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Old 06-21-2008, 02:02 PM   #1
KING$TER
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Talking FUNNIEST THING YOU HEARD OR SAW LIVE/ONLINE

Online

While playing a MTT on Pokerstars a friend of mine asked why i didnt just keep switching seats by clicking "Sit Here" to avoid the blinds, pissed myself.

Live

Was playing A £1-£2 game, bloke went all in for £325 after getting re-raised pre flop, but while doing this was on the phone with his girlfriend giving it some lovey dovey. He turned ova AA, other guy had JJ, guy with aces carried on talking to his girlfriend in a sweet manner, till, that is, a Jack on the river appeared, and he absolutly flipped! Telling his girlfriend that he DOESNT F'IN KNOW WHEN HE WILL BE F'IN HOME, then told her to F'OFF hung up, said sorry to all at the table then calmly reloaded. Thats love 4 ya
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Old 06-22-2008, 05:53 AM   #2
SmokeyJ
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Re: FUNNIEST THING YOU HEARD OR SAW LIVE/ONLINE

wat
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Old 06-22-2008, 06:01 AM   #3
I Gotta Push
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Re: FUNNIEST THING YOU HEARD OR SAW LIVE/ONLINE

Quote:
Originally Posted by SmokeyJ View Post
wat
Online

While playing a MTT on Pokerstars a friend of mine asked why i didnt just keep switching seats by clicking "Sit Here" to avoid the blinds, pissed myself.

Live

Was playing A £1-£2 game, bloke went all in for £325 after getting re-raised pre flop, but while doing this was on the phone with his girlfriend giving it some lovey dovey. He turned ova AA, other guy had JJ, guy with aces carried on talking to his girlfriend in a sweet manner, till, that is, a Jack on the river appeared, and he absolutly flipped! Telling his girlfriend that he DOESNT F'IN KNOW WHEN HE WILL BE F'IN HOME, then told her to F'OFF hung up, said sorry to all at the table then calmly reloaded. Thats love 4 ya
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Old 06-22-2008, 06:07 AM   #4
Kirbynator
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Re: FUNNIEST THING YOU HEARD OR SAW LIVE/ONLINE

Once it was a sunny day lol pretty birds on my shoulders hahaha but anyway yeah my brother and I were playing with friends but theyre not very good one of them has herpes and i told him oh isnt that lovely and they are better than my brother but i am slightly better than him and i shot two of them in the face

Last edited by Kirbynator; 06-22-2008 at 06:14 AM.
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Old 06-22-2008, 06:13 AM   #5
Khod
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Re: FUNNIEST THING YOU HEARD OR SAW LIVE/ONLINE

The live story is quite funny I think
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Old 06-22-2008, 06:24 AM   #6
PropPlayer
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Re: FUNNIEST THING YOU HEARD OR SAW LIVE/ONLINE

A serious reply:

Live:
I'm playing Stud at Foxwoods in the old poker room when the Stud tables where out into the non smoking casino. All of a sudden I hear a woman scream.. see I told ya you "coc sukn mthrfkr" and many other things like that to follow while she kept swinging he pocketbook at it. He starts walking away and just shouts out SFU Bythch... the funniest part was when she yelled.. that was all the $ we had for food - he's like "I'm sorry I had a dream we won big and thought we should try it out".. The real kicker is when they continued to argue and announced to the 75 people now staring at them this entire fight was over $40 she she yelled "that was the last $40 we had for the rest of the month" and he says something about if she didn't spend so much $ on icecream maybe they could afford to play slots once in a while.. at this point she decked him again with the pocketbook then trampled the guy swinging away and security broke it up and cops were there shortly after LOL.. it was freaking hilarious.. no dealer was even dealing because every player had stopped acting to watch this huge scene, and the jokes for the rest of the day about it being the last $40 and wtf i need to stop spending so much on Ice cream so I can play this game were a riot.

Online:
The story is not that funny to tell, but one night super drunk my friend runs $109 deposit on Party Poker to $7K by playing SNGs where he goes all in every single hand - I mean not a single time did he fold. he went all in 100% of the time and no one could catch him.. 2 7 beating Aces etc. He was chatting up a storm about folding being -EV etc. again not real funny to retell but that night had many really funny moments.
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Old 06-22-2008, 07:55 AM   #7
Dr. Worm
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Re: FUNNIEST THING YOU HEARD OR SAW LIVE/ONLINE

Live: During a cash game a player tried to convince me and another that since it was cash game there was "no such thing as pot odds. Only in tournaments."
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Old 06-22-2008, 08:44 AM   #8
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Re: FUNNIEST THING YOU HEARD OR SAW LIVE/ONLINE

This for me and its old but the best ever.

Online Poker is Rigged!

