It is always good to learn something.

I never knew you could get a blow job on credit at Hollywood Park.

This started out awesome, and then was wrapping it all up nicely, when it turned around with a surprise little coda. More!

Awesome. Just Awesome.

Let me see if I can remember another...

Oh yeah, back when we first got inidian casinos here (they were actually a little sketchy still, legally) I'm playing in this crap hole (thunderbird casino, about 20 miles east of Norman, OK anyone else ever play there back in the day?) anyway, I hear this huge sneeze behind me...

then lots of "oh gross" and people scooting back chairs in a hurry. Old man had sneezed and spit his chewing tobacco all over the table. Waitress comes over to clean it up, poor thing, and he's just grinning like its his f***** birthday or something. Then, I notice he's not only not gonna say anything, neither is he gonna toke her EVEN THOUGH SHE BRINGS HIM A BOTTLE OF WATER to "rinse his mouth out with". So I stand up, give the waitress a redbird and tell him that's about the worst stiff of a waitress I've ever seen. He ROLLS OUT FROM UNDER THE TABLE IN HIS WHEELCHAIR, which I haven't even noticed up 'til now and asks if I wanna take it outside.

I can't believe I thought of this that quickly, because I usually suck at one-liners/quips in the heat of the moment, but I told him "sure, but only if you spot me a wheel!". He pretty much didn't say anything, and then people were "breaking us up" anyway.

Just found this fun thread.

Here's one from a few years ago:

The wife and I fly in to Vegas for the weekend. It's Friday night and we have planned to pull an all-nighter grinding away in the Bellagio poker room until our hotel room is ready the next morning (yeah I have a cool wife).

Several hours go by, and not much is happening poker-wise, but at around 3 am a group of young, intoxicated club girls stumbles into the room. I was kind of watching out of the corner of my eye as one of the girls walks over to the next table over from me and pulls her top down, giving the whole table an eye-full of ta-tas. A few of us at my table are like "woah". We couldn't see anything as her back was mostly turned to us. So I say loud enough for people around us to hear "isn't there a show-one, show-all policy in this room"? Several people murmur agreement, and we explain it to the girl (a dealer may have even have cooperatively chimed in IIRC) - and she comes over and happily displays her winning pair.

A very old woman to my right rips a nasty one.... winks then smiles at me. WTF

Playing $3/$6 at Circus Circus and some how the tables winds up being 11 handed.

I eventually get my fill of the place and leave, and one of the employees sits down in my seat and plays keeping it 11 handed.

******ed.

Craziest poker hand I've seen played so far:

So I'm playing $2/3 NLHE at Harras St. Louis and it's a great game because this guy keeps pulling out $500 chips he's won playing roullette. He's got a sack in his pocket of probly $20,000....Juicy! Everyone's doubling through him, but he's playing extremely LAG and has built about a $1200 stack, when this hand occures:

After Roulette guy pops it to $40 blind, newer aggressive kid who's sitting with about $800 decides to take a stand preflop raising to $120. Roulette guy makes a show of finally looking at his cards then pushes all in. At this point the kid looks a bit pale but won't give up just yet and claims he has a pocket pair. He asks if Roulette guy will show a card if he does too.

Roulette guy agrees and the kid turns over a seven (claiming 77). Then things get uhh, odd. Roulette guy starts to flip a card, hesitates, then goes ahead and flips it anyway ..... a deuce! A deuce! Why in god's groovy name would anyone ever show a duece!!?? Kid calls and shows A7 expecting it to be a flip, when Roulette guy tables As2s!

As everyone is rubbing they're eyes,

Flop - three spades (crowd goes wild)

Asked why he flipped the deuce, he said he meant to flip the ace, but didn't want to make his hand obvious by changing his mind mid flip.....

So juicy!

Conclusion couple hours later: Steel balls guy to my left calls down Roulette guy's multiple hundred dollar bets PF, flop, turn and river with pocket 5's on board of all over cards to bust Roulette guy holding air and drags about a $3000 pot.

Roulette guy gets up and leaves, rest of table stares at Mr. Platinum Balls as he pulls down the pot in a trance.


Table breaks.

first time at ceasers palace and was playing in the $100 buy in cash game... there is a club right next to the poker room so as I'm playing.. two spanish guys sit down and start playing.. this guy look a bit drunk but very functional...

he orders some shots.. and shoots a few down... now he is really drunk.

then, I am totally amazed as he orders another cocktail.. I am like.. "wow.. this guy is so loaded.. it is amazing that he can keep going and still function. I am so surprised right now that he hasn't passed out" I think nothing of it

everything is going fine... and as he is sipping his next drink... he falls out of his chair on his ass.... I get up and point at him and say, "ooohhhh shhhhhhitt!!!!"


in vegas.. they let you drink 24 hours a day.. I'm from LA... you stop at 2am

Just another night at the Bike.... Great post.

