Two Plus Two Publishing LLC Two Plus Two Publishing LLC
 

Go Back   Two Plus Two Poker Forums > >

News, Views, and Gossip For poker news, views and gossip.

Reply
 
Thread Tools Display Modes
Old 12-04-2009, 10:06 AM   #101
relentless19
adept
 
relentless19's Avatar
 
Join Date: Mar 2008
Posts: 1,058
Re: Funniest joke/line you've heard at a poker table?

Quote:
Originally Posted by AugustWest View Post
Guess you had to be there but...
Home game full of regulars, 1/2 PLO. Dealer/host/locksmith checks on the river when a flush card hits on the paired board. Action playa, on my left, excited to hit his hand announces "pot" trying to sound casual. Mr. L Smith, actually being casual, reraises "pot". Action glumly calls and tables his losing nut flush. Mr. Smith tables top boat and rakes pot.

I turn to my left and ask "didn't you hear the rattle?", totally spontaneous, entire table falls out. Like I said you had to be there.

AW
That's not even a joke in any way.
relentless19 is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 12-04-2009, 11:00 AM   #102
jona
adept
 
jona's Avatar
 
Join Date: Nov 2009
Location: Detroit
Posts: 981
Re: Funniest joke/line you've heard at a poker table?

Quote:
Originally Posted by AugustWest View Post
Guess you had to be there but...
Home game full of regulars, 1/2 PLO. Dealer/host/locksmith checks on the river when a flush card hits on the paired board. Action playa, on my left, excited to hit his hand announces "pot" trying to sound casual. Mr. L Smith, actually being casual, reraises "pot". Action glumly calls and tables his losing nut flush. Mr. Smith tables top boat and rakes pot.

I turn to my left and ask "didn't you hear the rattle?", totally spontaneous, entire table falls out. Like I said you had to be there.

AW
cool story bro
jona is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 12-04-2009, 11:49 AM   #103
betsmart
grinder
 
Join Date: Nov 2007
Location: London
Posts: 472
Re: Funniest joke/line you've heard at a poker table?

Quote:
Originally Posted by Conz View Post
you may find this racist, but whatever

i was at the Borgata and there were 3 jewish kids at the table next to me wearing yamakas, i of course being the piece of crap that i am said "huh, must be a capped game"

thank you and good night (didnt want to open the thread with this)
Being Jewish I can't not laugh my ass off over this.

nh sir.
betsmart is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 12-04-2009, 12:39 PM   #104
TrishTheFish
stranger
 
Join Date: Jul 2009
Posts: 10
Re: Funniest joke/line you've heard at a poker table?

Let me start by saying I am a woman.I was playing at one of the L A casinos in a small no-limit game. I had a big hand and I had to lay down for on an all in bet on the river. I thought long and hard about this decision. After laying down my hand the man told me "Good lay down!" I then said "Many men have told me that."
TrishTheFish is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 12-04-2009, 12:58 PM   #105
Jawgie69
journeyman
 
Jawgie69's Avatar
 
Join Date: Feb 2008
Posts: 200
Re: Funniest joke/line you've heard at a poker table?

Quote:
Originally Posted by brandyballs View Post
Neil Channing has quite the way with words

"Just the one fistful then?"
just broke out lol'ing
Jawgie69 is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 12-04-2009, 01:10 PM   #106
ringinabox
veteran
 
ringinabox's Avatar
 
Join Date: Feb 2009
Posts: 3,067
Re: Funniest joke/line you've heard at a poker table?

Quote:
Originally Posted by booron View Post
Read this is in high stakes forum, the guy describing it is talking about perkysmerky and his slow rolls.....




might be the funniest thing ive ever read. he's going to get decapated one day tho.
ringinabox is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 12-04-2009, 01:37 PM   #107
9:15
grinder
 
Join Date: Dec 2008
Location: One Step Beyond
Posts: 481
Re: Funniest joke/line you've heard at a poker table?

Quote:
Originally Posted by TrishTheFish View Post
Let me start by saying I am a woman.I was playing at one of the L A casinos in a small no-limit game. I had a big hand and I had to lay down for on an all in bet on the river. I thought long and hard about this decision. After laying down my hand the man told me "Good lay down!" I then said "Many men have told me that."
Welcome to 2+2!
9:15 is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 12-04-2009, 01:58 PM   #108
ScreaminAsian
For President
 
ScreaminAsian's Avatar
 
Join Date: Oct 2008
Location: DO NOT CONGRATULATE
Posts: 33,278
Re: Funniest joke/line you've heard at a poker table?