One can hardly read any poker forum without running across individuals claiming that this or that site is rigged. Usually they are humiliated with the forum “experts” rudely telling them that the reason they’re losing is because they aren’t good poker players. I’m sad to say that I used to be one of those “experts.” I was one of the doubters until I actually caught one site cheating.

If you view the image below it looks like a normal hand being played (certain information has been dedacted to protect the innocent).



It looks normal unless you really examine the photo. Using some highly classified vector digital imaging software from the CIA I picked up on eBay for $50, I caught the dealer dealing off the bottom of the deck. I was as shocked as anyone but it all made sense once I thought about it. Notice in the picture above how they put that little box in front of the players sitting to the right and left of the dealer so as to obstruct their view. Players sitting that close would normally catch a dishonest dealer but “conveniently” the software blocks their view. Coincidence? Hardly!



But that wasn’t the only cheating I caught. Notice the player to the right of the dealer in Seat 1. Notice anything out of place? Neither did I at first. But again, I used my imaging software to get a close up and guess what I see?



He’s got a card hidden up his sleeve! I guess it should have been obvious after his fourth pocket aces in a row.

So now I have proof that online poker is rigged and if anybody tries to tell you differently, they’re in on it!
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Old 06-22-2008, 08:57 AM   #9
Robin van Persie
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Re: FUNNIEST THING YOU HEARD OR SAW LIVE/ONLINE

Quote:
Originally Posted by KING$TER View Post
Online

While playing a MTT on Pokerstars a friend of mine asked why i didnt just keep switching seats by clicking "Sit Here" to avoid the blinds, pissed myself.

Live

Was playing A £1-£2 game, bloke went all in for £325 after getting re-raised pre flop, but while doing this was on the phone with his girlfriend giving it some lovey dovey. He turned ova AA, other guy had JJ, guy with aces carried on talking to his girlfriend in a sweet manner, till, that is, a Jack on the river appeared, and he absolutly flipped! Telling his girlfriend that he DOESNT F'IN KNOW WHEN HE WILL BE F'IN HOME, then told her to F'OFF hung up, said sorry to all at the table then calmly reloaded. Thats love 4 ya

kool?
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Old 06-22-2008, 12:24 PM   #10
jadon
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Re: FUNNIEST THING YOU HEARD OR SAW LIVE/ONLINE

[ ] Funny stuff so far
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Old 06-22-2008, 12:44 PM   #11
de profundis
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Re: FUNNIEST THING YOU HEARD OR SAW LIVE/ONLINE

The Foxwoods story was amusing. The funniest thing I've ever witnessed at a casino was at WinStar in Oklahoma. Greg Raymer makes an apperance and people immediately begin acting like fools. Poker players are the new rockstars imo
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Old 06-22-2008, 01:23 PM   #12
buda4every1
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Re: FUNNIEST THING YOU HEARD OR SAW LIVE/ONLINE

i was dealing in a 2-5 NL. Allin on the turn K high flush vs. A high flush. no straight flush draws the guy witht he king high flush is drawing dead. when the hands are turned over guy with ace high looks frightened and looks to me and says "please don pair the board" the whole table pauses then erupts into laughter.
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Old 06-22-2008, 01:25 PM   #13
orlov
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Re: FUNNIEST THING YOU HEARD OR SAW LIVE/ONLINE

this thread
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Old 06-22-2008, 02:03 PM   #14
DonkeyWhisperer
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Re: FUNNIEST THING YOU HEARD OR SAW LIVE/ONLINE

lol, you said Bloke
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Old 06-22-2008, 02:23 PM   #15
JohnP285
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Re: FUNNIEST THING YOU HEARD OR SAW LIVE/ONLINE

Live

Playing a random tourney. One guy keeps calling big bets then folds to the big bet on the river. He open folds 5-5 and announces to the table, "I was on a set draw but I missed". Not sure if anybody else will think it's funny, but that's the only time I've ever heard that phrase in my life.

Oh yeah, and any of the million times where someone puts their money in as a huge dog, loses, then says "well that's poker".
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Old 06-22-2008, 02:41 PM   #16
goosty
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Re: FUNNIEST THING YOU HEARD OR SAW LIVE/ONLINE

Funniest thing while playing live was when a Norwegian bet out 50 dollars in a 250 dollar pot that contained 10 j 5 6 9 and my buddy who was sitting next to me caught the straight on the river and raised 250 dollars and got called by 45.
We Loao for a solid 5 minutes.
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Old 06-22-2008, 02:57 PM   #17
c_hoop
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Re: FUNNIEST THING YOU HEARD OR SAW LIVE/ONLINE

saw a guy try to shove the river in a 3-6lhe for like $300. he had the ipod, sunglasses, WPT shirt, etc. the entire table started busting up. pretty funny
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Old 06-22-2008, 03:51 PM   #18
sprfcta
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Re: FUNNIEST THING YOU HEARD OR SAW LIVE/ONLINE

Had four sevens SHOWING in 5-stud, bet out, got called by a drunk who then wanted to fight because I didn't tell him I had four of a kind.
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Old 06-22-2008, 04:46 PM   #19
Howard Treesong
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Re: FUNNIEST THING YOU HEARD OR SAW LIVE/ONLINE

Watching Robert Williamson III walk up to kiss a woman he thought was Tony Cousineau's wife but turned out to be a total stranger instead.

