Time of day is important. Swing shift (usually) gets off at 1am. So, if you show up at 7pm her mind is going to be on her money for the next 5 hours or so. That's a lot of time for her to forget about you, get tired, find a better date, etc... What are you going to do? Sit there for five hours waiting for her to get off? You look desperate. You're getting drunk. You're running out of money. You're better off starting your night at midnight. You're fresh. You've got money. You're trying to get your night going and she's just about to get off work and do the same. Why not have a drink with this guy?

Again, if your goal is to get laid then you're going to struggle. If your goal is to drink, gamble, and have a good time then you'll attract girls who want to do the same.

My uncle gave me the best advice on deer hunting, "Where ever you don't want to go, that's where they are." You have to think like a deer.

I feel dirty talking about my girls this way but really they want to party just as much as guys do.

The key is not to be a creeper. Creeps are all about themselves. Do you like my new cologne? I like your shoes sugar tits. Non-creepy guys are about meeting new people and having fun.

This one little hottie I work with gets off one night and sits at my bar. She loves to drink and gamble and meet new people. Twenty something, super cute, little aerobics body. Total bad ass though. I ask her if she's ready for another drink. She says, "You see those guys over there, BA?" Four dudes on the corner of the bar have been staring at her. "I think they want my little pussy!" She starts yelling, "I think the want to **** my little PUSSY!" I look at the guys a little embarrassed. Three of them have turned around and walked away. The fourth guy looks at me and says, "How do you put up with this ****?!"

That's my little sister, bro.

Oh, wow. Yeah, maybe. I had to look that one up. My only drugs of choice now are caffeine, nicotine and alcohol. I'm out of the loop. I guess I need to start doing more street drugs.

Hooker stories. Hooker stories are tough. Encounters are few and far between for me. Management/security has squashed most of that at the bars. At least, where I've worked. It's just too obvious for them to sit at the bar, not gambling, sipping water. They can sit the multi-denominational machines on the floor, playing penny slots, and attract less attention.

I will say that I've heard tons of stories about guys getting rolled. She chats you up for a while, she says she has to go, gives you her number. She comes back later, My car won't start, Can you give me a jump? Don't go to the ****ing garage.

A buddy of mine was in town. He loves the Strat for some reason. I leave my car at Caesars and take a cab up there. We drink and play machines at the bar. Doing shot's. There's this girl at the bar. She looks ****ing sixteen. I'm still in bartender mode and I'm thinking no way she's of age. Dude, cards her and she keeps drinking and playing.

Fat old man rolls up and starts running his game. Five minutes. They get up to leave. She's wearing a full length dress. My buddy says, "See, that's a brides maid dress. She's here for a wedding." I'm like $20 says she's back here by herself in less than 30 minutes. Booked. She's back in 15 minutes.

Another John, another John, and now we're discussing the finer strategy points of dressing like a prom queen to turn tricks. It's got the jail bait angle working with the back up excuse of I just got out of a wedding. Anyway, she was making money.

The bartenders are getting off work. They're sweeping the bar and I say, "Twenty bucks says these guys come right back and start stuffing these machines full of money." Booked. Profit.

My friend eventually has enough and I walk him to the elevators. I'm wasted. I go to pull my phone out of my pocket and my switch blade comes out with it. It pops open when it hits the floor. My whole life freezes. I snatch it up and stuff it in my pocket. My buddy, "What the **** was that?" Nothing. I dropped my knife. I'll call you tomorrow.

I catch a cab back to Caesars. They must have dropped me off at the valet entrance. I'm stumbling towards the doors and James Woods comes racing out. I'm lighting a cigarette and I mumble, "Hey, you're James Woods?" He shoots me with a finger gun and winks as he slips into a limo that rushes off. I turn around and say, "Call me?" I'm laughing to myself. That was a good line and no one heard it. A bicycle cop has rolled up to me. "Sir, are you bleeding?"

I was working a wedding with my boy Dave. This big diva (pushing 300) had come to the bar and gotten a Strawberry Daiquiri. He leans over to me and says, "I hope WE didn't pop the bubble there. I'm afraid all of these bitches are going to want one of those." The wedding party was huge.

Between songs I jump on the bar and yell, "Ladies! Do you know who makes the best Strawberry Daiquiris in Las Vegas!?" The diva is like, you do? I answer, "DAVE Does! Come and get'em!"

I'ts 5:30PM and it's the third time I've tried to get out of bed. Water. Aspirin. Coffee. I drink a cold beer in the shower and I'm moving. I scavenge my house for loose change while I do the triathlon of S.I.P.A. I.P.A. and D.I.P.A. Eighteen bucks and I feel so strong.