LOL

I will bump it with a not as funny story hoping for more.

So we are on a Carnival Cruise playing poker pro and this guy is always there. His wife shows up at about 9PM and makes a scene how he has been there since 4 and needs to spend time with her. He brushes her off. She comes back at 11 wearing see through eveningwear and whispers in his ear. He keeps his seat resereved and says, sorry fellas gotta take care of some biness... be right back.

We got an over under going on the length of time he would be gone. There was about $200 in the middle of the table and the over under was 20 min.

He was back in 11. His face got red when he realized why the 200 was being distributed to 3 players.

His face was red the rest of the night every time he acted quickly in a hand and one of the losers would say "Ya know, you really should take your time with some things."

He stayed at the table and took his ribbings - What else could he do? Go back to his "satisfied" wife?

yeah, it was pretty amazing that those two completely distinct events happened in a continuous, unfiltered stream. Now that I'm back in Pittsburgh, I don't miss much about LA, but the hilarity of lower limit poker there is one thing that I will always reminisce about. The local charity games and games in WV are just as juicy, but they lack the racial tension that made LA games so entertaining (yes, I know that sounds horrible, but race was a factor in just about every hilarious event that I ever witnessed in a casino).

I do have one pretty good one from WV - not as awesome as the last two but still quite nice:

I'm playing in a 3/6 limit game while waiting for the nightly tourney to start up. Typical hand with about six or seven limpers, and then four folding on the flop - but I notice when as the dealer grabs the mucked cards while getting ready to deal the turn, she takes UTG+1's cards and I was pretty sure that he had called the flop. Sure enough, dealer puts the turn card out there, it's a third heart, and UTG+1 reaches for his chips to bet what I assume was his flush, and voila, his cards are gone. Of course UTG+1 says that he had a flush, and obviously floor is called and the verdict is that UTG+1's hand is dead as it is his responsibility to protect his cards with a chip or his hands, since if they end up in the muck for any reason they are dead. Having never seen this situation before, I commented that it seemed a tad harsh and shouldn't he at least get his preflop and flop bets back (yes, I know, I had no place doing that - I would like to hear if this is the correct ruling - the guys cards were clearly behind the line). The player to UTG+1's left takes the pot down with top pair crap kicker and UTG+1 comments on how BS it is. everyone kinda nods in agreement.

Anyway, play goes on - a few of us make jokes about protecting our cards with a bowling ball, or losing a hand due to a strong headwind, etc...while the guy that lost the hand is CLEARLY steaming. so a couple hands later when the victim was in the cutoff, he does one of those slam-the-chips-on-the-table-my-$3-means-BUSINESS kind of raises, the button, who had won the contraversial hand, cold calls. flop comes with two tens, checks to cutoff who bets, button calls, everybody else folds. turn is a blank, cutoff bets again, button announces raise...and while he is reaching for chips, cutoff reaches out, grabs his cards, slides them into the muck, says "should have protected your cards", and starts to drag the pot towards himself!! fantastic. Floor is called again, guy starts yelling "he didn't protect his cards! you said ANY REASON!" guy is finally booted from the casino, but not until yelling that he is coming back WITH HIS LAWYER. nice.

not as funny? I think this is one of the best!

Agreed.

Someone get swax in contact with the Coen Bros. or someone, so we can get the movie made.

I saw a guy go all-in at a 3/6 limit hold em table, on the river, in Tunica.

In Tunica there is no cap on the river in limit, so you can go all-in effectively, but both sides have to agree. The board was J97 w/ two diamonds, turn 4 river 5, no flush possible.

First guy to act bets, the next guy says "Do you want to go all-in", the first guy says, "Wait, are you sure" the next guy says, "I will if you will" and the first guy is like, well ok. So at 3/6 LIMIT in a maybe $50 pot. They go all-in together the first guy has, 8T for the nuts.

The second guy has... QT for Queen high.

No, don't understand it. They had about $300 each behind, weirdest damn thing I've ever seen.

