At this point my motivation for playing is the the same as that of any other Joe Shmoe with the poker dream: finanical freedom while "self employed", making more than with 9to5 (not a huge amount more realistically, but more).
But I feel like I need to accept that this is just a fantasy at this point because I don't enjoy the process any more, not even a little bit. When I log in to start grinding, I feel like I'm there because I want to win big pots that session and anything less is just huge annoyance and frustration. It's embarrassing to admit but even when I have a stretch of obvious preflop folds it annoys me to have to fold because if I'm folding I'm not winning big pots. When I play even 200 hands BE or losing slightly it makes me want to get the f*** away from the computer and do something else. Those feelings are naturally amplified when I start losing buyins. I get no satisfaction from the process of playing and thinking about strategy and playing the hand right and focusing on decisions. I just want results now and if I don't get them it just makes me not want to play. It's like I'm just flat out of any patience whatsoever for results coming in the long term. Losing 5 BIs over 5k hands is bordering on torture when it didn't use to be like this.
Can anyone relate to this? I would do anything to be able to flip a switch and enjoy poker and be passionate about it, but the feeling has been gone for a long time. It's hard for me to accept that it's time to give up, but it seems like that's the reality whether I like it or not...
Does anyone have any words of wisdom for someone in my position?

Yes. Quit. You are not enjoying it and you are losing. Just quit. Come back maybe if it starts being fun or you can win.

I mean, if you can't even enjoy it at this point . . . it's your life. Spend your time the way you want to. No one cares whether you quit poker today; it's just your ego keeping you in the game at this point. I am on a big downswing/BE stretch and while I hate my results, I still enjoy playing.

Try live poker if you can (what I do). At least there's a social aspect to it not found online.

I doubt professional poker players enjoy the grind anymore than pro day traders enjoy day trading. The truth is that grinding poker is just ****ing boring.

Right now you're still results oriented. You need those degen tingles to have fun. After many, many hands, you start to get numb to the money. Winning/losing huge pots goes from Woo!/Boo! to ehh/meh.

If you play enough zoom you'll often stop paying attention to whether or not you even won the pot; just moving on to the next hand in a zombie-like trance. Such is the nature of the grind.

Something that helped me was diving into the game theory and trying to understand the game on a more fundamental level. I discovered a site called RangeVsRange which basically let's you play with ranges instead of hole cards, so it's less about trying to win huge pots and more about trying to play a good overall strategy. I also picked up the book Modern Theory of Poker which has a lot of interesting theory. And I joined a few discord groups where I can socialize with other players.

There's more to poker than simply grinding. Try to find some enjoyment in the meta.

See ya in a couple of weeks.

If you don't enjoy poker and you are losing money... just quit.

No need to torture yourself if you are not enjoying it.

I've lost money over the last 10k hands I played yes.
I find "avoid work because you don't like it" a poor argument, bordering on trolling. Serious responses only please.

I think if you are losing but you enjoy the game, or enjoy the improvement and learning that's one thing. If you don't even enjoy playing and learning, I don't understand why you would do that unless you are making money

Avoid poker if you don't like it, it's a voluntary activity.

If your purpose for playing is to pay the bills, it's just a job. Get a different job if you don't like this one.

If I made a thread going 'I hate my accounting job, it's so boring, yes it pays the bills but I'm not enjoying it' and then people suggest I get a different job to pay the bills with, that's not trolling, it's constructive feedback.