Two Plus Two Publishing LLC Two Plus Two Publishing LLC
 

Go Back   Two Plus Two Poker Forums > >

Other Other Topics Discussion of arts & entertainment, pop culture, food & drink, health and exercise, fashion, relationships, work, and just about anything else in life except poker, sports, religion and politics.

Reply
 
Thread Tools Display Modes
Old 05-02-2010, 02:58 PM   #226
Poker Reference
Pooh-Bah
 
Poker Reference's Avatar
 
Join Date: Dec 2009
Location: Issuing weather statements
Posts: 4,882
Re: beat...literally.. wife busted me.. interntz porn history

Why do women marry insensitive pricks?

It's a bit convenient to categorically state that any behaviour that comes easily to you is "natural" and therefore authentic and desirable, why can't she understand this, all men do it, it's her fault anyway, Jesus what a crazy, stupid woman I'm hooked up with.

The self-servitude, as it were, is hard to overlook in a situation like this. The wife is hurt and feels inadequate -- really not very different than most of you would respond if you discovered your girl had been getting off to vast catalogues of other men. It just feels like ****. It's hilarious that so many people here are pretending this is difficult to understand.

From her perspective, OP has an entire second sex life she's not a part of. If it were me married to the OP, I would meet him halfway if he proposed going to a sex shop together, maybe doing sexy pictures, going to a strip club if that's not pushing it, and so on, because unless I've missed something it's pretty clear they don't do any of this. Basically it sucks to confirm you're not the centre of someone's sexual universe, but I'd be more willing to tolerate guest appearances if I felt secure that I was still the most important part of it.
Poker Reference is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 05-02-2010, 03:13 PM   #227
Joseph Hewes
self-banned
 
Join Date: Aug 2007
Location: Food and Stuff
Posts: 2,466
Re: beat...literally.. wife busted me.. interntz porn history

Quote:
Originally Posted by Poker Reference View Post
... really not very different than most of you would respond if you discovered your girl had been getting off to vast catalogues of other men.
You're nuts if you think this is true.
Joseph Hewes is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 05-02-2010, 03:38 PM   #228
Poker Reference
Pooh-Bah
 
Poker Reference's Avatar
 
Join Date: Dec 2009
Location: Issuing weather statements
Posts: 4,882
Re: beat...literally.. wife busted me.. interntz porn history

Men as a group are no more immune to their own insecurities than women are, particularly when there's a good reason for it. Whether this is true of you personally is totally irrelevant.
Poker Reference is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 05-02-2010, 03:44 PM   #229
Henry17
Carpal \'Tunnel
 
Henry17's Avatar
 
Join Date: Aug 2007
Location: You've got a friend in me
Posts: 27,716
Re: beat...literally.. wife busted me.. interntz porn history

Quote:
Originally Posted by Joseph Hewes View Post
You're nuts if you think this is true.
If it isn't the guy is pretty stupid. I would rather get off watching porn of other guys using a vibrator alone than have sex with you sends a pretty strong message about the guy's sexual ability. Now if you don't care if you suck in bed then it wouldn't bother you but I can assure you most guys would freak out. Especially since most guys also complain about sex being too infrequent and then you discover well no it isn't that the girl isn't interested in getting off it is just that she rather do it without you.
Henry17 is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 05-02-2010, 04:18 PM   #230
vhawk01
Carpal \'Tunnel
 
vhawk01's Avatar
 
Join Date: Feb 2006
Location: GHoFFANMWYD
Posts: 31,866
Re: beat...literally.. wife busted me.. interntz porn history

Quote:
Originally Posted by Loss Tee View Post
Likely conversation:

Wife: So - I want to talk more about the fact that you're watching Porn - you know I don't like that

You: Honey, come on. Everyone does it.

Wife: I don't care what everyone does - I care what my husband does - and I don't want that going on in our house

You: ............


You're going to end up sending a message that your watching porn is more important than your wife's wishes. That doesn't lead to a good place.
As opposed to his wife, who is sending the message that her bizarre, arbitrary preferences are more important than her husbands happiness?

