Not a great story, but certainly unusual. And long.

I was in Tallin (Estonia, old Soviet republic) a few months ago and on sundays they have like a $7 (!!) unlimited rebuy tourney. They had 5 11-man (!!) tables going, where 2 are in the pokerroom (or poker corner to be precise,) and then they just change 3 table games to pokertables. There's a bar between table 1-2 and 3-5.

Anyways, we had been playing a while and my table was like 4m from the bar and since there are no free beers anyways I just walked over and ordered as the service sucked. I see a guy throwing a fit over at table #2 (in the corner) and arguing with floor. There's a security guy in suit watching this from 5-6m away. I think nothing of it and go back.

10 minutes pass and a new player comes in. The guy arguing with floor is still going. I can't see him, but I can hear him. Meanwhile, I somehow managed to smash my beer to the floor when moving my sidetable. As I'm picking up the bigger pieces of glass, a new security guy comes semi-jogging down the aisle with a SWAT-like black west, black pants and boots.

I play a few more hands and I go over to the bar again. Now the guy throwing a fit is screaming at the SWAT guy and there are 3 other security suits looking at this. SWAT guy is holding a pepperspray canister that's the size of a small fire-extinguisher (like for cars), it was ridiculously large. Table #2 was kind of trapped in the corner with the nutcase and SWAT-guy between them and the bar (and freedom). As I'm paying for the beer I hear a *smack* (as in a fist landing) and the nutcase screams, runs to an empty chair between table #1 and #2, lifts it up and fake-throws it at the SWAT guy. A waitress standing behind me (and the bar and a crowd between me the nutcase) screams and ducks which I found funny because a tennis ball wouldn't have made it to her. So I chuckle, get the evil eye from the waitress and go back to the table and everyone is curious as to what's happening. I try to get one of the locals at the table to translate what he's screaming but all I get from Capt. Obvious is "he won't leave".

We play for another 20 minutes or so (seriously! We changed levels while this was happening) when a SWAT "Squad" arrives of 5 more men in black and vest arrive, all meanlooking MFs. Table #1 has cleared out of there but table #2 is still trapped for whatever reason. I hear the pepperspray go off and people screaming. We're still playing. A few minutes later, players with tears popping walk up and down the aisle. Apparently they managed to "rescue" table #2 by spraying the nutcase and ofcourse the rest of the corner with pepperspray which more or less forced table #2 to make a run for it.

I go back for another beer but the bar was evacuated . There's a larger crowd watching now and the 6 SWAT guys have him literally cornered (and about 5 security suits are watching this, blocking one side of the bar, while the crowd is blocking the other if he somehow should get past the 6 SWAT guys). He's still nuts so I get back and we play a hand or two more (!!) before TD finally puts the tourney on a break. Now Table 3-5 joins the crowd to see the show. I couldn't see anything and the bar was still closed so I go to the other bar and goes back to the empty table (dealer was still there). Walks over to another table where a friend is sitting and talk a few minutes with him. My friend said something like "well, the cops will get him now" where one of the locals says "If he's lucky. He punched one of the security guys".

I go back to my table and wait another 5 minutes or so before I see him being escorted up the aisle and outside by the SWAT guys. Crowd breaks up and gets seated and we continue. The whole ordeal took like 45-60 minutes (!) and while this was happening table #2 couldn't play a hand. And the funny part? It was still 20 more minutes of the $7-rebuy period.

Once at my local casino,playing some 1/2NL, a young kid got felted on a pretty sick beat and reached into his wallet for more money.He pulled out 5 bucks and asked the chip runner for 1 chip!The chip runner looks at him funny and says "are you sure?".The whole table cracks up.He looks at everyone dead serious and says "I'm glad you guys think its funny that this is all i can afford".The tables feeling bad so a few people toss him a 5 dollar chip each.The funny thing is that when the chip runner came back with his money, she had the 1 single chip in the rack!LOL.The kid thanks everyone for their generosity, looks down at his cards, smiles, and calmly announces "IM ALL IN" for 20 dollars.Someone looks him up with jacks and the kid proudly turns over queens.A jack on the flop sends him home talking to himself and the table erupts in laughter when he's gone.Now theres a minimum buy in.

This is the funniest I've personally experienced by far:
Was at the commerce in about 2006. I was playing NL. I could hear occasional arguments and insults break out on the table next to mine. Some young white guy (WG) kept playing pots against a middle-aged to older asian guy (AG). AG kept sucking out with flush and straight draws.