(thick middle-eastern accent)
be careful, kid. i was in baghdad before you were in your dad's bag.
ScreaminAsian is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 12-04-2009, 03:46 PM   #109
Sardonic View
enthusiast
 
Join Date: Feb 2009
Posts: 78
Re: Funniest joke/line you've heard at a poker table?

PLO8 game:

Idiot: "I had a wrap, flush, and nutlow draw, and I can't hit"
Me: "Maybe they should change the rules, draws should beat made hands"

Obvious HU challenge issued right after my comment
Sardonic View is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 12-04-2009, 04:28 PM   #110
Accumulate_em
centurion
 
Join Date: Aug 2009
Location: Belgium
Posts: 144
Re: Funniest joke/line you've heard at a poker table?

Quote:
Originally Posted by 9:15 View Post
Welcome to NVG!
fyp
Accumulate_em is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 12-05-2009, 08:19 AM   #111
iiinvision
banned
 
iiinvision's Avatar
 
Join Date: Nov 2009
Location: 916
Posts: 126
Re: Funniest joke/line you've heard at a poker table?

Quote:
Originally Posted by ScreaminAsian View Post
(thick middle-eastern accent)
be careful, kid. i was in baghdad before you were in your dad's bag.
haahahahahahahah I lol'd
iiinvision is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 12-05-2009, 11:27 AM   #112
studgear
centurion
 
Join Date: Mar 2006
Posts: 190
Re: Funniest joke/line you've heard at a poker table?

Can't remember where I heard this:

Live 1/2nl game right after player A sucks out on player B.


Player A: YESSSSSSSSSSS!

Player B: That's okay.... I make a living off people like you.

Player A: pfffffft! you make a living at 1/2 nl???

Player B: No, I'm not a pro. I take after ******ed children.
studgear is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 12-05-2009, 12:07 PM   #113
Cardsfan2006
adept
 
Cardsfan2006's Avatar
 
Join Date: Apr 2009
Location: Australia/Tokyo/UK ... depends
Posts: 838
Re: Funniest joke/line you've heard at a poker table?

Quote:
Originally Posted by The Deuce II View Post
Or,...the stranger who sat and was asked how he was doing.
"Terrible," he said with a dejected tone. "My girlfriend called me a pedophile."
The table was silent for a moment.
"So I told her, that's an awfully big word for a 13-year-old."
Thread saver.
Cardsfan2006 is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 12-05-2009, 12:14 PM   #114
BoyItalia
adept
 
BoyItalia's Avatar
 
Join Date: Nov 2006
Location: Never been Chino'd
Posts: 746
Re: Funniest joke/line you've heard at a poker table?

Well I need to get home now. I call. Que insta suckout everytime. Still makes me laugh
BoyItalia is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 12-05-2009, 12:37 PM   #115
Bluffzorz
old hand
 
Join Date: Nov 2009
Posts: 1,411
Re: Funniest joke/line you've heard at a poker table?

This guy had his laptop and was playing online at the same time as the live table.

Guy next to him: Dude what are you doing?

Guy with comp: Playing in this tourny to win the austin martin from Casino Royale.

Guy next to him: Dude...that's like the worst value tournament ever.


and one time the guy to my right told me he ****ed a girl in a garden shed last night lol
Bluffzorz is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 12-05-2009, 01:45 PM   #116
David123
Carpal \'Tunnel
 
David123's Avatar
 
Join Date: Dec 2008
Location: Switching to pulsating light
Posts: 8,817
Re: Funniest joke/line you've heard at a poker table?

Quote:
Originally Posted by gaelclichy View Post
Live game at commerce

I 3 bet all in with AKos against some guy

guy stares at me through some stupid nicole ritchie glasses and after a minute of thinking says "I know you have AK- I call"

He flips over AJos and spikes a J on the flop of course
u have a tell. get that looked at bro
David123 is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 12-05-2009, 09:32 PM   #117
river rat
newbie
 
Join Date: Jul 2009
Posts: 21
Re: Funniest joke/line you've heard at a poker table?

Quote:
Originally Posted by TrishTheFish View Post
Let me start by saying I am a woman.I was playing at one of the L A casinos in a small no-limit game. I had a big hand and I had to lay down for on an all in bet on the river. I thought long and hard about this decision. After laying down my hand the man told me "Good lay down!" I then said "Many men have told me that."