Anything can happen in this town. Any damn thing. I've seen it. I've seen homeless people hit seven spots for seven grand. I've seen Mom's hit dollar royals on their last twenty and save their Christmas.It can happen to me. I feel like Iron Man.

I have four cigarettes. I start my walk to the casino. I call. ****, I can't remember what her name was. I had been ****ing her for a couple of weeks. Her man worked day shift and just wasn't around. Pretty innocent really. We just hung out after work. Heavy drinkers, though. Both of us. One night, I'm trying to be so cool through this heavy drunk, "Hey, I know we have this sexual tension going on..." She just mauls me on my bar stool. The bartender. You need to go.

So, meet me at the casino. She shows up. She lights a smoke kisses me. I've only got $15 in the machine. You only have fifteen dollars? I have $10 free play? **** you I ditched my man for this. Drama. My man behind the bar is looking at me like BA? She storms off.

I start my free play. Five spot for $200. I text her, "Hey, just hit for $200. COME BACK!"
I start playing 6 spots. Six spot for four hundred. "Don't fight with me? I'm drunk. I'm up $600. COME BACK PLEASE?!"

"I'm going to play poker. Text me when you get this. I'll be here." Shot and a beer, shot and a beer, shots and I'm wasted. I'm playing 1/2. I double up. I double up again. I'm stumbling my way back from the ****ter and poker manager says, "BA, you need to go, right?" I need to go. I go back to the bar. I don't know where I'm at... up $1400 from ten dollars freeplay?

Bitch you need to get your ass over here. I"m ****ed! Ride please?

Dollar four card keno maxed out. Six spots. Bang bang bang bang busto.

I check my phone.

My bartender asks, "You're not driving home right?" I stumble to my feet and empty my pockets. He gives me thirty bucks and calls valet to let them know I'm on my way. I Tip valet a fin for hailing my cab. He has a ****ing Yankees hat on. The cab driver.

We start rolling. The fair is too short. "It's a ten dollar tip from me easy..." He's still bitching. I tell him to pull the **** over if he doesn't want it. He can't it's against the law. Stop light. I jump out. "Hey man, you can't do that!" It's against the law.

I'm standing on the corner yelling, "Call the cops!" I will. "Get out of the cab mother ****er!"

I feel so strong. I want this guy to step out so bad. I want him to just make a move so I can pull him out and just let it all go. I want to break my hand against his face and light is cab on fire. I want to rip my shirt off and scream like a mad man. I want to kill every man I've ever met and light this city on fire.

"I'll beat your dumb ass in front of all these people!" He's looking at me. "The Yankee's won't win a game all year!"

He's just looking at me. "You Red Sox fans are all ****ing crazy." He pulls away in traffic.

I stumble home and check my phone. "Are you still at the poker room?"

Damn BA.

Is there a way for me to live this kind of life without the alcoholism?

Degen Stories is in BBV.

bro please **** off

Word. Let the gentleman do his thing sir

The people with the syringe, where would that have gone? Would the mark have woken up in an icy bathtub with one or both kidneys missing?

I really don't know.

The thing that got me was, the guy just came back to the bar and ordered a drink. He didn't ask anybody for help. Before security got there I was just standing across from him on the other side of the bar. He's looking down at his drink and I'm looking him over. Is he lying? He can't be lying. He's been in a scrape, you can see it. Something happened. He looks up at me and I kind of shrug, "She had huge ****ing tits man."

You're depriving yourself and the world of a lot by not writing a book or maintaining a blog on this. A+ thread

bro please **** off

Entertaining writing, any good stories about cutting people off? Tales of counterfeit notes, or other attempts to scam the house for booze?

Tough gig for an alchi, I can relate all too well take care of yourself BA

Lol.

Your writing style seems a bit exaggerated in a slightly annoying way, but some great stories so far please keep them coming

how much do you make on average?

do you get any sort of cool benefits?

i once lived with a bartender and on his nights off, we would go to bars where he was friends with other bartenders and we would drink for free (we would tip ofc). do you not do this in vegas? is it common/uncommon for that to be normal?

awesome thread, thanks for the stories

The sentence about keno didn't make sense to me. Are you saying you blew through $1400 playing Keno in an hour or two?

Four card keno can be a heartless bitch.

Really easy on keno machines. If I'm not mistaken you can spin through $16 or so every few seconds if you're playing 4 card.

+1

Great thread. More stories about crazy women pls.

I love this line, even though I don't really care about winning men over.