I have lurked for awhile and think I had seen a similar thread or 2 but nonetheless I think this can be a valuable thread. I don't want to start off with a long story about my life (I will give cliffs below) but will give any details if asked.

I drank somewhat normally (but always heavily) til my mid-twenties. My alcoholism progressed due to my lifestyle and other factors and I became a non-functional drinker over the course of 3 years. I spent 3 years trying to get sober, relapsing, etc. My "rock bottom" was a 2 year period of jails, rehab, and general homelessness. I stole, lied, and eventually robbed people to keep my addiction/life going. I lived in parks, ****ty motels, drug dens, basically anywhere I could find. I had ~20 seizures due to alcohol withdrawals, asphyxiated once, and it's a medical miracle that I'm alive (not my words).

From the outside, I was a "success story" from early on until my mid-20's. Good grades, good at sports, popular, etc. I didn't grow up in an abusive household, and I am not crazy nor do I have any serious psychological disorders...besides what I would describe as having general above-average anxiety.

Anyways, that's it. I will answer anything. I am doing this because I truly was given a second chance at life, one that has turned out much better than I would have had believed was possible. I have this second chance ONLY because of other people's help, and I think this is a way to give back. Without admitting to being self-indulgent, I know there is therapeutic value in writing all this down, and that is another reason I am doing this. But I also think I can provide something valuable and maybe help someone.

Thanks!

worst thing youve done in the name of continuing your addiction?

I mean, I think you would have to apply how you measure morality in order to qualify what was "worst". There was just so much bad. I stole my dad's checkbook and tried to get as far as I could writing bad checks. I robbed complete strangers. I stole from friends. I would say one 'experience' that I feel is as bad as it gets was when (I would crash with girls for periods of time) a girl lost her apartment and then her job because of me being around both of them. She was trying to help me...I feel that's about as bad as anything.

How much a day were you drinking?

4-5 bottles of wine a day, or like 30-40 beers. i stuck with that stuff because i thought i could keep up the drinking throughout the day better that way

what turned you around?

i mean that can have so many answers. But the last time I drank, I woke up and there were 3 beers left from the night before. And as always i didnt really remember how the night ended, and as always i had the jitters and wanted to drink those last beers. But i hadnt gone THAT hard the night before, and i didnt feel THAT bad. And i just remember feeling like i had a big decision to make....that i was lucky that i hadnt hit it hard the night before, because if i was really hurting/withdrawing i would already be drinking those beers. But it felt like one big metaphor for how lucky i was - like, it was basically a crapshoot that i was even alive, and the only thing past present and future that i had control of was to either drink or not drink those first 3 beers that were sitting there. and i just knew if i drank those beers it was gonna be back in the sh*t again. And i was f*cking tired of being in the sh*t. After that it got easier by the day, I knew I was going to stay sober. And i had been sober before TONS of times - for a day, for a week, a month or 2...but i was just like ok i can do this. And i stayed sober. I guess i wish i had a better story - like, an epipany or some huge clouds-parting type moment...but thats it.

Actually the most useful advice, thru all the doctors, hospitals, rehabs that i had, was from another drunk outside a meeting one time. He said when i really wanted a drink i needed to get a bottle of club soda and put a lime in it and drink it. The effervescence and the zip in the drink hits that back part of your throat and it helped with that really wanting a drink. Was the best advice i ever got on staying sober ha. Rly helped in those first weeks

Did you ever use/abuse other drugs, illegal or legal?

I post on another forum filled with drug and alcohol abusers. What can I tell them besides Hugs Not Drugs and Crack Is Whack?

Just say 'no'.

How long have you been sober?

Do you have any long term health problems now due to drinking?

How did you go from drinking 'somewhat normally' to alcoholism? Was there some kind of catalyst after which you started drinking a lot more, or did you gradually slip from 'drink a few times a week' to 'drink every night' to 'drink throughout the day'?

I used everything. I was 'addicted' to coke and benzodiazepams, although I always ended up going to go back to alcohol. It was always the most appealing to me. Like I said I have anxiety and so consistent abuse of anything speedy never worked for me unless I was simultaneously drinking. I tried H a few diff times but never got into it enough to get addicted. I am 100% sure I would have if I would have kept going with it. Opiates always made me sick (thank the good lord).

I have to go to work but I will answer this later today; I obviously have a couple things to say on this matter

2+ years

None; again, just luck. Saw a lot of ppl my age with bad ones

How difficult is it to apologize to the ones you have hurt? Have you done so?

I think thats way more fascinating and compelling than any "I woke up with a dick in my mouth and knew it was time to stop" or "I felt the divine light of god" type stories. Like I will actually remember this story, where if it was one of those others it would just be another cliche id forget I ever heard.

Hey OP, glad you made the thread. I've posted about my struggles with alcoholism and addiction and it's been a good thing for me and hopefully for some other people.

I know alcoholics for whom recover primarily means "don't drink / don't use", and from your OP it sounds like that might be the case for you. For me, recovery has meant changing the way I think about almost everything. Has recovery changed you as a person or are you basically the same guy as before, just without alcohol and drugs?

I'll have a year in September, hit me up anytime!

Good luck and congrats on your Sobriety OP

I think it's too early to tell if you have no long term health problems. Hopefully you don't. Good luck with sobriety. I like to drink but only socially. I do binge at times but it's infrequent. JFC at you drinking 30-40 beers a day. What did you weigh, or were you purging much of it?

ask me anything about being a 30 year old fk up. I miss the days when ask me threads on here were opened by interesting people :/

How long were you able to go without drinking before you had a seizure? Did having your first seizure have any effect on you or did you just go straight back to drinking the next day?

I remember watching intervention years ago about Lawrence Ryan, the millionare tanning salon guy out of Vegas who drank a liter of Vodka or more per day, and had seizures all the time. Ultimately he died at like 34 from esophagael bleeding. I never knew stuff like that could even happen, especially so young. Glad you're better now and this isn't your fate

Varying degrees of difficulty. i want to make it clear that there will be no "poor me" stuff in this thread....that being said the guilt, shame, and remorse part of this whole process is at least as difficult as the not drinking/doing drugs. The actual making amends is not so difficult because its a purging of sorts, you have these terrible things in your head THAT YOU DID, and it feels good to apologize for them. It doesnt mean those feelings go away - i still get drunk dreams, albeit less. The 'tougher' part is dealing with people's reactions. They say in the meetings that once you make that amend, you are released from its burden, but it doesnt really work like that. Firstly, you have lied to so many people for so long, a lot of people just arent going to believe you. Then some ppl are just over it and are probably thankful for you being out of their lives. I definitely was overzealous in the beginning in my apologies. I made a mass fb message about a year in and sent it to a bunch of people, and i think that was a leak. A one-night stand or someone who knew you for a week dont need to read a novel describing your experiences, struggles, how it wasnt you, and how much better you have gotten. The majority of people, though, have been just amazingly considerate, forgiving, and kind considering the sample size i gave some of them. Now i have come to tems more with everything. But yeah - the apologizing itself isnt so bad, and its (sometimes) rewarding. It helps you get it out of your head. As for the second question, I think I have apologized properly to about 50% of the people I intend to.