Use headphones..


Even if you dont want to listen music.

A few years ago I was at the Excalibur playing in the 2-6 spread game and an older gentleman came riding in on one of those Rascal scooters. Either he did something or the scooter malfunctioned, because all of a sudden the scooter shot out from underneath him. He flew off the back and landed on the floor while the scooter went accross the room and hit an empty table. As soon as the floorman had made sure the guy was OK, the cards were back in the air.

That's a hell of an angle shoot.

OMG ^^^ That must of been freaking surreal to see.

An excerpt from a trip report a few years back... a bit long, but... ye gads...

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Later that night, I’m waiting for my friend to get in, I told him to find me in the poker room. I’m just sitting there, Minding my own business in a 3-6 game, some guy starts talking about something and asks me what I do and like a fool I tell him and now he wants to discuss the criminal mind with me. General BS, nurture v. nature, can some people be fixed or are some hopeless. We are blathering away, me in the 7 seat, other guy in the 9 seat, when the young Asian kid in the 10 seat interrupts.

“Can I just say something sir?”

“Sure” I shrug, mildly alarmed at the aggressive politeness.

“They are possessed by demons and only Jesus can save them.”

I nod. I then continue the last answer to the other guy, who really wants me to tell him it is alright to bang the chick that he caught stealing from him because she can learn to be honest and he can tell she really loves him... which is in and of itself an alarming conversation, But the poor kid has this tortured look about him.

“Can I say something else sir?”

“Well... sure.”

“I think that anyone can be saved, but the only way to do it is by accepting Jesus and turning yourself over to His will.”

“Does that help with mango addiction?’

“Huh?”

This goes in circles for a few minutes. The one guy is talking about types of criminal personalities and the kid’s face keeps getting more and more intense as he throws in more comments about Jesus. He’s no longer paying attention to the game at all. The dealer has to remind him every time it is his turn and he just throws chips in. His delays and the fact that he wins four huge pots with complete trash hands has the other end of the table at near mutiny. He fixes me with a earnest glare and asks me “Do you think I’m insane?”

“I kinda do now.”

“Why?”

“Well.... because you asked.”

He got even more anxious. Still tossing in chips whenever the dealer prompted him, not so lucky now.

He starts asking me about law school. He attends one in the Ivy League. I smile and say something like “Well, don’t feel bad. Not everyone can get into WVU.”

This is when he explains to pretty much everyone that he had sex with a fifteen year old girl and he’s worried about getting in trouble. Apparently he told his entire law school class about it and “now they think I’m weird.”

I mean, does this happen in 20-40 games?

At some point he asked me if I would say anything about his little problem because he was going into politics. Before I can answer someone else asks if he has any other secrets. Apparently nothing but his serious drug use and some hookers.

Then my friend shows up. Good thing.

I was playing in a 10-20 holdem game several years ago. This 20 something regular was playing loose as usual and was down about 600$ in 3 hours. I started to have a conversation about his work and family ect.... he asked me if I am maried and I told him I was not. the conversation went on and on about how having a wife sucks ect.....

About 20 minutes later this young (very hot) chick walks up to the table opens her purse, pulls out a stun gun and procedes to shock this guy in the neck, pulls him out of his chair and shoves the stun gun to his nuts and shocks him while puching him in the face. This chick was bad ass!! security got there and tackled her when she tried to run. This guy was crying like a btch and went to the hospital.

2 weeks latter he was playing again and told me that he couldnt get it up anymore and probably f'd him up for life. Moral to the story... dont cheat on a crazy btch with a stungun.... lmfao

/thread

I asked a dealer about strange poker stories and she told me that one night after a really bad beat a player stood up, dropped his pants, and proceeded to spray the entire pot and cards with urine.

He was promptly grabbed by security and banned from the casino.

i raise 14 cigarettes and a hollowed out bible.

there was a segment on "ask jack" on CP tv where he said this is binding even in a cash game.

Yeah ... these crazy old guys spill their drinks in their own laps all the time and they don't even notice!

Do you even know what a schizo is?

This...

I just burst out laughing in a very, very, very awkward setting. Thank you.

[x] funniest **** ive ever read

I actually LOLed at this really hard, way more than all the others. And the reason I did occurred to me after I stopped laughing: I actually could picture myself doing this if I were playing in a place I didn't care about my reputation. The punishment would be minimal, but the story would be legendary.

wtf? i can't even go with other people watching let alone stand up at a poker table and pee all over the felt

OMG you've got to be kidding me.

One time I was at a table, and this grizzled old guy who worked for a tow truck company (he was still wearing his uniform) was showing off a fancy pen he had. Another player asked, "that's a nice pen, where'd you get it?" His reply: "I got it off of some n**ger I helped today. HAW HAW HAW"

The table's reaction was silence.

Was it Bill Fillmaff? He's been known to do such things

At this point I really thought the pen was going to end up in someone's neck ala Goodfellas.

FYP

At buffalo run casino in miami,ok, we were trying to get a 2/5 HO mix game running about 6 months back. The guy that was the one who wanted to get the game started in the first place ended up having to leave like RIGHT when the game was starting, so he takes his entire (~500$) stack, distributes it to me and 5 other guys, and leaves.

Isn't it bad form to spalsh the pot?

A young Vietnamese gangsta type was playing at my table with one of his buddies. He was trying to act tough an running aggressive loudly at the table. He was bragging about how good he was running and that no one could beat his game.

Suddenly his face went white and he scooped up as many chips as he could fit in his track suit and jumped out of his seat.

I tracked his eyes and just to my right a small elderly Vietnamese lady started yelling at him in native tongue as her purse narrowly missed his head.

He moved fast and ran out of the card room with the lady in hot pursuit.

We all sat there stunned except for his buddy who had busted out laughing.

I asked him, "what was that lady yelling?"

He said, "That's his mother-in-law and she is pissed because he blew the mortgage gambling again"