It depends. Some are very impulsive sexually, but some are impulsive with food. Plenty of women with BPD are huge b/c they over eat. They are not necessarily out ****ing lots of men, for obvious reasons.

Remember back when the site had this idea to 'like' posts? This post is why.

Generalizations like this require more scrutiny. BPD people are not all cheaters -- having impulse control issues doesn't automatically make you an addict, gambler, alcoholic, cheater, or whatever.

That may be true, but OP has a BPD gf. One of the best things about having a BPD gf, and the main reason guys get into relationships with BPD women, is the wild uninhibited sex.

Most of us aren't worried about a 400lbs whale with BPD cheating on anything other than McD's with BK. We also aren't sexing them unless we are kevroc. The ones we are sexing are far more likely to be of the cheating kind.

lolwat?

No.

Not at all.

Not even close.

Thanks a heap for the reccomendations, mate, I'm not much of a reader but I have ordered "Stop Walking on Eggshells", and my gf actually has "A Guide To Rational Living". What do you mean by "establishing and enforcing personal boundaries" though? Because I am worried that if I brought up something like that, that she would take it the wrong way and think I am trying to be her therapist, rather than her partner, and last time that happened she started going on a whole "So you think I'm a freak? I know I'm a freak" thing, and I don't want to go through that again.



My parents were/are distant, but don't have PD's as far as I know, or show any real traits of PD's, either.



She wouldn't do that.



Exactly.

Being wild and uninhibited doesn't mean she would cheat on me. I have an ex from when I was 19, who was the most vanilla girl you could ever meet. She wouldn't do anything other than missionary, and she was so vanilla, that she would move my hands away from her if I touched her breast in the act. And she cheated on me. Cheating has nothing to do with what a girl likes to do in the bedroom and the impulses she has. Espicially seeing, my girl is practically living with me right now, so it's not like she has to go far to fulfill them. I could see if it was a Long-Distance relationship it would be hard though, but that's not the case.



I see a lot of comments saying how despite how great 95% of the time is, how hard that 5% can and will be. And I won't deny it, her mood-swings, and some of the things she has done and said to me when upset definately affects me, hearing someone you love screaming to you how they are going to kill themselves and saying they hate you, followed by them throwing themselves at you in tears, really messes with my psychological state and hurts me. I am not in denial of that at all. But again though, that 95% of the time is not like with any other girl I have been with, and even during the 5%, I sort of feel like I owe it to her to be there for her when she is having an "attack" as sort of my way of showing her that I appreciate the happiness she brings me the other 95% of the time... if that makes sense?

At least one partner cheats in every relationship (of course people who are/were unaware of their partner's infidelity will deny this assertion), her being BPD isn't going to change things. What?...Did you think you could keep the whole pie to yourself?

Setting boundaries means setting clear limits of what is and is not acceptable behavior. You have to treat her much like you would treat a child. People with BPD are emotionally immature after all. For example, she calls you at work threatening to set the house on fire unless you come home immediately to take care of her. Your response: "Should I call 911? I'm not coming home." You are preparing to go out for the night with buddies so she threatens to kill herself. Your response: "Should I call 911? I'm not staying home." Whatever you do, don't react. Don't give her attention.

You think 95% of the time it's good, but you don't understand that being with someone with BPD is a 100% affair. They're invasive. They consume you entirely. They will suck the life out of you and destroy you. As she becomes more comfortable with you, you will not be allowed to spend time with your family. You will not be allowed to have friends. You must be available to cater to her every need all the time. You must set clear boundaries to make sure that doesn't happen. Don't give in to her tantrums--just like you wouldn't give in to a child's.

Walking on Eggshells is a great book. Memorize it. At the very least the crazy **** she does will start to form something like a coherence to it.

I feel sad for you that your girlfriends always go somewhere else to get laid. Maybe you could get one of those sex books and read up on how to do it better? They might stay around then. Meanwhile, don't project your life into generalizations about others.

I didn't say it was always the girl that cheats. I've cheated in half my relationships, and I'm sure in the half I didn't cheat in, my partners almost certainly did.

It's nothing to do with being good in the sack. Humans naturally want more than they have; so if you can get honey from two pots, what's stopping you from licking both clean?

Also
Anyway, this topic is a bit of a derailment. I stand by my position that OP's Girlfriend being BPD will make no difference to cheating expectations, except perhaps making OP more likely to cheat.

It's clear that MS will not listen to anybody with actual experience in this realm telling him to gtfo. Let MS turn this into a blog and post about how crazy his girlfriend is. When it ends, (hopefully) the entire community can let out a big "I told you so."

lol@ whippersnappers thinking a 4 month relationship being the end all of their existence. Op, you think it's bad now what do you think she'll act like after a year or two of getting comfortable?