Yeah he is definitely in the wrong here, lol. You misogynists really can basically rationalize anything, cant you?
vhawk01 is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 05-02-2010, 04:25 PM   #231
Henry17
Carpal \'Tunnel
 
Henry17's Avatar
 
Join Date: Aug 2007
Location: You've got a friend in me
Posts: 27,716
Re: beat...literally.. wife busted me.. interntz porn history

Quote:
Originally Posted by vhawk01 View Post
As opposed to his wife, who is sending the message that her bizarre, arbitrary preferences are more important than her husbands happiness?
Her preference is neither bizarre or arbitrary. I don't disagree that Loss Tee comes across as fairly pussy-whipped in his posts but that doesn't change the fact that at least the essence of his sentiment is correct.
Henry17 is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 05-02-2010, 04:53 PM   #232
Neil Ross
enthusiast
 
Neil Ross's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jan 2009
Location: Liverpool
Posts: 60
Re: beat...literally.. wife busted me.. interntz porn history

women are the F*cking RAKE lol
Neil Ross is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 05-02-2010, 05:13 PM   #233
prana
Carpal \'Tunnel
 
prana's Avatar
 
Join Date: May 2005
Posts: 8,516
Re: beat...literally.. wife busted me.. interntz porn history

Quote:
Originally Posted by Henry17 View Post
If it isn't the guy is pretty stupid. I would rather get off watching porn of other guys using a vibrator alone than have sex with you sends a pretty strong message about the guy's sexual ability. Now if you don't care if you suck in bed then it wouldn't bother you but I can assure you most guys would freak out. Especially since most guys also complain about sex being too infrequent and then you discover well no it isn't that the girl isn't interested in getting off it is just that she rather do it without you.
If you are insecure about your sexual performance I guess or are needy to the point that your female has to worship you or you turn into a jealous nutjob. It doesn't bother me one bit if my girlfriend has a vibrator and uses it when I'm not around/available. As a matter of fact knowing girls do have and use them makes me more attracted to them. Now IF she's refusing to **** me ever, and masturbates with her toys completely shutting out our sex life then it's a completely different issue.
prana is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 05-02-2010, 05:20 PM   #234
vhawk01
Carpal \'Tunnel
 
vhawk01's Avatar
 
Join Date: Feb 2006
Location: GHoFFANMWYD
Posts: 31,866
Re: beat...literally.. wife busted me.. interntz porn history

Quote:
Originally Posted by Henry17 View Post
Her preference is neither bizarre or arbitrary. I don't disagree that Loss Tee comes across as fairly pussy-whipped in his posts but that doesn't change the fact that at least the essence of his sentiment is correct.
The essence of his sentiment is misogynistic nonsense, girls need protecting at every turn, they cant stand their preferences to be refused, whenever the husband and wife each want things it should be the man who gives in because the woman cant be disappointed.

The essence is that "Your wife is selfish if she would even THINK about asking you to stop this" is just as true as "You are selfish if you wont stop for your wife."


So no, Loss Tee is not "essentially" correct.
vhawk01 is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 05-02-2010, 05:23 PM   #235
Henry17
Carpal \'Tunnel
 
Henry17's Avatar
 
Join Date: Aug 2007
Location: You've got a friend in me
Posts: 27,716
Re: beat...literally.. wife busted me.. interntz porn history

Quote:
Originally Posted by prana View Post
If you are insecure about your sexual performance I guess. It doesn't bother me one bit if my girlfriend has a vibrator and uses it when I'm not around/available.
That wasn't my fact situation. That you felt the need to add the disclaimer just supports my position. The question is how would you feel if you were readily available and she still choose to go it alone?

Quote:
As a matter of fact knowing girls do have and use them makes me more attracted to them.
I would see it as a sign of being comfortable with her sexuality and as such it would increase my attraction to her but we are talking about being attracted to someone which is completely different than living with someone.

Quote:
Now IF she's refusing to **** me ever, and masturbates with her toys completely shutting out our sex life then it's a completely different issue
What if you are getting infrequent and not very good sex but you do get some just less than the rabbit does?
Henry17 is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 05-02-2010, 05:27 PM   #236
prana
Carpal \'Tunnel
 
prana's Avatar
 
Join Date: May 2005
Posts: 8,516
Re: beat...literally.. wife busted me.. interntz porn history

Hmmm so I used that disclaimer to sidestep your position? Haha.

OK. It doesn't bother me if I'm sitting on the couch and my girlfriend goes to "take a bath". Massaging shower head blah blah.
prana is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 05-02-2010, 05:32 PM   #237
Henry17
Carpal \'Tunnel
 
Henry17's Avatar
 
Join Date: Aug 2007
Location: You've got a friend in me
Posts: 27,716
Re: beat...literally.. wife busted me.. interntz porn history

Quote:
Originally Posted by vhawk01 View Post
The essence of his sentiment is misogynistic nonsense, girls need protecting at every turn, they cant stand their preferences to be refused, whenever the husband and wife each want things it should be the man who gives in because the woman cant be disappointed.
No. You are reading into his posts stuff that is not there. It has nothing at all to do with her being female but with how reasonable the request are. Chronic secret masturbating to porn is not normal behaviour in a healthy relationship so she is perfectly justified in being upset.

