Can't match some of these for drama. Great stuff.

Last night in a local pub tourney the kid on my right asked me if a flush beat a straight. He left early.

Later, two hours into the tourney a woman called off her stack with J8 on an A K 10 5 4 board. Called a river push.....said her husband said it was time to leave. ( he had busted out early on another table).

Unfortunately I did not receive a valuable parting gift from either of these two.

One of the funniest things I've ever seen was this past weekend playing at my local casino.

An old man sits down at our table who is notorious for bragging and talking trash. Not what you would expect from an old man, so definitly funny in itself.

Well at one point he gets involved in a hand with the guy to his immediate left. The flop is J high with two diamonds. The old man bets and the guy calls. Turn is off suit 8. Old man checks and guy makes a big bet. Old man thinks and calls. Turn is another offsuit 8. Old man thinks for a long time and finally overshoves ~$200.

The guy to his left tanks for a while. He asks the old man if he will show him if he will fold. Old man says no and is very quiet.

Eventually the guy folds and the old man reveals 10d/9d for a busted draw turned bluff. He then proclaims, "thats 50 years of playing experience right there!"

I couldn't help but bust out laughing. The other guy had A/J and everyone at the table knew he was good.

After that I said something like if I got a chance to beat the old man out of a pot I would say, "yea, well thats 5 years of playing experience!!"

Unfortunaly, it never happened. Great entertainment though.

....and the winner of today's Missing the Point Award is......


Anyway, my submission: Not in a card room, but at a private game a few years ago. Some pretty tough characters in this game, it was a friend of a friend's place, first time I had played there, so didn't really know anyone.

We're playing some pretty decent stakes stud. At the end, there are 2 guys left. One was a fairly scary looking dude, but the second one was even worse. He had to be 6'-5", about 280, wearing a big Raider's jacket.

Anyway, at this point, both of them are showing possible spade flushes. Player one bets, the other (big guy) raises, the first one re-raises, the second one raises again, etc. They must have got 10 or 11 bets in (no cap) and finally player 1 is all-in. They both flip their hands up at about the same time.

Player 1 has three low spades and then J, A

Player 2 has three low spades, and 10..............A

We all sit there just looking back and forth at each of them, waiting for someone to go flying across the table and accuse the other one of cheating, at which point it's pretty clear that all hell will break loose.

Player one is clearly the less bass-ass player and so he says nothing. We're all just sitting there, dead quiet, looking back and forth at each of them.

Finally, player 2 smiles, stands up and stretches, extending his arms up over his head. As he does this, you can just see the grip of a handgun sticking in his jeans under his jacket. He sits back down without saying a word. A few of us push back a little from the table and look over at player one.

Player one thinks for about 5 seconds, and then smiles, turns over his hand, says, "That'll play", and starts to push the pot to the big guy.

We all look at the big guy, who stares at the other guy for a few seconds and then busts out laughing.

At least that released the tension and allowed me to go and change my underwear.

Winner

3/6 limit game. Everyones pretty mellow, having a good time when this little sequence of events happened.

UTG +1 decides he wants to straddle so places his chips out. Dealer notices and politely informs him that the house only allows straddles from UTG. Visually disappointed, he pulls his chips back.

He then perks up with a brilliant idea, looks to his right at UTG and ask's "Will you straddle this hand for me?"

Only to once again face disappointment when UTG declined.

This, however was just the beginning as player on the button commented that that was the funniest thing he's ever heard asked at a poker table. At this comment UTG +1 flew off the handle, insulting button as a player and a person. Even threatening physical harm. After ignoring repeated warnings to calm down UTG +1 was removed from the table.

I'll never know why he couldn't wait just one more hand......

Cocaine's a hell of a drug.

We recently added massages to the room I deal in. The massage therapists are all young ladies.

One day the players were talking about the serivce, the price, comparing it to Vegas and other places they've seen massages offer etc.

One guy starts shaking his head and says out loud:

"When I want a massage, I go to a masage parlor and I ask for a male becasue I want it HARD!"

He realized what he said almost immediately and got beet red. The laughter made one floor think we had hit the BBJ.

This is called "needing a 7 second delay"

AT the casino, table next to me. Two guys go to showdown and the Player A shows his hand, Player B slow rolls the winner. A gets mad and throws chips in B's face. B stands up and pulls a big ass knife. Everyone at the table and the tables within close proximity jump out of their seats. A takes off his belt to defend himself with the buckle. They call security but knife guy left way before they got there.

Another time, A guy collapsed at the table and had to be given CPR.

Posted this in another thread before but its one of my favorite.

At a tourney in San Diego, an older gentleman at the table next to ours slid his chair back, snagged a piece of carpet and hit his head on a one of those metal chip carts. His head was bleeding bad and some ass at our table said "he must have been on tilt". After the man was escorted out by an EMT, a young man came over to our table and knocked out the guy who made the tilt comment, the young man said "that was my dad a$%hole". The guy who made the comment was out cold and was even snoring. They were both led out by security.

HAHA! Awesome

Was playing one night and this white boy with dreds, real scruffy looking grinder was playing at table next to me. His girlfriend comes over to say Hi and she is really hot. Shes wearing a tennis type outfit with a little skirt that flares out. She goes behind me and bends over to hug. I was seated behind him and saw everything she had underneath that little thong that didnt conceal anything.

I was playing 3/6 limit several years years ago. 6 or 7 players saw a flop of 4 4 A. I dont recall all the betting, but the turn and river brought the case 4s for a board of 4444A. There were 5 players on the river, four of which called the capped betting and one poor donk who folded after the 2bet.

A bet saved is a bet earned.

Great story, I've been lurking on the forums for a while and this post made me want to register so I could say thanks.