After one particularly bad suckout, the white guy made a comment about the asian guy having a "tiny dick" because he was asian. AG got livid. He started shouting about various things, including defending his honor/size/whatever. After maybe 20 seconds of WG and AG shouting back and forth over the table from opposite ends, AG finally says (in a high pitch, loud, asian voice): "You tink I hab small dikk?? You want see? I show you dikk, I show you!! Dis asian have big dikk!!" and unzips his jeans to pull out his junk for the table to see. It barely gets exposed by the time security comes to quiet things down. They took AG away from the table and I'm not sure when he returned, if ever that night.
I've never seen anything else like it at the tables.

It's getting up there for me. Might even be tied with the infamous "lathe in the living room" from OOT

in case you haven't had the privilege: http://forumserver.twoplustwo.com/34...mate-hell-248/

This afternoon at Luxor.. Crazy sh-t like this seems to be following around Vegas poker rooms lately.

I came into a poker table in a seat directly across from this chick. Black chick, mid 40's, actually quite decent looking. Open shirt, thin-strapped tank top underneath. Decent cleavage, medium sized rack. Anyway - she's going on and on about how she's the only woman at the table. She loves guys so much, she loves being the only woman at the table, she'd probably let one of us take her up to her room, etc. etc. My entire side of the table is made up of Asians (Am I allowed to say that? - if that's offensive, I apologize in advance). The point being nobody is really talking. Meanwhile I'm sort of smiling, minimally flirting - mostly out of uncomfortableness than anything else.

Then, out of the blue, she says something about her money - like she needs to reload (terrible player, btw - lost about $600 while I was there). So she opens her shirt, looks across the table at me and says something like "I wonder if I have any in here". She then proceeds to put her hand into her bra and squeezes the melons. I smile, the asians smile (we're all men after all) and she pulls it out.

It.


Out.


Boob is sitting there flapping in the wind. Then she looks down and acts suprised (she clearly did it on purpose) and says something like "how did that get out there".

Then left it out while she played out the hand.

This general behavior carried on for another 10 minutes or so until she finally left to pee. Came back 30 minutes later and said that security had intercepted her and told her that the folks in the ceiling saw her doing this on camera and asked that she keep her boobs in her shirt.



I complained to the floor. Seemed like a victimless crime to me.




Classy chick. Clearly looking for some action.

"I'm going to pull down my pants a little," he declared.

LMAO. One of the funniest stories i've read in a long time.

Dealer: ' Seat 3 declares All in....Seat 4 declares he's pulling his pants down a little'.

Which is the part somebody might find offensive again?...too funny

Yes,

this was at Sandia. Back when they had the big Tent set up, not the new brick and mortar place.

She was well know for her 'skills'

This story isn't as good as some of the rest but still kinda funny. I wasn't there, happened to a friend.

It's some LV casino, Caesar's or something. There's a guy there from Texas, real cowboy type. This is that period of Bush's term when the country was turning on him. There's a conversation going on on the table that briefly touches on politics, and some guy at the table says "Yeah well of course Bush hasn't exactly been one of the great presidents...".

The Texas guy goes "What was that?" and the other guy goes "Oh, was just saying Bush hasn't been that great a president". This Texas guy jumps out of his seat, lunges across the table and goes for the guy's throat. Security run over, grab him and throw him out obv. Republican I guess?

Not in a cardroom per se, but I had an amusing incident at a bar poker tournament a while back.

My wife's family hails from western Nebraska, and every year or two I'm forced to trudge out there with her and make nice-nice with the locals. It's boring as sin, and if it wasn't for the internet I'd end up sitting around watching the fishing channel with my father-in-law for the entire week.

This last time I went we actually found out that they host some sh*tty bar tournament at the bowling alley where my mother-in-law bowls. I let my wife drag me up there with her and figured I'd kill some time getting hammered and try to see if I can drink for free. (This tournament has like 3-4 tables, and first prize is a $50 bar tab or some nonsense. )

By the time the cards are in the air my brother and I have already been playing pool and made our way to the bottom of 3-4 pitchers. Needless to say I'm feeling pretty good, and oh hey, there's the waitress with my next one..

I make it to the final table, which took no effort, and end up sitting next to the most awesome guy I've met in a while. Take your average poker pro with the hoodie/glasses/ipod, age him about 30 years, and then let him stew for a few weeks in a trailer park. That is our new friend.

So, Trailer-Pro was sitting two to my right, and absolutely hated me from the get-go. He made the mistake of saying how I played some hand real horribly and was a donkey for calling with Q10 against some guys AK (because I'm psychic..).

Now, that kind of irritated me, not because he called me a donkey (I was) but it's a free f-cking bar tournament, who cares? So I figure I now need to fight back and tilt him, so every hand I look at him ask what the blinds are, if it's my turn, if I can raise, how much time is left, what are the payouts.. I figure if I can get him upset then all the better for me anyway, it's part of the game imo.