Quote:
The essence is that "Your wife is selfish if she would even THINK about asking you to stop this" is just as true as "You are selfish if you wont stop for your wife."
If you are in a relationship where you chronically secretly watch porn and masturbate then you made a bad decision in choosing to pair up with someone who you are not sexually compatible with. There is something wrong with your sex life if that is the situation. You could try to fix the incompatibility but that is not likely to work so the better choice is to end the relationship and find someone who you are sexually compatible with.
Henry17 is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 05-02-2010, 05:34 PM   #238
prana
Carpal \'Tunnel
 
prana's Avatar
 
Join Date: May 2005
Posts: 8,516
Re: beat...literally.. wife busted me.. interntz porn history

Well now we've jumped from masturbating to "chronic secret masturbating". Where is the line drawn anyway? I don't usually masturbate on my deck.
prana is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 05-02-2010, 05:40 PM   #239
prana
Carpal \'Tunnel
 
prana's Avatar
 
Join Date: May 2005
Posts: 8,516
Re: beat...literally.. wife busted me.. interntz porn history

Quote:
Originally Posted by prana View Post
Hmmm so I used that disclaimer to sidestep your position? Haha.

OK. It doesn't bother me if I'm sitting on the couch and my girlfriend goes to "take a bath". Massaging shower head blah blah.
Now if we had gone without sex for weeks and I knew she was runnin off to do stuff like this, then I'd have issues. Not because I'm jealous or insecure but because she isn't fulfilling my needs. I mean if she knew I wanted to bang her and was just withholding, of course I'd be pissed and wouldn't be in a relationship with her, let alone married. Hell if I'm tired and she wants to go masturbate I could really care less. I don't think the OP's situation is like that at all.

Last edited by prana; 05-02-2010 at 05:51 PM.
prana is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 05-02-2010, 05:44 PM   #240
vhawk01
Carpal \'Tunnel
 
vhawk01's Avatar
 
Join Date: Feb 2006
Location: GHoFFANMWYD
Posts: 31,866
Re: beat...literally.. wife busted me.. interntz porn history

Quote:
Originally Posted by Henry17 View Post
No. You are reading into his posts stuff that is not there. It has nothing at all to do with her being female but with how reasonable the request are.
No I'm not. And yes, it does. Because "stop looking at porn" is extremely, EXTREMELY unreasonable. Now, its one thing if OPs wife doesnt UNDERSTAND just how laughably unreasonable it is. But I'm not talking to OPs wife here. The people posting itt should be aware of how absurd of a request it is.

Asking her to tough it out is fairly unreasonable as well, but it pales in comparison imo. "I'm immature and hopelessly insecure" isnt a trump card that means you get your way whenever you want because the "unreasonable request" scale always comes down in your favor.
vhawk01 is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 05-02-2010, 05:45 PM   #241
Poker Reference
Pooh-Bah
 
Poker Reference's Avatar
 
Join Date: Dec 2009
Location: Issuing weather statements
Posts: 4,882
Re: beat...literally.. wife busted me.. interntz porn history

It's porn, not water.
Poker Reference is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 05-02-2010, 05:48 PM   #242
MikalSjekson
grinder
 
Join Date: Feb 2007
Posts: 533
Re: beat...literally.. wife busted me.. interntz porn history

Quote:
Originally Posted by Jay. View Post
OP,

I had a conversation with my girlfriend about this thread the end of it came down to, 'What can i do to make you want to **** me more than other women?'

me: 'it's really sad acknowledging this but there's very little you could do. It's just the male way. If you did everything to satisfy me as much as possible the next day i'd still rather **** your identical twin sister.'

Obviously that seems heartless and in realistic terms i wouldn't because of the guilt/moral/risk it would put on our relationship but if the whole world was out to please you and you had the pick of it it's unfornately true.
you moran,, you had anal in reach
MikalSjekson is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 05-02-2010, 05:49 PM   #243
vhawk01
Carpal \'Tunnel
 
vhawk01's Avatar
 
Join Date: Feb 2006
Location: GHoFFANMWYD
Posts: 31,866
Re: beat...literally.. wife busted me.. interntz porn history

Quote:
Originally Posted by Poker Reference View Post
It's porn, not water.
Cant have it both ways. If "its porn" then "its porn" to both parties, and you are making my argument for me.

