So here I am in amsterdam, I had just blazed a chong the size of my dick and im thinking I need to get a blow job asap. I go on walk about in the red light district, and for those of you who havn't been to amsterdam the hookers are in windows all up and down the streets and allys. Lets put it this way, the great warrior poet 50 cent was not speaking about this kind of window shopping when he made the song "window shopper", talking **** about window shopping... B/c its the best.

So i pick the finest hooker in 2 blocks and she lets me in and closes the curtain. We discuss price and the fact that a condom will not be part of this blow job, price is set at 50 euro(80 us at the time). Bj commences and I go to pull her tits out and she then requests 20 more euro for her tits to be played with(out****ingrageous!) I tell her that her tits arn't worth 2 euros(even though I would of paid 200 euro for the package deal, its the principle). So then she gets upset and starts arguing with me, I tell her to suck my suck my **** and stop speaking. I further explain to her the only appropriate use for her mouth and she picks up her cell phone to call her "boyfriend" who she says is bigger than me and will kick my ass. I say to her I can't wait to meet and beat the schlep rock who is dating a low-rent welching hooker. At this point I am not longer interested in her services and see three viable options... 1. Beat her ass 2. Smash her stereo(only nice thing in her room) 3. Walk out like a bitch and forget about it.

So I pick the second worst option and I smash her stereo into a hundred pieces and walk out. She spits on me and starts talking ****... suddenly I regret not choosing the best option(1 obv), but I keep it together and walk on. She spits on me again, I tell her to savor the flavor of my dick and not to waste it. She then kicks me in the back, and continues yelling at me. I am STILL willing to let it go, but then she spits on my fur coat, and comes to kick me again!!! I turn around as she is coming at me and hit her with a round house kick to the ribs that literally sends her 3 feet into the air and she lands like the sack of **** that she is on the ground.

I smile at a job well done and as i turn to look forward I get caught right in the face with a right cross from her boyfriend. I stumble back, glases broken at my feet(before I had lasic) I am a little stunned, but I shake it off and come at this big ugly bastard. I hit him with a hard overhand right and just as he falls back a little, a big ugly buddy of his comes from behind me grabs both my arms. Now another guy comes at me from the left, I hit him with a weak push kick and before he can come at me again I break free from the dude who had me locked up and I take off running. I roll back to the hostel where my boys are staying to rally the troops.

I get to the hostel to find them all ****ed up and lazy. I bust out the blow, we motivate ourselves and clear our heads... I've got a head full of blow and blood on my tongue, my buddies are ready to lay down some hate and discontent, but when we get back the hooker and all her lackeys are nowhere to be found. We eat mushrooms instead.

Ok so the bellagio hooker incident went as follows... I was hanging at bellagio with a girl I was dating at the time(who wouldn't lick my ass), so I ordered 3 hookers up to my room who I figured would. The girl I was dating at the time wanted to drink and party, so I sent her down to the baccarat bar to hang with some of my friends, I told her I was tired and didn't want to be disturbed.

Flash forward 50 minutes 3 hookers arrive at my door step... 2 passed inspection and the other was sent home. Services were discussed, as was the licking of my ass, we came to terms and then they instructed me to get naked. As anyone who knows me can vouch, I always leap at the opportunity to get naked. This was different, b/c they wouldnt take off any clothes till I got totally naked. Cliff note- I had been doing more blow than Rick James in his prime, and taken enough xanax to kill a full grown wilderbeast so I perhaps wasn't thinking totally clearly. This being said I was fully convinced they were trying to take the money I had already paid them and bolt as soon as i got naked, being that most wouldn't give chase w/o clothes.

I started arguing with them and they got belligerent and one said she was going to call her pimp to kill me. I took her flip phone and broke it in 2 and threw it on the ground, the other one jumped on my back from behind like some kind of a ****ing flying squirrel and tried to choke me. I did an osoto-gari judo throw and sent her ass crashing into my dresser, then the other crazy hooker ran at me, I didn't even really think about it I just reacted with some kind of coked up mule kick and sent her doing a back flip over the bed. I grabbed her purse and retrieved my 900 dollars, the first hooker then started clawing my back and punching me. I grabbed her with one arm and her purse with the other and threw her into the hall. As soon as I turned around, a book came flying threw the air and hit me in the face.

I yell at her to get out of my room, she refuses and goes for my blow, that was the last straw I grab her by her hair and drag her out of my room and throw her in the hall, I give her one last kick in the ribs and then run back to my room to do another line and dispose of the evidence.

I had been getting killed in the pit, so I called my host and explained that I had been attacked and robbed by wild hookers and I needed them removed asap. He understood the situation and sent security to remove the unruly patrons. Best part was when my girl came to the room she explained how she had seen the craziest thing in the world. She is like there was 2 crazy strippers that looked like they had been beat up, yelling as they were being dragged out. I acted surprised and said no way seriously???