Quote:
Originally Posted by ElevenGrover
I am interested and willing to entertain changes to the structure but I need good clear thinking for why something isn't working. ie it needs to be more than tl;dr. It is a very complicated case that stretches over several years, countries, companies and people. In the film we boil it down to about 7 or 8 companies for instance but there are well over 30 involved companies that could have shown up. So, help me understand where you go off the rails.
OK, I watched it and I loved it. I offer the following comments in a spirit of improvement, recognizing that what I suggest probably isn't remotely doable, but it might still give you some things to bear in mind.
- I loved the movie *but* I've been following this story very closely for the last however many years. I suspect that someone who isn't as immersed in it as we are wouldn't make it past the first 15 minutes or so. I know someone said they watched it with their girlfriend, but my wife would kick my ass if I made her sit down and watch something like this.
- Why? Because it's too complicated, too technical and insufficiently character driven. OK, the characters are in there and *we* get that story because we know them -- we know their backstory. But you don't really show any of that in the film.
- So, who are these people? Why do we care about them? Why do we care what happened to them? What were they doing before this happened? You do do some of this, but you do it primarily through exposition and talking heads. Show, don't tell.
- Other people have already made the point that the stuff about the companies is too convoluted, and because of that, the point you're making is obscured. I realize that there's a lot of effort gone into researching and reporting this aspect of the story, but it's really one of those 'murder your darlings' things. If it doesn't advance the story, if it doesn't keep the viewer hooked, you need to find a way to simplify it or lose it altogether.
Someone else has already made the point that this is research for a book, and I think that shows. It would work much better as a book because you can go through the material at a more leisurely pace, provide charts and footnotes, etc. You also aren't as constrained by length/format.
I also think that the film does a perfect job of addressing the core audience -- the 2+2 reader who's followed the story from the start. We'd be pissed off if we didn't get all that detail. And it may be that that's all that you wanted to achieve. It may be that you have no interest in making the story more accessible to a general audience. If so, ignore the above.
I'd also like to say what a great job so many of the talking heads did in your film. Stand-out interviews: Todd Wittles. Noah S-D, Matasow, Brad Booth, Trambopoline, Josem and Nat Arem. Even Mason was wonderful -- looking awkward as ever.
But I do think you needed to cut down on the number of talking heads. Fewer characters, more backstory! Again, I understand the dilemma you faced here. If you left anyone out, 2+2 would be up in arms. But for a general audience, it's just too many people, too many talking heads.
Despite all that, I loved it. Very well done.