So, the guy is almost turned sideways in his seat giving me the shoulder, ignoring me, and I let it drop after about a few minutes and go back to being non-confrontational, chatting with my brother, and just having fun playing some casual bar poker.

30-40 minutes later Trailer-Pro busts on the bubble (top 3 payed like 50/20/10 in bar credits or something). At this point I figure I can be a decent enough guy, tell him good game, no hard feelings, and shake his hand. It's for fun after-all.

He counters with leaving my hand hanging, and telling me that I'm a "stupid f*cking donkey".

At which point I lost it.

"Dude, are you F*CKING SERIOUS? YOU'RE WEARING THE LITTLE GLASSES AND HAT AND HOOD AND IT'S A FREE F*CKING BAR TOURNAMENT IN SH*TSVILLE NEBRASKA, GO F*CK YOURSELF, YOU'RE A GODDAMN IDIOT.. <shortened drastically>"

This guy is pissed, and I sort of realize at this point that I've not only insulted his family, questioned his lineage, and offered him some sexual advice that's not phsyically possible.. but I've also drawn a crowd, and inadvertently insulted some of the other Sh*tsville locals.

This worries me as it's fairly obvious that I'm from out of town, mainly because I'm not wearing cowboy boots and have my full set of teeth.

Trailer-Pro storms out of the bar, and I'm sitting at the table with the other 2 players and this crowd. There's absolute silence for a moment or two and I'm waiting for the lynching to happen from one of his friends/cousins/whatever..

Then one of the players at the tables starts laughing, a second girl joins in.. finally one of them tells me "We've been waiting for someone to do that to him for months now, he's played down at the WSOP a few years ago busted out almost immediately, yet thinks he's a poker genius.. No one here cares for him."

*Phew*

I was at my home casino playing a small (44 players) $550.00 BI tourney.
There was two tables left and after folding my hand I picked up my cup of coffee and with one eye still on the action took a bug gulp. After being distracted by the action in the hand I did the old "down the wrong tube" trick. I quickly got up from the table as I was coughing/choking/laughing when my friend who was seated to my left turned around and saie "dont have a stroke" Well that made me laugh and choke more and I soon realized I coulnt see. I then lost my vision and balance and nearly blacked out. My friend got up from the table to sit me down and help me catch my breath. I looked up to see the action in the whole room had stopped and the house was ready to call an ambulance. I took a minute and did the only the only thing I could do to save face. Pulled myself off the canvass, cancelled the rquest for medical help and took the damn thing down for $8500.00.

playing 2-5 live 4am game is DEAD nitty rocky,

then we hear some loud drunken guy stumbling along to our table he sits down holding 2 JD & cokes competely smashed.
introduces himself as Tony and points to his farmers market(grocery store) shirt that says "Tony" on it.

He starts pulling out 1k chips and black chips from his pockets and dropping them were like wtf.

i offer him some red $5 chips to change and hes like no need sir and proceeds to straddle all in $500 blind everyhand for 1 hour and 40minutes. (no exageration)

the only hand he folded was when a nit limped in EP and he mucked lol poor kid didnt get paid.

saw him crack so many hands in those 2 hours. These rocky kids were waiting for AA KK to call and end up losing 1k, 2k pots vs J4o 72s haha.

apparently what happened was he lost a bunch of money gambling earlier that night and only had $800 left. On his way out of the casino he put down $300 on perfect pairs black jack and $500 bet for a single bj hand.
he got delt AA split them and got 2 black jacks.
He got paid about 14-16k lol and just wanted to play some pokers.

me and my friend felt bad and said dude make sure you have some to take home with you.
he replied "no worries guys i have 10k put away for my bike its in the carrrrr"
*silences at table*
friend replies "so tony what kind of car do you drive"

lol
pretty awesome game

This is no where near as funny as some of the things that have been mentioned, but I feel it is a story that needs to be told

Playing 2/3 at my local casino and there is a $5 time charge every half past on the hour

So sitting to my left, at around 10:28pm, a normal guy moves all in, nothing really stands out about this guy that screams "I dont do this very often"

So anyway, he gets a caller and the hand plays out and unfortunately for my left sided friend he is busted out, and by his image he doesnt seem to be able to rebuy.

"Okay guys, time for time" the dealer announces, and everyone throws in their $5 chip except for our newly busted out friend, who still with a confused look on his face due to his busting out, reaches for his wallet

Oh, our friend must be having another go ... our friend reaches into his wallet and pulls out 1 single $5 chip, throws it on the table and pays time, looks around, gets up and leaves, never to return

i have seen this before

kid didnt play a hand for like 2 hours wasnt topping up his stack, it was obvious what he had on table was all his money. wasnt dressed to sharp either.
anways he finally went all in on flop having KK vs QQ and after the money went in he was all jolly talkative but on the river bam the 2 outer Q hit.

he like froze didnt move didnt say a word didnt look sad or hurt just in shock.
he had no money in front of him but since he didnt get up the dealer delt him cards thinking he would rebuy.
when action got to him he had a puzzled look on his face then looked at cards and mucked like as if he was still playing.

felt bad for the guy hit him pretty hard.