EDIT: Need to preface that the second player said "Good Call, I was bluffing after it was agreed to each go all-in"

I have a couple interesting stories from Mohegan Sun that have happened to me over the last 3-4 months.
1.) I'm playing 1-2 NL on a Saturday night, so it is not uncommon to see quite a few drunk guys playing with the occasional drunk friends popping their heads into the poker from the night club to check on the action. There happens to be this one drunk spectator who has been sitting behind a kid watching the entire time. The kid eventually asks for a seat change and sits down right next to me, along with the drunk spectator guy who brings the chair over and sits right behind the both of us. Well, he starts to get really annoying as his face is about 6 inches from the back of my head, trying to sneak a peak at my hand everytime. He then proceeds to grab a $1 chip off my stack to tip the waitress for his beer without even asking me! His friend was in the bathroom at the time, so I just said, "hey man, don't grab my chips, grab them from your friends stack". I prob could've called the floor, but I figured he was just a harmless drunk and it was a good game at the time. A little while later the drunk spectator goes to the bathroom and his friend leans over to me and says, "Dude, I have no idea who this guy is. He has been following me ever since I got here and won't leave me alone." I immediately become concerned that this guy could start following me around and I know I can't play optimally with his drunk badgering in my ear. The kid ends up getting stacked and leaves the poker room, and fortunately the drunk spectator followed him out and to who knows where. Hopefully he didn't follow him all the way to his car, lol.

2.) I'll make this one quick. There is an extremely belligerently drunk guy playing 1 table over from me a couple months ago. He is having trouble forming complete sentences and is completely unaware of what is happening in the game. Suddenly, the guy starts heaving and proceeds to throw up all over his chips, the table, and the chips next to him. Everyone jumps back from the table and the floor comes rushing over. As they are grabbing this guy from the shoulders to tell him to get the **** out, he throws up again uncontrollably all over the floor and the floorman's shoes. Security comes over and instead of escorting him out of the casino they bring him to the poker room bathroom and apparantly leave him there in the stall. About an hour later, the guy stumbles back out and sits at another 1-2NL table and begins to play. I left about 3 hours after that and the guy was still playing, so apparantly they had no intentions of kicking him out, and the guy either didn't remember what just happened, or just didn't care what he just did.

I saw a strange one some time back at the local cardroom that I frequent here in the Phoenix area. I am in seat 6 with a guy on my right in seat 5, an old lady in seat 4 next to him and a drunken low level MMA fighter in seat 10.

As we are playing the drunk in seat 10 loses some pots to seat 5. The more he loses, the more he goes gunning for seat 5. You can see that the drunk is annoyed and talks a bit of smack to seat 5. The drunk in seat 10 fancies himself a tough guy but mostly he just comes off like some guy that is angry that he is short with a small wanker.

Well finally a hand comes up where seat 5 I believe was on the button. In any case, the drunk raises from early position and seat 5 says he is playing blind or dark. After the flop seat 5 shoves all-in dark and the drunk tanks and then finally calls. Well seat 5 turns over AA and the drunk is pissed. Seat 5 felts the drunk in seat 10 and the old lady in seat 4 goes ballistic.

It turns out that Mom is none too happy to see sonny boy get felted by a “liar” and she starts bitching and moaning. She is screaming that seat 5 is a liar and sonny shouldn’t have to pay. Everyone is tired of the drunk and Mom is really being annoying and raving like a loon. The floor tells her that seat 5 did nothing wrong and she starts threatening to have the whole place shut down. Mom says she is going to call the cops and that she knows the mayor and blah, blah, blah. Both Mom and sonny the drunk were escorted out and I think she did in fact call the cops. None of us cared and we kept on playing, glad to be rid of the drunk.

Room is still running and I have never seen Mom and/or sonny again. I am not sure, but I think lying in poker is not illegal…

this one made me laugh out loud. Ballsy with your wife in the poker room. Which table was she at?

Casino Aztar in Evansville, IN. 1-3 NL. Crazy asian guy is playing like a complete moron but keeps sucking out on people, raising with 10,3 and flopping 2 pair etc. He builds a decent stack but is pissing everybody off. Next thing you know, his even crazier wife comes into the poker room and starts screaming at him. She starts beating him with her purse and cussing him out. He is fighting with her and apparantly isn't ready to leave. The wife goes out the emergency door (which is right there beside the table) and starts leaning over the rail and acts like she is going to jump into the Ohio River. Security runs out there and she has both feet on the other side of the rail, still screaming at her husband. Finally they are both escorted out of the room.

I was playing 1/2 NL at Casino NS in Halifax when this guy who I knew (somehow) was a drug dealer sat down quietly and began playing.
At first, nothing was odd but after a half hour or so I noticed he was sweating a bit and becoming more and more agitated. Also, a couple times the dealer had to snap him out of it when it was his action cause he was zoning out and staring into space. He must have been on something potent cause he became awkwardly happy and laughed to himself a bit.
Eventually as he got more and more twitchy, he got into a rather large pot which he had raised preflop against a younger guy across the table. Guy on drugs led the betting on the flop but the other guy bet out on the turn and river with the stoned guy calling both bets. The funny part was when the young guy bet the river and it was a pretty big bet something like $120, the bizarre high guy snap calls the bet and then mucks his hand when the dealer asks them to show, before the other guy even turned his cards over.
Everyone looks slightly shocked and bemused, including the stoned guy who doesn't really seem to understand what he just did or why.
Suddenly, while the dealer is getting the second deck out of the shuffler for the next deal, the dude lurches out of his seat and abruptly fumbles all of his chips into his pockets, not noticing a $5 chip roll out of his hands across the felt to some lady's stack. Well he may have noticed but he didn't care cause he hurried the f out of there looking paranoid and confused.

