Quote:
Originally Posted by Metod Tinuviel
Yup you are right, misread it the first time. I don't understand this either. Back before I was married some of my dates showed me their matches and they literally had hundreds of messages from guys. I had like 2-3 a month and I felt I was more successful than most. Average women clearly have far more options and it is not even close.
You people seriously misunderstand even the basics of dating dynamics. There are many reasons that the average woman will get more messages than the average man on a dating app, and they should be obvious to anybody (besides PW, obviously).
1. There is an expectation in society that men be the initiator in dating. Men ask women out. Men make the date plans. Men ask women to marry them. If a woman is the one initiating a message on a dating app, it is widely considered weird. A woman may lay things on real thick when indicating interest, but they are not typically the one suggesting a first date or otherwise making a first move.
2. Men and women have different priorities in dating. Men don't have any need to be selective in dating. A man that has sex with 1000 women is seen as a big success; it takes a whole lot of work, talent, and attractiveness for a man to get there. A women that has sex with 1000 men is almost certainly a prostitute. A promiscuous woman is considered a slut and a loser.
This is not just for cultural reasons, but there are innate reasons in all humans that makes them think along these lines. Men can have sex with anybody and everybody with little consequence. Men can screw around for all of their 20s and 30s and somehow still land a high quality woman in their forties. On the other hand, women will eventually get pregnant, which results in their dating value immediately plummeting. A woman does not have the luxury of landing a top guy in her forties, as not only does her beauty fade significantly by that point, but her chances of having a healthy baby at that age are practically zero, which means that women have less incentive to screw around casually, as they have a time-limit in the dating world.
There are other reasons at play with this subsection, but you hopefully get the point. Men don't need to be selective at all. If anything, a man is preprogrammed to have sex with as many women as possible. Women are preprogrammed to be more selective. That does
not mean that women have more options.
3. The way dating apps work encourage men to message every woman. Because of those two reasons above, men essentially just spam out messages or swipes to all but the least attractive women. That leads to women having a huge number of messages that they cannot even read.
You can interpret the above to mean that women "have more options." I don't think so. In my mind, it means that women have to constantly have their guard up and weed out dweebs that are shooting too high or actually attractive dudes that are just trying to bang them and disappear forever. Those two groups comprise over 90% (maybe 99%) of dudes on dating apps.
Back to my original point: a woman is valued almost exclusively for her looks. A man is valued for not only his looks, but also his charisma, status, and wealth. A woman that is a 2 on the 10-scale is not going to be able to score a high quality man. On the other hand, a short obese dude can absolutely score a 10 if he has all the other things working for him. Furthermore, a beautiful 22 year old woman is going to get all the attention in the world, but at 42 nobody will know she exists, which is the complete opposite for men. If you feel that this setup is oppressive to men, I am not sure what else to tell you except that you need to grow up. The deck is stacked so hard to our advantage that this should not even be a discussion.
Last edited by DonkJr; 11-30-2023 at 11:43 AM.