The reason one side is more unreasonable than the other side is that one side is demanding that another person stops doing something in their own free time. The other side doesnt expect anything from anyone else, and doesnt involve restricting the actions of anyone else. So it really doesnt matter how important porn is, whether its as vital as water or whether its completely trivial.
vhawk01 is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 05-02-2010, 05:51 PM   #244
Henry17
Carpal \'Tunnel
 
Henry17's Avatar
 
Join Date: Aug 2007
Location: You've got a friend in me
Posts: 27,716
Re: beat...literally.. wife busted me.. interntz porn history

Quote:
Originally Posted by prana View Post
Well now we've jumped from masturbating to "chronic secret masturbating". Where is the line drawn anyway? I don't usually masturbate on my deck.
Well the secret is pretty much a given. If it was just casual it wouldn't take eight years to find evidence of it.

Chronic I am just getting a vibe that most people are talking at least every other day if not daily. Maybe I'm misreading that but that is the impression I'm getting.

Quote:
Originally Posted by prana View Post
On the same note, if we had gone without sex for weeks and I knew she was runnin off to do stuff like this, then I'd have issues. Not because I'm jealous or insecure but because she isn't fulfilling my needs.
Well I wouldn't expect you to be jealous of an inanimate object but in the end she choose it so there has to be a reason. If nothing else I'd at least expect an invitation to watch.

With respect to needs have you consider that OP's wife's needs are not being met as well. Women enjoy and want sex as much as men do yet the reason OP is masturbating is because he is not getting enough sex from his wife. Can you see how from the wife' perspective that could be him taking the easy way to his own sexual fulfilment rather than doing stuff to improve the joint sexual relationship.
Henry17 is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 05-02-2010, 05:53 PM   #245
Henry17
Carpal \'Tunnel
 
Henry17's Avatar
 
Join Date: Aug 2007
Location: You've got a friend in me
Posts: 27,716
Re: beat...literally.. wife busted me.. interntz porn history

Quote:
Originally Posted by vhawk01 View Post
The reason one side is more unreasonable than the other side is that one side is demanding that another person stops doing something in their own free time. The other side doesnt expect anything from anyone else, and doesnt involve restricting the actions of anyone else. So it really doesnt matter how important porn is, whether its as vital as water or whether its completely trivial.
So I assume you are in an open relationship?

****ing other people (assuming you practise safe sex) also meets all the requirements you established for reasonable and acceptable behaviour.
Henry17 is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 05-02-2010, 06:01 PM   #246
prana
Carpal \'Tunnel
 
prana's Avatar
 
Join Date: May 2005
Posts: 8,516
Re: beat...literally.. wife busted me.. interntz porn history

Quote:
Originally Posted by Henry17 View Post



Well I wouldn't expect you to be jealous of an inanimate object but in the end she choose it so there has to be a reason. If nothing else I'd at least expect an invitation to watch.
If I really wanted to I'm sure she would let me watch. Thing is I respect her and if she wants to be alone she's going to appreciate me that much more for letting her be.

Quote:
Originally Posted by Henry17 View Post
With respect to needs have you consider that OP's wife's needs are not being met as well. Women enjoy and want sex as much as men do yet the reason OP is masturbating is because he is not getting enough sex from his wife. Can you see how from the wife' perspective that could be him taking the easy way to his own sexual fulfilment rather than doing stuff to improve the joint sexual relationship.
If her needs aren't being met the answer isn't to tell him no porn. She should start by saying, "hey if you are that horny you are watching porn bang me more often because you obviously aren't picking up the hints I'm leavin that I'm wanting sexy time." Or something similar.
prana is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 05-02-2010, 06:20 PM   #247
pongo
veteran
 
pongo's Avatar
 
Join Date: Nov 2008
Location: lol, woman
Posts: 2,812
Re: beat...literally.. wife busted me.. interntz porn history

LOL at this thread. Here's the thing, especially for women. Masturbation is not the same thing as sex. They are not exactly substitutes for each other. No matter how much sex I am getting from my partner I will probably still masturbate once in a while because it is something I like doing for myself by myself and it has really very little to do with how much partnered sex I am having or whether my partner is meeting my sexual needs. Masturbation is great because it can be all about you and it can bee as fast or slow or gentle or rough as you want and it can be far more stress relieving than sex because you don't have to worry about if you forgot to shave your legs or if he is having a good time or any of that bull****, so it will never be fully replaced by being in a sexual relationship.

I assume this is to at least some degree for men, too. Sex and masturbation serve different, but possibly overlapping purposes, and no matter how much you are getting of one, you'll probably still be needing some of the other. I think Henry is a huge outlier here.