My wife was one or two tables further away from "the action" and facing away from us so she couldn't really tell what was going on. I told her about it shortly afterwards and she was disappointed that she didn't get to see (did I mention I have a cool wife?).

In a 5/10NL game at Commerce I saw a high-strung guy bet the flop heads up, and 5-10 seconds later when the other guy started rifling his chips the bettor threw his hand into the muck. This is the only time I've ever heard of someone soberly and intentionally bet-mucking.

He said he was bluffing and knew the other guy was about to raise him and he just wanted to move on to the next hand. I was watching the other guy and there was no indication what he was going to do.

This one is slightly less interesting. It was at a lucky chances 10-10-20nl game, we had an open seat. This big black guy comes up who looks exactly like a gangsta rap video extra... huge puffy camo jacket, full thug gear. He asks what game this is in a way that made me think he was looking for the 3-6. When told the game and minimum buy-in ($2000) he pulls out a big roll of $100s, peels off 20 and buys in. On his first (post) hand he gets in a pot with this slightly older weak-tight white guy who I think co-authored a poker book like 10 years ago and is sitting directly on the black guy's left.

I forget exactly the action but it's a sizable pot and on the turn or river he raises the white guy all-in. BG's poker actions look to me like he's not a poker newbie, he's played the game before. BG is sitting with a very aggressive posture and staring right at WG. WG folds and BG flips over a missed gutshot queen high. WG turbo-racks up and leaves, he honestly looked pale and frightened. BG folds to his big blind and leaves, up probably $1k.

The following is excerpted (and lightly edited) from a co-written TR that James, one of the small stakes limit mods, and I did back in March. The quoted dialogue is from James and this took place in Tunica in a 10/20 LHE game. It is also testament to the notion that I need to pay attention to the action even when drinking and that hate-spew is a terrible thing... especially when drinking.

It also validates my claim that James can be a real smartass at the table.

I beg to differ. I was just moving that little cup holder thingy from my right to my left. Entire table conspired against me and limps in like three seconds. I look at my cards and see AA and, firm in the knowledge that it's my turn, say, "Raise."

James is right about the small argument. I tell the dealer that I haven't acted and that I'm utg and, furthermore, I drink better with my left hand so, since I was gonna raise utg, I think I'll just do it right now. He and the bb start babbling some nonsense about there being "signifcant action" already so I just surrender my AA entitlement claim and pull out my raise and say, "OK. I call." (I still can't believe that they didn't kill my hand, altho now I wish they would have.)

Yes, yes, yes. That donk-dick on the button, plays atc, got a sea of redbirds in front, sent there by the Devil to torment me while I'm still on Earth- raises the gd turn and I'm an idiot and call.

I admit it. I 3-bet that a$$hole 'cause I hated him and, to make matters worse, I called the four bet!

As otb is scooping what should have rightfully been my pot, James looks at me and deadpans:

"You shoulda raised pre-flop."

Major Win

Best so far A+

Ok, got another one. Wasn't there for this, but was told to me by a regular who I trust.

We have this dude at our local room. He's a drunk. Gets cut off all the time. Surprisingly is a decent player, until he tilts. Anyway, he was at our table and old regular next to me is giving him crap and he turns to me and says: "You heard what he did Monday right?" I say no, he says:

"He showed up for the Monday night ladies tournament in full drag, wig, training bra, dress, heels, the whole bit. They not only didn't let him enter, they kicked him out of the casino."

This is like a late 30s ish ex frat boy looking dude.

Planet Hollywood, Summer 2008. After coming out of Prive we hit up the poker room for some late night action, there was 2 tables running. First while waiting to get seated we see a drunk ass kid in a suit try to buy-in for $300, while holding 3 $1 bills. He was clearly a regular, and kept fighting with the room manager to let him play, but the guy wouldnt bc A. he was too wasted, and B. didnt have any money. After a ton of arguing he agreed to leave.

Later while playing a large argument ensued at our table between my group (4 guys) and a guy and girl at the other end of the table. They were both douche bags from Canada and started **** with us. Long story, but around 530AM they get up to cash out, and the chick walks up to my friend (who she had primarily directed her anger at) and bitch slaps him, then says "thats what you get for talking **** to a girl" and laughs and walks out. We instantly scream for the floor, and they call security. After a huge ordeal we get absolutely nothing outta it, the girl gets no repercussions, and security ends up threatening to arrest my friend who got slapped (again, a ton of bs and ridiculous ****).