That, was the post of the day!
And - your FIRST!
Welcome.
river rat is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 12-06-2009, 11:11 PM   #118
Lady Arcadia
enthusiast
 
Lady Arcadia's Avatar
 
Join Date: Dec 2005
Location: Copenhagen, Denmark
Posts: 97
Re: Funniest joke/line you've heard at a poker table?

A guy to my right was bitching about his wife for hours while we were playing. (I was the only female at the table) Him and I were placing a live straddle throughout the game and he kept trying to get me to re-straddle after him. After the 3rd or 4th time I finally said, "Unlike your wife, I don't do dead straddles."

The table cracked up.
Lady Arcadia is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 12-07-2009, 12:49 AM   #119
dewayne
grinder
 
dewayne's Avatar
 
Join Date: Nov 2008
Location: Westeros
Posts: 686
Re: Funniest joke/line you've heard at a poker table?

Quote:
Originally Posted by tankgirl View Post
Andrew Lichtenberger: "If I wear my hat backwards, will it make me look like a badass?"

Phil Ivey: "... Nothing you do will make you look badass."

top top
dewayne is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 12-07-2009, 12:53 AM   #120
dewayne
grinder
 
dewayne's Avatar
 
Join Date: Nov 2008
Location: Westeros
Posts: 686
Re: Funniest joke/line you've heard at a poker table?

what's the best part of having sex with 29 year olds.

theres 20 of them.
dewayne is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 12-07-2009, 01:50 AM   #121
Jarb KNOWS
enthusiast
 
Join Date: Sep 2009
Location: Whoahio
Posts: 65
Re: Funniest joke/line you've heard at a poker table?

at an online table but saved bc i thought it was funny...... "smellyas" avatar was of course a hot chick....

wilbertg: smellya i want to spit in your mouth!!!
Dealer: Jxxxxxxx, it's your turn. You have 8 seconds to act
smellya111: i wanna cum in your face
Jarb KNOWS is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 12-09-2009, 07:52 PM   #122
DCJ001
veteran
 
DCJ001's Avatar
 
Join Date: Oct 2006
Location: Earth
Posts: 2,843
Re: Funniest joke/line you've heard at a poker table?

DCJ001 is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 12-09-2009, 11:19 PM   #123
masychefx2
banned
 
masychefx2's Avatar
 
Join Date: Nov 2009
Location: United Kingdom- Lincolnshire
Posts: 234
Re: Funniest joke/line you've heard at a poker table?

Brian had to pay double points for his avatar, due to pixel count.



What will brian do with his winnings?

He bought an all you can eat resurant... what happened?

He ate the chef.


Stockpiling big macs, 1 million to be exact.



is it ok to post a joke about a jewish poker player ?

Last edited by masychefx2; 12-09-2009 at 11:30 PM.
masychefx2 is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 12-11-2009, 08:54 PM   #124
squints914
grinder
 
Join Date: Mar 2008
Posts: 438
Re: Funniest joke/line you've heard at a poker table?

A jewish kid asks his father for 20 dollars.The old man says "TEN DOLLARS!WHAT DO U YOU NEED 5 DOLLARS FOR! " made me lol
squints914 is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 12-12-2009, 02:09 AM   #125
PropPlayer
Sports Betting Mod
 
Join Date: Oct 2005
Location: Southeast Asia
Posts: 3,776
Re: Funniest joke/line you've heard at a poker table?

Golden Nugget late night $105 MTT. This older lady quiet all nite, where at the start of the final table and at showdown her opponent tables his hand and says full house.. She stands up looks at the hand and stares for 30 seconds and then says: "that's not a house, that's a shack". She pauses another 30 seconds turns over her hand and says: "now this, this is a full house".

Was funnier coming from this lady because she was so quiet and hadn't said a word all tournament. Then pulls off this slow roll, with insults and humor all the same time. Only a few people laughed, a couple seemed annoyed. I was dying had to go walk away from table for a minute to laugh even more.

I'd played with her b4 too and this was so out of character.
PropPlayer is offline   Reply With Quote

Reply
      

Thread Tools
Display Modes

Posting Rules
You may not post new threads
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is Off


Forum Jump


All times are GMT -4. The time now is 06:35 AM.


Powered by vBulletin®
Copyright ©2000 - 2021, Jelsoft Enterprises Ltd.
Copyright © 2008-2020, Two Plus Two Interactive