Hi guys,

First time asking a question in here for a very long time.

I'm not new to poker, but I am new to bereavement. As things stand, I'm very keen to play poker (I've not played a session in a couple of months) as a means to distract me, but there are two things which are holding me back:

1) The NHS advises against gambling in this context. However, I don't think I've ever really played poker to gamble so much as to compete intellectually.
2) I'm not sure what the impact on my mental state, and therefore ability to play well, would be.

Any advice on either of these factors, or anything else, would be really appreciated.

Joe

The fact that you are cognizant enough to question wether or not playing in a time of bereavement is healthy tells me that you are probably safe. People turn to hobbies as a means to cope with hard times. If poker is primarily a mental exercise as opposed to a gambling venture, I would suspect that the risk of problem gambling associated with playing during such times is quite low for you.

As for your mental state: only you can know that. If you have a strong mental game you should be fine. However, you might consider a stop-loss just in case. “I’ll play 3BIs and see how my mental state is and honestly evaluate my play.” The fact that you’re asking these questions indicates to me that you have the self-awareness to say “nope, I’m not playing well, time to pack up.” If you were delusional about your state, I’d advise against it.

All in all, I think that if you have funds available that can be lost you should be safe to try, so long as you can honestly evaluate your mental state and your game in light of your circumstances.


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Thank you. That's very helpful.

Ive suffered a loss as well, and to be perfectly honest, going to the casino is one thing keeping me sane.

I'm not trying to win money, im trying to forget, and not worried about chasing losses, i take what im willing to lose and leave when its gone or im tired.

I go for a few hours and zone out.
Occasionally something will remind me of him and i start to tear up, so i may have to go to the bathroom and cry in one of the stalls for a little, but thats ok.

Its better than sitting at home overwhelmed with memories.

I don't know if that helps OP, its just my life right now.


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Grief counseling is extremely valuable. Consider a therapist who specializes in this area. Also, everyone mourns differently. But some professional input could help lessen your pain even while you get your distraction through poker.

I have been in the same boat for years. I suffered a personal trauma five years ago and picked up poker, first bar poker, then low stakes cash (even though I couldn't afford it at first). Still riding that train - to the bank now.

Good things can come from the bad, you never know where life can take you over a short span of time. Five years ago I could hardly get out of bed, and now I am sitting on a six-figure bankroll making around $10k/mo. from poker, and have a great day job. Good luck.

You are asking yourself good questions, but we are all individuals and it's hard to believe that someone else's personal experience will apply to you. It could actually be the opposite that applies. All I can say is that in your situation I would go fishing instead of playing poker. It fits much better with the grieving process to be outside, breathing fresh air surrounded by nature and still involved in something that requires your attention and gives your brain a reward from time to time, just like poker. Fishing is a safe, cheap and healthy hobby.

sorry for your loss, mate.

100% agree with I_lose. You are asking the right questions. I would personally recommend having a stop-loss as I use this method all the time. I have something going on with my dad, and I find this stop-loss really works well for me. I do 3-5 BI's, evaluate how I feel and make my decisions based on that. It's nice to keep your mind occupied on other things for a little while and give yourself a little time, for you.

Different things work for different people. Personally, I don't think it's about trying to forget (or healthy to do so). Suppressing your emotions for a little while is okay, but you will eventually have to deal with the loss. When you find that you get to that point, grief counselling really helps as DumbosTrunk said.

I've been on both sides of this coin. I suppressed my feelings when my Grandma passed away and found that I was trying to deal with it many years later, by not really making good choices (trying to fill the void with food). It's taken me years to deal with that, but I'm happy to say, I no longer struggle with that. Other people turn to things worse, and some of those things can have irreversible effects on them for the rest of their lives.

It doesn't make it better, but it does get easier and memories are great things to hold onto.

Sending you my thoughts guys, and I'm really sorry for your loss.

Hi TDA, don't know if you remember me but you were one of the first people to give me real poker lessons, and my name is also Joe. I'm very sorry for your loss. As far as your question, you know the game arguably as well as any poster on the site, you know what constitute good and bad decisions, and I remember many a post of yours about how you considered poker intellectual competition. I'm not worried about you at a poker table in the least, and as long as you believe in yourself, you will eventually not worry yourself either. GL and HF.

I would probably only play small stakes where the money doesn't matter to me if I was in your situation, even more so if I was prone to tilt. The last thing you want is to be tilted if you are already feeling down.

Just my 2cents.