First of all, I just want to say I hope that the mods do not delete this thread just because it might not seem "good for the game" or +EV for the poker world for these posts to be seen/read. This is almost like a therapeutic/closure type of thing for me and if I'm posting in the wrong section please redirect me but do not delete this please.

I have been playing poker since Spring 2015 almost non-stop from USA on ACR and Ignition casino. I have played live but where I live in Minnesota there's only two decent casinos around so I go to those two quite a bit as well but have probably put in 500k+ hands online and maybe 1,000 hours live. I've been playing A LOT these last few years. I also played way back in the day 2006-2008 but then didn't play at all until 2015 for other reasons (I didn't even know about Black Friday when I started playing in 2015 I tried to jump on Full Tilt first thing lol).

Its been a wild ride. I got to go to Punta Cana in 2016 when I won a satellite package for about $7,000 with entry into Main Event and $3,500 High Roller off ACR. I got 2nd place in the big Sunday tourney on ACR for $19,000 and then lost it all back to the site I played good, great, and awful at times. I hated it and loved it.

At the end of these 3.5 of non-stop grinding, I don't feel like a better person after playing all of these hours. I don't feel like I connected with the people I met. I don't feel like I have been taking care of my mental and emotional life at all. I just don't feel good about myself as a person. The people I see at the casinos and playing online are generally toxic and unhappy people except those who do not play often and do other things with their lives. The hardcore grinders are mainly miserable and everyone knows it. I am miserable and broke to be honest but try to make my friends believe I'm living the good life off this poker stuff. Truth is, I am not. I am not happy and I am broke.

Maybe some people are better at this game than me or have better people skills to get into big soft games in Vegas, but either way... I know in my heart that I will be happier without poker. I quit for about a month in Nov. this year and was happiest I've been in 3.5 years.

I admit I have an addictive personality and that some people can play this game and not become obsessed and let it ruin their life, but I am not one of those types. I am an all or nothing type of person. If I want a hobby, I will find something that I cannot lose money doing and that is not depressing a significant amount of the time to partake in.

I want to do things with my life that are symbiotic. I am helping others while benefiting myself. You do not get that in poker, it is 100% self-interested (zero sum game). I am sick of it. I want to help people, not take from others. I want to enjoy life. I want to be outside and be in nature and connect with God again (call me crazy if you want but I know God is real). Poker is taking from me while I try to take from others. Only a tiny amount of people really "make it" as a poker pro. I am not one of those people.

Its possible I might play a tournament or two here every year or two but I know how addictive my personality is and I cannot manage the swings emotionally. I need to quite this game indefinitely. If I can have a good time playing a juicy tournament once or twice a year maybe starting in 2020 I might do that. If I never play this game again I think I will be happier and live a more productive life.

Thank you for reading my post. I am not trying to be a hater or rude to those who still want to play, but I truly feel that I cannot be happy if I continue to play this game regularly. So many other things I can put my energy and emotion into other than trying to take money from others. There is so much more to life and I'm sad I wasted as much time as I did on this game although I hope that it will somehow work out for the good.

How much did you lose?

No relitarding in NVG.

I enjoyed reading your post.. Thanks, for posting it and keeping it real ..

- Best of luck in your future endeavors.

All in all? I have no idea. It doesn't matter anymore, I just don't want to do something where I CAN lose. I want to do something where everyone wins. Symbiotic. Maybe I suck at poker I don't know but I cannot make a living off of it.

LOL.

Always amazing how people come up with all the "don't try to hide this" stuff when anyone can see thousands of posts all across our forums that speak negatively about all different poker sites, and online poker in general. But maybe your single anonymous post will be so damaging to our site that we'll have to delete it.

It could well be in the wrong place. I don't think it's bad here, as this is something of a "View", but the NVG mods might feel differently.

One thing I can say for sure - if they feel it merits deletion for some reason, your plea to not delete wouldn't change that.

Back to the topic of your thread - good for you. Sounds like you definitely should quit; hopefully you can stick to that.

nobody knows nor will ever know if god is real

Thank you, I appreciate that Bruce!

Its called faith, if you have faith, you will be able to believe. If you do not have faith, you cannot believe in something.

Keep doing this and your thread will be closed almost for sure.

Okay I appreciate the feedback. I hope they don't delete it, I looked through the subgroups and felt this one made the most sense. I'm not a 2+2 reg I forgot my login for my account but this is the spot for the poker world so I wanted to post here where I know it will actually be read.

Yes, I hope I can stick to it also and thank you for the encouragement/understanding.

Thanks for reminding me how toxic the poker community is. I could care less. I'll say what I want, freedom of speech. You honestly have nothing better to do? Go to another post.

I'm reminding you of NVG policy and how that gets your thread closed if you continue to do so. You insisted on begging to not have this thread closed so I tried helping you out.

You're welcome.

At least speak right. "Couldn't care less".

Bye.

Your first comment referring to my one-line about God as "relitarding" shows me right there your attitude. Now you try to act like I'm the dbag, okay, you're a toxic person go away.

Thank you for the productive comment and reminding me of the quality people I will miss out on in if I quit poker. Goodbye.

I could care less. I'll say what I want, freedom of speech.

Its funny how when I try to write a healthy post about making a positive life decision all the toxic people come out of the woodwork to try and slime me. Just go away bud, go do something productive with your life. Clearly you needed to hear something in my post but the negative side of you is resisting change. That's your fault.

I read your post and I'm still confused as to why you are leaving.

I quit poker everyday, then I wake up and get back to donating. Follow my example, be a man don't be a quitter. Only quitters quit!

Good luck, op. Thanks for writing and posting this.

I have a strong feeling that after we die we will know 100%

Prove it. Sources links?

OP, I enjoyed your post. Agree with most of it. Hope you got some closure.

there is good in poker and there is bad in poker.

he'll be back.