This made my day! Man, that's funny...

Playing at the empire London, 55yr Old Asian man, quite quiet bad short stack, calls a £10 raise pre (£50 stack) and then shoves a K88 flop, 2 people calls, he puts a chip on his cards and then says "dealer im busting to go" and just runs off to the toilet mid hand before the dealer can say anything, floor comes over and mucks his hand! He comes back before the hand is finished and cant understand why his hand would be dead. Floor said it was because other players have to be able to get a read on you lol

Hey did you play this tournament at the century casino in Edmonton? I'm pretty sure I was at your table. I busted out in like 8th with AK against AT on a Tsxsxs flop and I held the king of spades.

That was damn funny. I thought you were having a heart attack.

LOL, and what happend to WG?

lol. yup thats me. We had a good laugh after but for about an hour I felt like I was gonna die!!

anyway fun little tourney with a good result.

Nothing happened to WG. Apparently heckling another player is permitted, but pulling your junk out is crossing the line.

I was involved in something kinda funny when it comes to people playing with "money behind"...

This past June, I was playing some 1/2 NL at the Venetian, on my first ever trip to Vegas. On day 3 of my trip, a bustling afternoon, I am sitting at a table with some friendly people, we make some prop bets, one guy buys a round for the table, that sort of thing. In fact, we had a moment (about 0.5seconds) of silence for Michael Jackson when it came up on the TVs that he had passed. It was a good table.

So this kid from another table (audibly drunk, on tilt, erratic) sits down. I had played with him the day before and he had "came after [my] stack..." to no avail. So he decides he's going to sit with the max 300$, after being stuck god-know-how-much.

I was at hour ~10 of the day, and was sitting with nearly 2000$, and thoughts of moving up in limits danced in my head. I look down at Js Jc utg and bump it up to "13 monies", a few folds, and KFAT re-raises to 50$. The action folds back to me, and I recall him "coming after my stack" the day before. Based on this, I take the stack of eight $100 billz (I love when cash plays) from my stack and toss them non-chalantly into the middle of the table. He tanks, and eventually calls.

Board comes: A - K - Q - J -J

He INSTANTLY flips over 10-10 and goes for the pot.. Shocked, I flip over my hand and take the pot. KFAT explodes at my slow-roll and berates my "luckboxing" play.

But this is where it gets fun. He had played the entire hand to this point, with 300$ behind. By the time the chip runner returns, the hand was over and I won the money.

I wish I could've seen the look on my face when the floorman returned, motions to pass the guy his chips, but the guy says "No, pass them to him..."

Next thing he did, he takes another 300$ out of his pocket, and buys those chips back off me

A couple of months ago I won a 3-way all-in pot with two-pair over top pair and an OE straight draw. The top-pair guy got up, shouted ****, and punched the felt and started bleeding everywhere. I was sitting one seat to the right of him and was scared for my life. Anyway the floor made him get a bandaid when people started complaining about him bleeding all over the felt and he didn't come back.

you guys would probably like "in the life with doc jon" http://www.penguinmagic.com/specialo...t.php?ID=11405
(it's also available on a certain poker pirate site)

Was playing at a bowling alley in some hick town in southern Illinois. Heard the game was soft and they play all night 200NL.

Guy to my left was crazy aggro (CA), guy to my right waste-faced (WF).
WF looks to be around 300 lbs...

WF has position on a QQJT9 board, and before it is his action, he says "Check".
CA bets pot.
WF minraises.
everyone at the table started laughing, which WF didn't like much.
CA shoves (obv) with 67s, obviously knowing WF is bluffing.
WF calls the shove, +100BB effective, with Ahigh.
Everyone just kind of stares at the pot for a second, in between laughter and tears.
"idiot", CA says.
At which the 300lb wasted guy jumps out of his seat (each player is within a foot of me on either side), looking to start something (instead of just raking in the 450$ pot). I scoot my chair back real fast, bankroll in hand.

WF pulls his shirt over his head and punches the wall (biggest man titties I've ever seen). And CA seems ready enough to get at it. So they start a commotion which moves about 10 feet away from me...
at which point I signal my friend to leave, pack up my bankroll (and the 450$ pot), and jet the **** out of there.

Congratulations, you're bragging about stealing $450, Nothing but class.