Last edited by Howard Treesong; 06-22-2008 at 04:47 PM. Reason: This was live, obv.
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Old 06-22-2008, 07:13 PM   #20
Diamond Lie
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Re: FUNNIEST THING YOU HEARD OR SAW LIVE/ONLINE

I bet w/TPTK on river in a 4/8 game, with my hand turned up for villain to see (in a heads up pot). Villain pauses, thinks for a moment, and calls. He then mucks his hand when dealer announces my hand at showdown. Everyone at the table asks him WTF, to which he just shakes his head.
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Old 06-22-2008, 07:31 PM   #21
JFsports
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Re: FUNNIEST THING YOU HEARD OR SAW LIVE/ONLINE

live tournament, guy who had only played a couple of times in his life ( obv at cash tables), yet who clearly had a massively inflated opinion of himself had managed to annoy everyone within 2 mins. When he won his first pot he nonchalantly tried to tip the dealer some tournament chips
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Old 06-22-2008, 07:32 PM   #22
10_kyle_10
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Re: FUNNIEST THING YOU HEARD OR SAW LIVE/ONLINE

"it was suited....."
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Old 06-22-2008, 07:50 PM   #23
gdhubly
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Re: FUNNIEST THING YOU HEARD OR SAW LIVE/ONLINE

Old fart tells young gun that he has been playing poker since the kid was in diapers.

Kids replies that he too will be playing poker when the old fart is in diapers.
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Old 06-22-2008, 08:44 PM   #24
JMX
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Re: FUNNIEST THING YOU HEARD OR SAW LIVE/ONLINE

I can't think of anything good.

Live:
"Q-8 is a hell of a drawing hand"

Online:

POKERSTARS GAME #15340951428: TOURNAMENT #77667257, HOLD'EM NO LIMIT - MATCH ROUND I, LEVEL I (10/20) - 2008/02/17 - 01:54:49 (ET)
Table '77667257 1' 2-max Seat #1 is the button
Seat 1: kenseal (740 in chips)
Seat 2: JMX29 (2260 in chips)
kenseal: posts small blind 10
JMX29: posts big blind 20
*** HOLE CARDS ***
Dealt to JMX29 [7d Jc]
kenseal: raises 20 to 40
JMX29: calls 20
*** FLOP *** [Tc 9c 8s]
JMX29: checks
kenseal: bets 20
JMX29: raises 20 to 40
kenseal: raises 20 to 60
JMX29: raises 20 to 80
kenseal: raises 20 to 100
JMX29: raises 20 to 120
kenseal: raises 20 to 140
JMX29: raises 20 to 160
kenseal: raises 20 to 180
JMX29: raises 20 to 200
kenseal: raises 20 to 220
JMX29: raises 20 to 240
kenseal: raises 20 to 260
JMX29: raises 20 to 280
kenseal: raises 20 to 300
JMX29: raises 20 to 320
kenseal: raises 20 to 340
JMX29: raises 20 to 360
kenseal: raises 20 to 380
JMX29: raises 20 to 400
kenseal: raises 20 to 420
JMX29: raises 20 to 440
kenseal: raises 20 to 460
JMX29: raises 20 to 480
kenseal: raises 220 to 700 and is all-in
JMX29: calls 220
*** TURN *** [Tc 9c 8s] [As]
*** RIVER *** [Tc 9c 8s As] [Th]
*** SHOW DOWN ***
JMX29: shows [7d Jc] (a straight, Seven to Jack)
kenseal: shows [4h Qh] (a pair of Tens)
JMX29 collected 1480 from pot
*** SUMMARY ***
Total pot 1480 | Rake 0
Board [Tc 9c 8s As Th]
Seat 1: kenseal (button) (small blind) showed [4h Qh] and lost with a pair of Tens
Seat 2: JMX29 (big blind) showed [7d Jc] and won (1480) with a straight, Seven to Jack

But I was really disappointed that he shoved after the 17th or bet or whatever it was.
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Old 06-22-2008, 08:58 PM   #25
edub72
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Re: FUNNIEST THING YOU HEARD OR SAW LIVE/ONLINE

we had a guy go on tilt in a live game and started yelling out at the other players in text language (letters to abbreviate the words), then he got up and started circling the table and doing the same thing.
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