I was playing at the Hustler Casino and sitting at a table with an old, Eastern European guy. The guy is a regular, but is absolutely horrible. He looks totally disheveled, like he's been on a 36 hour gambling bender. He reeks of smoke, but the best part about that is his mustache is two-toned. The edges of the mustache are white, while right down the middle it's stained yellow from all the smoke he exhales from his nose. This guy is not only a terrible player, but a complainer and is abusive towards the dealers. I sat there and watched him rebuy three or four times in about 2 hours. Well, when he got felted for the last time (to his shock, his 74 os didn't stand up in a multiway, raised pot) he loses it. He takes out his player card, and announces to the table, that he will NEVER, EVER come back to this casino. At which point, as a show of defiance, he tries to tear the player card in half. Being that the cards are plastic, he has no luck. He gets so pissed that he can't tear it that he then grabs his lighter and tries to light it on fire. It was classic.

Another story involving this old jerk happened when our table hit a "Bad Beat Jackpot". The Jackpot is split 40-20-40; the losing hand, the winning hand, and the last 40% is split among the rest of the seated players. Well, Old Man Smokey had left the table for a cigarette and missed his blind, thus making him ineligible for the table share. Seeing the look on his face when he came back to the table while everyone was laughing, smiling, and high fiving each other was classic.

I was playing at the Hustler Casino in Los Angeles area. All the sudden, security rushes across the room towards the No Limit area. Next thing I see is a young Latino guy being escorted out. Then I see a fat 30-something Asian guy talking to the Floor Manager. From the look of it, he looks like got into it with the Latino guy who was escorted out. After talking to some other players, I found out that the Latino guy had tried to choke out the Asian guy. I find out from the other players that the Asian guy pulls a lot of BS, and ends up pissing off other players all the time.
1. One time he asked for a new setup, and was refused ( new setups being brought only at the top of the hour). What does he do? The next hand he is dealt he simply crumples them in his hand forcing the dealer to get a new setup.
2. A huge hand develops and the river brings the third spade. His opponent moves all in. After bitching and moaning, the Asian guy mucks his hand. The opponent tosses his cards toward the muck, and the Asian guy grabs the two cards out of the muck and looks at them.
3. This leads to the story of what happened between the Asian guy and the Latino guy. The Asian guy and the Latino dude are involved in a huge pot. The Latin guy moves all in on the river and places his cards underneath his card protector. Apparently, the Asian guy missed his draw. What he does next I've never heard happening before and don't think will ever happen again. The Asian guy takes his two cards, and quickly slides them underneath the other player's card protector, killing both hands. At which point, the Latin guy decided if his hand was going to be declared dead, the Asian guy would be too.

u kind of left the end of the story hanging.. so what ur ssaying is they chopped the pot? wow such a bad ruling by the floor if this is the case....

He didn't say it was heads-up. I figure there were 3 people in the pot and one guy intentionally fouled a second player's hand, forcing the pot to go to a third person. Otherwise it makes no sense at all.

This might be one of those special situations where you let the aggrieved player write down his cards and allow the floor to extract them from the four and keep the hand in play.

Playing 1-5 spread limit stud at Harrah's New Orleans and a guy sits down at the table. The first hand with him in it, I have a board of JJJJ, he has 2739r. He raises on 7th after calling every street. I reraise and he rereraises. I ask the dealer since its heads up is there a cap. Dealer says no. Other guy basically tells me that he will keep raising till one of us is all in. Pot gets to be around $580 when the other guy is felted. He asks me what I have. I am like WTF, I have 4 jacks showing. Villian mucks and says "I guess there is no point in trying to bluff at this table" and leaves.

OMG. Surely you are making this up? I guess some people are stupid. Although we did have a woman sit down at a 1/2 table last nite: 3rd hand (she's been in the first two of course), limp x4, she bumps to 30, gets 2 callers, they check to her on flop and she folds.

We all lick our chops as she rebuys 2x more over the next hour, then leaves.

A+

How many years did it take to get to a $580 pot with $5 raises?

Bar League tourney last month- Guy A bets big before the flop and Guy B calls. Guy A turns over 77, which is a problem since Guy B is NOT all-in. Ruling is the obvious "Hand continues, B has the advantage of knowing what A has."

Flop comes J72 everyone laughs, Guy A shoves, B folds AA faceup. Tough break for player A a few people say.

Then the lady to my right tells me (self-dealt tourney, me right now) to deal the turn and river, I ask A and B who agree. The turn would have been a blank, the river would have been the ace. Table erupts in laughter and amazement.

Black stranger way overdressed sits down and starts in on some rap about three times cooler than Samuel L. Jackson (Pulp Fiction) or John Shaft himself (the original one). Had everybody not knowing what to think, accusing the guy next to him of peaking at his hand, giving the dealer a bunch of hard to manage jive, plays every hand, then gets in a big hand with a guy. On the turn when faced with a big raise, he gets quiet for the first time since he sat down. Then he deadpans, "What is this man, a black thing?" to the guy. The table fell silent then broke into stitches. That 30 minutes with that guy at the table was one of the most memorable of my undistinguished poker career.

I was playing 1/3NL at the Bike. Apparently, I was very focused on the game.

At one point I looked out the window, and saw a red flashing light reflecting off the walls.

I said: "Huh.. Is that an fire truck or an ambulance or something out there?"

The table looked at me as if I were fully ******ed.

A few minutes later, I got up to get a juice from the gift store and saw that the table immediately behind me was laid over on it's side, A heavy set guy was passed out on the floor and surrounded by paramedics, cops, and and Bike security. The players of that game all holding the racks of their chips, looking on.

Apparently it had been going on right behind me for about 20 minutes, and I never noticed till I stood up. kinda surreal.


AB

I live across the street from Deion Sanders.

True story...

Haven't met him yet though.