Oh my.

Your assertion that everyone in any relationship cheats is ludicrous. Didace is correct that you are projecting.

He's not correct, he tried to make out that I made some misognynous comment and I'm bitter about something. I claimed that in every relationship one of the parties cheat.

Literally all my male friends openly cheat, and many times my female friends have confided in me that they have cheated or that they are considering doing so.

You must have a sad group of friends. While I know people who cheat, I wouldn't say that's a great %. How old are you?

Yes, and I'm disputing your claim that one of the parties always cheats. I said that Didace was correct that you are projecting your experiences onto everyone else.

I have a completely different experience than you when it comes to my friend's fidelity. Possibly it is the circle of people you hang out with and not a general rule?

This is a point worth noting, I think. She's aware that she's not quite out of the 'wooing' phase of the relationship and is putting on her best 'face' still. And this involves kitchen discus events. Things will be quite fiery by 18 months.

Someone mentioned earlier about the whole 'she's ok under the disorder, she tries to do her best'. Which raises the whole question of 'can she control her behaviour' and 'can she choose to change'?
A good place to look for answers is the law. Obviously BPDs NPDs are well-represented in the court system and they're looking for any expert-psych-witness they can to come in to speak in their favour. The personality disorder is diagnosed/highlighted and proffered in mitigation. But normally completely rejected as a defense, because even though it may have helped give rise to their behaviours, they still had complete control and were fully aware of their actions at the time. They just choose to embrace their inner bitch/bastard.

OP,

It is possible to have a successful relationship with someone who is diagnosed BPD.

That said, you are highly unlikely of succeeding based on your scenario. At 21 years old, you simply don't have the emotional maturity and life/relationship experience. I'm not picking on you or trying to put you down. It's just a fact that people your age lack the tools to accomplish this.

Your comments in this thread show that you have very little knowledge and understanding of BPD and what the diagnosis entails. You can address this somewhat by educating yourself, but ultimately the lack of maturity and experience that comes with your young age is going to make it almost impossible for the relationship to work.

A relationship with someone who is diagnosed BPD is nothing like a normal relationship. The books recommended in this thread will help you and give you a much better chance of succeeding than you would have otherwise, but I'd say you have a less than 2% chance of things working out.

If your plan is to just have a short term thing with her, that's fine as long as you are honest with her about your intentions. It will be almost nonstop excitement punctuated by moments of bewildering craziness. Eventually the craziness will begin to wear on you and after some period of that, you will decide it's just not worth it anymore. You'll then likely have a few dramatic breakups followed by immediately getting back together, with the time between breakups becoming shorter and shorter until you are almost constantly fighting. Then you'll have one final breakup and that will be that. You'll then be posting in this thread the next time someone makes a new version, advising them what everyone else is advising you right now.

It's more like 0.2%.

"
If your plan is to just have a short term thing with her, that's fine as long as you are honest with her about your intentions. It will be almost nonstop excitement punctuated by moments of bewildering craziness."

I am still at that stage with one , i am telling you , not one girl after/before has been able to replicate the sight of her on top of me..

You guys are vastly underestimating the chances that she crushes his soul and self-confidence by her emotional abuse and he becomes her emotional kickball. From OP's posts itt, I'd say the chances of him getting trapped into the blackhole of BPD is 5% and perhaps higher--possibly much higher. That's why advocating him to enjoy the "fling" is very dangerous. He already seems attached to her and is unlikely to be able to ignore her when she's trying to kill herself.

I'm going to affirm dalerobk's opinion that OP is almost guaranteed running into a buzzsaw, based on the situation and circumstances. Handling BPD folks is about setting boundaries for people who constantly invade and push and cajole and "manipulate", and it requires a lot of emotional maturity to handle these moments properly. Someone who's 21 and in love and is willing to stick by a 4-month relationship with a borderline is probably not well-equipped.

Other random points:

I believe it's called "borderline" because the characteristics of BPD share so much with other personality disorders that they appear to be on the borderline of many other disorders.

When people call borderlines "manipulative", I feel like it's accurate but slightly misleading. It's not manipulative in a conniving, shrewd sense; it's more of an out-of-control, I-will-do-anything-to-get-what-I-want sort of sense. When BPs start feeling abandoned, threatened, or otherwise devalued, the intensity of that feeling is so strong that they will often take drastic, unreasonable, illogical, and destructive measures to get away from those feelings. A lot of the times, those measures involve breaking through the personal boundaries of others. It's manipulation in effect -- they manipulate others to get what they want -- but it's not remotely close to the sort of manipulation you'd see with a narcissist or sociopath.

Well I've never heard this explanation. I've been taught what all the other answers in this thread have said -- it's at the borderline between neurotic and psychotic.