Quote:
Originally Posted by epcfast
Shane - since entering this thread have you changed your opinion on your drug use at all?
I don't think you'll like my vague answer: this thread has cemented my conviction that rational dialogue is the only way to garner truth from the outmoded way of thinking that defines our attitude about drugs and, by extension, life. I just see behavior and drug use as an interesting canvas on which to draw an understanding of life.
My "opinions" and "feelings" on drugs do not matter at all, especially when faced with the reality that my own thinking is not necessarily critical or objective enough when it comes to assessing behavior in relation to substance abuse. For instance, I blamed alcohol on problems I had in relationships before, when now it seems obvious to me that alcohol abuse was just part of the symptom of underlying chaos or dysfunction.
My opinions/feelings on drugs constantly change and evolve. I have been interested in the subject since the first time I got stoned and arguably before that, when I wondered why those kids on W 96th were smoking a joint. Why would they do that? My clarinet teacher was an orchestral musician who used his lungs to make sounds from an instrument and he was also the hardest, heaviest smoker I have ever seen. He told me "cigarettes are the best drug, they bring you up when you're down and pick you up when you're down."
Natural Mind by Andrew Weill, and a large sample of observation and experimentation, confirmed my hunch that using drugs is normal human behavior documented in every human civilization that ever existed, but it's taken 20 years of exploration since then to advance untangling the mystery. Thankfully we have the internet now, so we can efficiently deepen intellectual understanding across many platforms and methodologies.
But if you look back to the conclusion of the piece I wrote for NYPress after the psychotic breakdown, my message is fairly consistent to how I feel today: there's a power to the human mind that is greater than any substance or hospital, and it's worth tapping into that to find clarity rather than merely "surrendering" to whatever system someone is trying to funnel you into.
I started smoking crack that first time in 1999 when I was still an outpatient at St. Lukes on the UWS after the breakdown, and a week after I stopped smoking it, I told my social worker, who was dumbfounded. I still remember the look on her face as she said, "I feel like I don't know how to do my job."
No offense lady, but you probably don't.
Last edited by shaniac; 03-24-2014 at 08:19 PM.