceiving and interpreting the self, other people or events); affect (i.e. the range, intensity, lability, and appropriateness of emotional response); interpersonal functioning; or impulse control.

The pattern must appear inflexible and pervasive across a wide range of situations, and lead to clinically significant distress or impairment in important areas of functioning.

The pattern must be stable and long-lasting, have started as early as at least adolescence or early adulthood.

The pattern must not be better accounted for as a manifestation of another mental disorder, or to the direct physiological effects of a substance (e.g. drug or medication) or a general medical condition (e.g. head trauma)."

It's important to realize that those other criteria must be evaluated in this context.
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Old 10-24-2013, 05:17 PM   #114
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Re: Dating Someone With Borderline Personality Disorder

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Can you see how these presumptions could lead you astray?
Approx 8% of adolescent girls are bulimic or anorexic. How many other girls deal with these kind of self image issues? Fewer than a 1/3rd high school girls have a positive self image?
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Old 10-24-2013, 05:19 PM   #115
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Re: Dating Someone With Borderline Personality Disorder

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If anorexia or cutting are shoplifting, BPD is Medellín Cartel.
This is where you are wrong. If a girl has negative self-image then she is more likely to become anorexic. If she becomes anorexic then he is more likely to start cutting. Once she is hurting herself hurting others is not a far stretch.
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Old 10-24-2013, 05:21 PM   #116
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Re: Dating Someone With Borderline Personality Disorder

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Approx 8% of adolescent girls are bulimic or anorexic. How many other girls deal with these kind of self image issues? Fewer than a 1/3rd high school girls have a positive self image?
Again, you keep throwing around these false equivalencies. You might as well say 15% of teens shoplift. Therefore, it's perfectly reasonable to date Tony Montana.

http://news.google.com/newspapers?ni...g=1758,1243287
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Old 10-24-2013, 05:23 PM   #117
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Re: Dating Someone With Borderline Personality Disorder

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Fold pre flop. Wait for a better hand, your still early on the game.

Was married to the type for 15 years, appeal of crazy sex lasts 12 years.

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You're new around here so i figured you could use the heads up:

Poker analogies for non poker related stuff has been declared lame on 2+2 since around 2008.
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Old 10-24-2013, 05:25 PM   #118
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Re: Dating Someone With Borderline Personality Disorder

Do >25% of 20-35 women meet 5 of the DSM's symptoms of BPD? No ofc. But I still stand by this.

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So wait, she is clinky, has mother issues, self image issues, and gets emotional for no apparent reason? Sounds like most women. Deal with it.
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Old 10-24-2013, 05:37 PM   #119
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Re: Dating Someone With Borderline Personality Disorder

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Do >25% of 20-35 women meet 5 of the DSM's symptoms of BPD? No ofc. But I still stand by this.
I give up, lol. Please don't go into research...
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Old 10-24-2013, 05:37 PM   #120
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Re: Dating Someone With Borderline Personality Disorder

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Do >25% of 20-35 women meet 5 of the DSM's symptoms of BPD? No ofc. But I still stand by this.
Which is why my post #113 was so important. The difference between BPD and 'most women' is that these issues/symptoms "lead to clinically significant distress or impairment in important areas of functioning" with BPD, but not with 'most women.' That phrase isn't meaningless even though it is subjective.
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Old 10-24-2013, 05:50 PM   #121
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Re: Dating Someone With Borderline Personality Disorder

So less than 25% = most? I am confuse.
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Old 10-24-2013, 05:50 PM   #122
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Re: Dating Someone With Borderline Personality Disorder

OP,
That's a lot of drama for a 4 month relationship. Imagine a lifetime of that. I hope you are not trying to be the knight in shinning armor and hoping to "rescue" this girl. Damsels in distress are just distressed damsels
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Old 10-24-2013, 06:01 PM   #123
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The time frame for burnt out on BPD is years, and it doesn't always happen.

Also medication treats symptoms like depression but does nothing for the underlying entrenched behavioral and thought patterns. If the personality issues are primary, I cant think of a clinical modality (other than maybe one that is vehemently anti psychiatry and psychology in general) that would suggest medication alone without therapy.

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Old 10-24-2013, 07:47 PM   #124
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RJ, you're about the last dame in the world I'd expect to drop a signature foul on us.

Wow, is this a downer thread. Did we ever find out if that crazy ***** offed wvu somehow or not?
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Old 10-24-2013, 07:55 PM   #125
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Re: Dating Someone With Borderline Personality Disorder

I don't think it's sharing anything we shouldn't to confirm that she didn't murder him (which would have been hard, since IIRC she's in jail).
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