As far as you, OP, you're not wise to be promising your wife no more porn. The "porn" as you're defining it isn't the issue. I'm pretty sure that from her point of view that any sexy or scantily clad woman that is the subject of your masturbatory fantasy, even if she's just in a "girls of facebook" thread on 2+2, falls under the umbrella of "pornography." Promising not to masturbate to porn is essentially promising not to masturbate with any sort of visual aid, or possibly, (depending on your wife's interpretation of your conversation) a promise not to masturbate at all. If this is something you've regularly been doing once a day, it is not sustainable for you to just quit, cold turkey, forever. Trying will probably only serve to make you irritable and resentful, and eventually you will give in, and you will start lying to your wife and hiding your behavior. And then you will be caught. She will be pissed, and this time justifiably so, because now she has your word that you would stop doing this.

The two of you need to educate yourselves on what is healthy sexually behavior and what expectations you can have of each other in your marriage regarding sex and masturbation, as well as other issues that you've hinted you've had. You might want to find a (sex-positive, for the love of god) counselor to help you talk about these things. If you don't your marriage will probably end up either unhappy or unsuccessful.

Good luck getting this all straightened out, and sorry for the TMI.
pongo is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 05-02-2010, 06:49 PM   #248
blackchilli
Pooh-Bah
 
blackchilli's Avatar
 
Join Date: Aug 2009
Location: Hung myself on 29/06/2011
Posts: 5,027
Re: beat...literally.. wife busted me.. interntz porn history

Hmm I had an issue like this with my girlfriend of 7 years. She started working 3 jobs, part time in the morning and night, as well as tuition on the weekends because her dad is a chronic gambler and her mum shops waaay too much. She pays for her sister's allowance and all that (prada and gucci bags on 1.5k a month).

Ok anyway, basically from a twice a week thing it went to once a month and she felt she was never in the mood because she was stressed.

So...

1. I started cooking more often for her.
2. I try to talk to her more often to relieve her stress
3. I don't ask her for sex anymore. I just grab her whenever I can, toss her on my bed and do it. It made our relationship so much better.
blackchilli is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 05-02-2010, 06:49 PM   #249
Henry17
Carpal \'Tunnel
 
Henry17's Avatar
 
Join Date: Aug 2007
Location: You've got a friend in me
Posts: 27,716
Re: beat...literally.. wife busted me.. interntz porn history

Quote:
Originally Posted by prana View Post
If her needs aren't being met the answer isn't to tell him no porn. She should start by saying, "hey if you are that horny you are watching porn bang me more often because you obviously aren't picking up the hints I'm leavin that I'm wanting sexy time." Or something similar.
The problem is that she isn't in the mood and it is likely his fault. I obviously don't know OP but the hints are there. What we have learned is that she has a high stress and time demanding occupation and that OP still doesn't do anything about helping her around the house. I'm sure if we had access to a unbiased view of the relationship that it has been some time since he bought her lingerie or did something else to make her feel sexy. Girls are not like guys where you can just tug on our pants and we are naked and ready to go -- you need to put some effort into priming and very few guys do and then they complain that the girls they live with don't put out enough. So anyway not to digress into a what guys do wrong that leads to them not getting laid but my point is that he isn't doing the stuff he should do and then it would be upsetting to just see him taking care of his own needs.


Quote:
I think Henry is a huge outlier here.
While I know I'm an outlier but I think I'm closer to the norm than this daily masturbation is a human right mentality. I'm coming off a lot more anti-masturbation than I actually am simply as a reaction to the any women who has issues with me watching porn daily is neurotic. I don't enjoy masturbation but I wouldn't be on the wife's side is we were talking about something that was considerably less frequent. The new Maxim came and I got excited and was alone is very different than I do this four times a week and have a history of full of porn hits. The attitude in this topic though is that it is common, systematic, and frequent and that is what I find very strange
Henry17 is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 05-02-2010, 07:01 PM   #250
pongo
veteran
 
pongo's Avatar
 
Join Date: Nov 2008
Location: lol, woman
Posts: 2,812
Re: beat...literally.. wife busted me.. interntz porn history

i don't think daily masturbation is that strange for young men. And as long as it isn't eating into the time you need to get your other daily **** done, then what is really the problem? I mean, obviously there is an issue in this case, because the wife finds it to be one, but I don't think masturbating once a day is so often as to be considered abnormal or problematic.
pongo is offline   Reply With Quote

Reply
      

Thread Tools
Display Modes

Posting Rules
You may not post new threads
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is Off


Forum Jump


All times are GMT -4. The time now is 04:56 AM.


Powered by vBulletin®
Copyright ©2000 - 2021, Jelsoft Enterprises Ltd.
Copyright © 2008-2020, Two Plus Two Interactive