I have had more surgeries and medical procedures done in my lifetime than I can remember, but I have never felt worse than I do about one coming up.
This Friday my mother will have one of her fingers amputated due to a combination of Scleroderma
https://health.google.com/health/ref/Sclerodermaand Raynaud's
https://health.google.com/health/ref...99s+phenomenonand there isn't a damn thing I can do to prevent it. They have performed a couple of surgeries in the past few months trying to increase blood flow to the area and save it, but it just keeps getting worse. She called the doctor this morning to set up the surgery because she just can't take the pain anymore and wants it removed.
I know we all lose our parent's eventually, and that she isn't actually dying, but having to seriously consider my parent's mortality for the first time is really hitting me a lot harder than i ever thought it would. I just hope that when this is over and done with she can return to being some semblance of the strong, fun-loving, independent woman, she has always been.
I don't know what the point of this post is other than to let me vent, so thanks for letting me do so here.